'Stick To Your Guns': How 6 Sober People Navigate The Holiday Drinking Scene
With Champagne toasts, hot-headed family dynamics, holiday parties, time off work and depression looming, the holidays can be a challenging season.
Newstudies report that moderate imbibing has no health benefits, and alcohol-related deaths are on the rise. However, Gen Z drinks less than Millennials, and the sober movement has gained more traction in the past five years. In fact, 38% of U.S. adults don’t drink. For various reasons, people are either rolling back their booze intake, purchasing nonalcoholic beverages and/or quitting drinking altogether.
We spoke with chefs and sober people who offered tips on how to navigate the holidays — and life — as a sober person.
“I’d see people with their whiskey, and at times I would salivate.”
Chef Joe Valdez of Las Vegas’ Bramàre began drinking heavily and on the job while working at Red Robin when he was 23. “I had the shakes all the time. To get through an eight-hour shift, I’d have to have four or five shooters to keep my hands steady,” he told HuffPost. “Some people started to catch on, but some people didn’t. Even when I was drinking and doing a bunch of cocaine, I won employee of the year two years in a row.”
After spending nine days in isolation for a DUI arrest, Valdez decided to get sober; Jan. 5 will mark a decade of sobriety. “Ever since I got out of jail, I haven’t had a sip of alcohol, not an ounce of anything,” he said. “All of my problems in life were solved the day I stopped drinking. AA pretty much saved my life” — that and a lot of discipline, focus and purpose.
“As far as me being around people who are drinking, I would say for the first four or five years, it was weird,” he said. “I’d see people with their whiskey, and at times I would salivate.” Because of the desire, he abstains from drinking nonalcoholic beverages and mocktails and surrounds himself with people who are aware of his sobriety.
“But if I put myself in those situations of temptation around people who don’t know my story and don’t know my history and what I’m trying to do, that’s when I find myself in trouble,” he said. “Alcohol is the most legal, dangerous drug, and it’s everywhere.”
Valdez recommended that sober people could volunteer to stave off holiday boredom. “There are tons of volunteers out there who will take hands, who will have people come and help them, whether it be a shelter or a rehab center.”
“Stick to your guns.”
Six years ago, James Beard-nominated CincinnatiChef Jose Salazar quit drinking. Though he wasn’t addicted to alcohol, he quit in order to feel healthier. Since stopping, he’s experienced more clarity and realized he has strong willpower.
“I’m OK with others drinking. I’m OK with alcohol being present at functions,” he said. “But by virtue of the people who I’m with, they drink less. And they’re less likely to want to encourage me to drink and be like, ‘Come on, just have a drink, or one shot.’”
However, at times he feels like he has to explain his sobriety to people. “If you said, ‘I’m not going to eat cupcakes today,’ people would be like, ‘Oh, good for you,’” he said. “Everyone needs some sort of justification for why you’re not drinking, and, for me, it was always just simply, ‘I don’t want to.’”
Sober people might feel left out from parties, or might feel pressured to drink. “Stick to your guns,” he advised. “It’s easy to be influenced by what other people are doing, and you have to go in with a commitment to saying, ‘I’m going to do this,’ and you can abstain. Because, at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with your decisions and the consequences of those decisions.”
“You don’t need to answer.”
James Beard-winning chef Jonathon Sawyer, who runs Kindling in Chicago, lives with those consequences. He went to rehab to get sober. “I’m 30 months into my sobriety journey and happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life,” Sawyer said.
When he feels temptation lurking, he’ll make a phone call or do breath work. “When someone’s like, ‘Hey, do you want a gin and tonic?’ You don’t need to answer,” he said. “Then you take a moment, walk away and call somebody to take your mind off it. Even if the person doesn’t answer, it only takes 60 seconds for you to sort of reset that whole thing.” During the holidays he busies himself with cooking and traveling, and he finds drinking a lot of hot tea and other nonalcoholic beverages helpful.
“Sometimes, you don’t need to tell people your whole story.”
Jordan Davis, director of operations for Bloomington, Indiana, ice cream shop The Chocolate Moose and host of the podcast ”No Dishes,” had a serious problem. “I’d get to the point where once every other month I would do coke and stay up for a day or two, and then it started to become once every other week, and it got a little more constant,” he said. “Right before I went to rehab, I went on a weeklong bender and was really trying to just burn it all down.”
Since leaving rehab, he’s been sober for two years. He occasionally DJs, and he is able to say no to drinking. He stated it’s important for sober people to communicate to others about their sobriety. “Whether or not they actually respect that and respect what you communicate is a whole other ball game,” he said. “But that’s all you can do. Sometimes, you don’t need to tell people your whole story. You can just be like, ‘Yeah, no, I’m good. Thank you, though.’ And I found that a lot of people respect that.”
Not everyone is sober because they initially had a difficult relationship with alcohol. My friend Steven Isaac is an anomaly: He hasn’t had a sip of alcohol in more than 20 years (he’s 35), he doesn’t like the smell or taste of beer, and he’s never smoked weed or a cigarette.
“Basically, I grew up around a bunch of alcoholics,” he said. “I didn’t want to fall into that same trap — that’s literally the only reason [why I don’t drink].” He witnessed addiction firsthand — several of his friends died from overdoses — but he’s OK to be around partying, even though he doesn’t feel the need to participate.
“I don’t experience any of that as far as if I’m around a bunch of people, I feel like I should be drinking,” he said. “It’s never really occurred to me to be like, ‘Oh man, maybe I should just do it.’ Not even a thought like that crosses my mind.” And thankfully, people don’t needle him about his lack of drinking.
“It’s never been like, ‘You’re weird because you don’t drink.’ It’s just like, ‘Hey, why don’t you drink?’” he said.
“How am I making you uncomfortable?”
Sober Seattle-based food photographerSoleil Roth, whose dad was a wine judge and whose brother is a winemaker, has had the opposite experience of Isaac. “I’ve learned to stand up for myself because I truly just am not into drinking,” she said. “I’ve had some hard conversations with people who were like, ‘I really need to get you a drink right now. You’re making me uncomfortable.’ I was like, ’How am I making you uncomfortable?’” Despite having access to “unlimited wine all the time” growing up and currently, she doesn’t drink — or much, which she sometimes tells people.
She suggested if you’re a sober person at a party, holding a beverage helps, such as pouring sparkling water into a cup, which resembles a cocktail. “It’s weird how people feel at ease with people drinking,” she said. “Just the sight of someone holding a glass or a cup in their hand makes other people at ease.”
But for Roth, alcohol doesn’t define her at all. “I think people make it their identity,” she said. “I’m like, that is the least interesting thing about me. I just don’t drink. Let’s talk about what trip I’m going on next.”
