"I Suffered For Three Decades": People Are Revealing The Everyday Things They Thought Were Normal To Experience Until They Found Out The Brutal Truth
Warning: This post discusses suicidal ideation.
Sometimes, we don't realize something we do or experience is different until others tell us so. So when Reddit user u/anna-lena-breiert asked: "What’s something you’ve always thought was normal until you realized other people didn’t experience it?" over six thousand people provided their stories. Here are some of them below.
1."When I was a kid, I'd walk to school. When it was cold, I'd come home and my mom would ask, 'Why are you wheezing?' I shrugged because I thought it was just what happened to people when it was cold. I found out several years later that I had exercise-induced asthma, and cold weather was my main trigger."
"I had the same experience! I also thought I was just slower than everyone else and not as good at sports as a kid, as I would wheeze and fall behind in literally every sport that required running. It wasn't until I was almost 30 and finally got an inhaler that I looked back on my childhood and realized that was it all along."
2."It took me a while to put together that most people notice that they're hungry before it starts to hurt."
3."Ever since I can remember, I got periodic weird sparkly things in my field of vision. Rainbow, jagged, circular-ish things that would gradually get bigger until my head seemed to ‘pass through’ the ring, and then it faded. It happened all the time. I would get really cranky, achy, and tired afterward. It always happened when my mom would take me shopping for clothes or groceries (she used to get so annoyed when I wanted to leave after 10 minutes at the mall). In my twenties, I mentioned it in passing: ‘Oh, hang on, I have a sparkly thing. Ugh, I hate these because now I’m going to have a headache. Mom was like, ‘Wait, WHAT?’ Yeah, I have chronic migraine with aura, and fluorescent light is a primary trigger."
"Migraine auras are wild. How do I explain that I basically have a blind spot in the center of my vision, which is taken up by rainbow shapes moving around? Luckily, they are a blessing because they appear 30 minutes before my migraine attack when the pain is quite severe, so I have enough time to take my pain meds and get somewhere quiet and dark.
My migraines were infinitely worse during puberty, 14 to 18 years old. I was, however, surprised to hear how relatively common migraines are for girls going through puberty and, in general, during hormonal changes (also during periods)."
4."Not trusting your parents and being very careful not to share any details of your personal life because they'll use it against you. I thought everyone did it."
"Yeah, I thought all people fear/do not trust their parents til I saw a friend who was bantering with their parent like a friend. It sucks that to protect our mental health and have boundaries means excluding them from our personal lives or having to build very high walls between us and them."
5.I grew up with some fairly questionable dental care that was free through my dad’s tribal healthcare. I had a lot of dental problems, likely stemming from my mom giving me apple juice in a baby bottle, as well as enamel that never developed correctly. During the annual dentist trip, my older brother and sister never had cavities, but I always had four to five or more. So, the visits were pretty hellacious. I would complain about the procedures and how badly they hurt (I was 6ish), but my family was 'hard ass' and 'tough love' people. So, my complaints were dismissed as whining. What's worse is that I was told that I deserved it for not brushing my teeth better. So, I stopped complaining. 27 years later, while going through my 5th root canal, I was shaking and tense and sweating. The dentist kept asking if I was ok like they always did. I said, 'Yeah, I’m fine,' like I always said."
"This time, though, the dentist stopped the procedure, pulled his mask off, and said, 'Are you experiencing any pain? You seem like you are.' I said, 'Of course I am, it’s a root canal — these always hurt terribly, but I’ll be ok, let’s just push through it.' He said, 'You shouldn’t feel anything at all. Only some pressure, but ZERO pain. Root canals shouldn’t hurt.' Then he numbed me more, started again, and kept numbing me until I felt NOTHING.
Five minutes in, he stopped again because I was crying, and he asked if it still hurt. I said, 'No, not all,' and smiled crookedly through my completely numb face. I thought dental procedures were supposed to hurt. I was 33 when a dentist finally realized I was suffering but self-reporting I was fine. There was always more numbing they could have done.
I suffered for three decades because I was told to stop complaining as a 6-year-old. If you feel pain, any pain at all, tell your dentist. Zero pain is normal. Advocate for yourself. Also, don’t tell young children to stop complaining about pain because they might listen, and you cause them to hurt for a lifetime."
6."I used to think getting random déjà vu moments was totally normal for everyone, but then I found out some people never really experience it. It felt so common to me that I was surprised."
"I had this for years, then realized it is actually called deja reve. Which is where you have seen something before, and it happens again but it is from a dream state. I find the whole concept fascinating."
7."I used to think everyone had a vivid inner monologue narrating their day, but then I found out some people don’t have one at all. It blew my mind when I realized that wasn't common."
8."Apologizing constantly, even for things that aren’t my fault. Turns out, not everyone feels the need to say ‘sorry’ all the time."
9."Ever since I was little, I would frequently feel my heart kinda flop around and skip beats. I always thought this was normal until a doctor noticed it during a routine physical exam. He asked if I was nervous about being at the doctor, and I told him my heart always does that. Turns out I just have a lot of premature ventricular contractions. My cardiologist told me they're very common, but most people don't actually feel them all the time."
10."Constant counting in my head. Turns out that’s an OCD symptom. I didn’t realize until I was an adult. I count everything — constantly."
"Absolutely. I have been diagnosed with OCD, and the counting compulsion is insanely tedious. I can’t read a book without counting the numbers in the sentences to see if they’re even or odd or recounting numerous of them to make sure I was correct or not. Makes reading take forever."
11."When I'm in a room with other people, part of my brain is paying attention to every conversation my ears can pick up, all at once. Specifically, it's paying attention to the emotional temper of each conversation in case someone suddenly starts having a bad time. Turns out most of you just listen to one conversation at a time. My way is actually a consequence of growing up around an explosive parent. Deep down, I don't want anything to happen that will lead to an angry person yelling at us. This also explains why I have a hard time in groups bigger than 10 or so. When there tend to be too many voices having different conversations, I get overwhelmed processing it all. If I can't keep up, I feel vulnerable and exposed, and things cycle downward from there."
12."Rehearsing arguments in the shower like it's a courtroom drama. Apparently, not everyone is winning imaginary debates."
13."PMDD. Every month, I would stay quiet about my symptoms because I genuinely thought everyone else experiencing menstruation also got extremely angry, exhausted, hopeless, and couldn’t stop thinking about wanting to kill themselves and everyone around them. I missed an insane amount of school and got fired from jobs because I could not function for about two weeks out of every month. I only realized I had an issue after seeing someone describe PMDD online. I now use birth control continuously, so no periods or hormonal changes for me! I had a complete sex education, but they never talked about specifically what symptoms mentally during menstruation are normal and what are not."
14."Constant intrusive thoughts and imagining what-if scenarios of horribly traumatic possible events."
"I have this, and it's horrible. It robs joy from almost everything. As an example yesterday, my husband and I went on a photo shoot. He was having beautiful pictures taken of himself. I was so into his pictures, and then I thought, that's the one I'll use for his funeral. Holy cow, where did that come from? That's the thought I will have. My daughter is away at college, and every day, I imagine something happening to her. I pray like the Virgin Mary. I don't know what to do to stop this, and yes, I'm in therapy."
15."I thought it was normal that certain fabric textures make people feel physically nauseated and violently repulsed when touching them; that’s called autism."
Is there something you did or experience that you realize was not actually normal? Tell us what it is in the comments below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
