Are You Taking 'Hate-Following' On Social Media Too Far?
Do you find that you are following people on social media, and not really finding joy in their posts?
Scrolling through your feed shouldn’t leave you feeling worse than you did when you started. This goes for the former classmate who makes you feel like you’re behind in life, the influencer whose perfect photos trigger jealousy and the relative who shares offensive political memes every day. These aren’t your friends or people you admire ― these are people you’re “hate-following.” And you may not even realize you’re doing it.
Denise Dudley, a behavioral psychologist, told HuffPost that hate-following starts out innocently enough ― usually because we just love a good show or a guilty pleasure that entertains us in our boring day. But there are underlying motivations as well.
“Schadenfreude: It’s a fancy German word that means getting a kick out of someone else’s misfortune. When we hate-follow, we’re secretly hoping for a politically incorrect slipup or a bad hair day to make us feel a bit better about our own lives,” Dudley said.
We also do this because we’re programmed for comparison, particularly in our current digital age. “Social media is like one big high school reunion nightmare, where everyone’s showing off. Sometimes, we hate-follow people who seem to have it all, just to remind ourselves of why we don’t like them,” Dudley said.
David Wahl, an assistant professor of sociology and criminology at McMurry University in Texas, also said hate-following is a tool we use to empower ourselves.
“One motivation is self-esteem, making yourself feel better if someone fails,” Wahl told HuffPost. “And a classic motivation is envy, and wanting to pass judgment on people. All of these are issues of power, wanting to gain power over people perceived to have power, and trying to gain social capital by taking them down.”
How Does Hate-Following Hurt Your Mental Health?
While it may seem a little bit fun ― or at least harmless enough ― to follow people you really aren’t rooting for, it can really take a toll on your happiness.
“Constantly exposing yourself to stuff that irks you can crank up your stress and anxiety,” Dudley said. “It’s also a self-esteem downer. When we keep comparing ourselves to others, especially those Instagram-perfect people, our self-esteem takes a nosedive. It also gives you a negative mental set. Engaging in hate-following keeps you stuck in a loop of negative thinking.”
Not to mention the fact that it’s taking minutes away from your day: “It’s a total time suck. Think of all the cool stuff you could be doing instead of doom-scrolling through someone’s highlight reel,” Dudley said.
Dr. Nancy Cetel, a physician and president Speaking of Health, Inc., also said that hate-following really isn’t good for your brain. Hate-following might release some feel-good chemicals in the moment, but you may pay for them later based on your reaction to the content.
“The act of ‘hate-following’ can be a form of addiction with an underbody of biochemical dependency,” she said. “If we consider that hormones are ‘molecules of emotion’ then indeed the effects of a dopamine hit can be considered where there is an emotional connection to the person being followed, good or bad.”
If You’re Taking Hate-Following Too Far, Step Back
When you’re scrolling through your feeds, pay attention to how it makes you feel. Are you saddened or angered by the posts of your “friends”? Do you feel down about your own life after seeing a reel of someone else’s? Are posts making you angry? It might be time for you to change some behaviors.
According to Dudley, you can make your online life less stressful by ending your hate-following habits.
“Unfollow the accounts that bring you down and replace them with profiles that lift you up,” she suggested. “Think cute puppies and kittens ― my personal fave ― inspiring quotes, or subscribe to a positive newsfeed.”
If that’s not enough, it might be time to do a full digital detox, and step away from the screen. “Take regular breaks from social media to recharge your mental batteries and reset your perspective,” Dudley said. “Use the time you’d spend hate-following to do something that makes you happy. Take a walk, read a book, volunteer for a worthwhile organization in your area, or catch up with a friend. Positive activities can shift your focus away from negativity.”
If your garden-variety hate-follows have taken on a larger role in your life, you need to cut it off. Wahl said you absolutely need to stop following the person, turn off notifications and stop checking your phone. Once you start getting dopamine hits from angrily following ― or even trolling ― someone, it becomes a vicious cycle.
“If you find yourself following someone and checking on them often, or making negative comments, ask yourself if its becoming obsessive,” Wahl said. “Is it negatively impacting your life? Is it causing pain? Look at why you are doing it, if it’s jealousy, pent up anger, low self-esteem, or a feeling of powerlessness. If you can seek professional help, do.”