Undecided? The key to popularity is moving to a swing state during an election year
True confession time. I’ve always yearned to be popular. Should I be embarrassed about this?
No.
OK, maybe yes, because if this wasn’t an embarrassing thing to share, then why am I just now, after six decades on Earth, admitting it?
In my defense, I think all of us have secretly lusted about what it would be like to have swaths of people wildly excited over our very existence.
Actually, I have had moments in my life where I was extremely popular. I’m talking about people literally crying when I walked out of a room. To call it a full-on obsession would not be hyperbole.
This sadly only happened two brief times in my life and it was when my son and daughter were in the infant stage and I was their only source of sustenance.
Besides that, I can authoritatively say that I’ve never been popular, and yet here I am still yearning to know what that would feel like, to experience the wonder of always being the center of attention, to have people earnestly seeking my opinion because so much is hanging on my response.
Well, I’m thrilled to announce that I have found a way to become popular beyond my wildest dreams.
My “popular action plan” is to become an undecided voter in a swing state. These voters are election divas. They’re aggressively being wooed by the candidates and their opinions are so sought after by the media that they might as well have their own communications teams.
I would specifically choose to move to Pennsylvania, because it has the most Electoral College swing state votes up for grabs.
I could legally vote in Pennsylvania if I immediately moved there. According to the Pennsylvania Commonwealth, I have to be a resident of the U.S. and over 18 so I can check both of those boxes. I also have to have lived in the Keystone State for 30 days before the election and register to vote by Oct. 21.
So, if I hustle over to Pennsylvania, perch myself in Erie County, which is considered a bellwether for the election, and then just start earnestly yapping to all the reporters, election organizers, etc., that I’m still undecided, I’m going to be the center of a lot of attention.
News outlets, newsfeeds, podcasts — you name it — are all filled with stories about the undecided voter. The New York Times’ “The Daily” podcast recently did an interview with a retired couple from Pennsylvania who are still mulling over their choice for president. The podcast went deep on this couple, including discussing a recent birthday celebration.
This left me wondering if undecided voters are the new celebrities du jour? It also proves that my “popular action plan” is a winner.
The only problem with it besides moving to northwest Pennsylvania — which I’m sure is lovely, most especially in the fall — is that I’m decidedly not undecided and it’s hard for me to fathom who is.
Which is why I’m starting to think that a lot of these swing state undecided voters are just trolling all of us. They’ve made up their mind who they’re going to vote for but, oh my goodness, all the attention they’re getting is just so yummy that they don’t want it to stop.
All I know is that living in a state that doesn’t swing with only six electoral votes can be fairly disheartening. It can seem like no one cares about you.
Someone needs to do a story about that: the voters who feel ignored. Like, not allowed to sit at the cool kids’ lunch table ignored. P.S. I’m available for interviews.
Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and on TikTok @snarkyinthesuburbs and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.
