Canadian woman's viral tweet calls out 'regrettably relatable' online harassment

After a Canadian woman's online dating experience went viral on Twitter, more women are coming forward. And according to an expert, women have been sharing horror stories with each other for thousands of years — to keep themselves safe.

With social media, audiences are bigger; but it also means harassers have more access to people.

"Online spaces are lawless," said Ontario-native Kelsey King.

King opened up to Yahoo Canada about a recent experience that left her upset and angry.

Sometimes, she'll get funny messages, she said. But, a series of voice memos on Facebook messenger from a complete stranger was a "big red flag," she added.

"I just pulled up to my gym and was sitting in my car… and I saw the first two voice messages coming in," King recalled of the June memos. "I could not believe what I was hearing. It was like a scripted, greedy sales pitch that just felt entirely so rehearsed."

She alleged the man saw her on Bumble — where the two did not match — and then he found her on Facebook where he expressed interest.

"For him to have taken it upon himself to find me on another platform and reach out, even though we did not match... it just felt gross," the 30-year-old claimed.

"I was upset about it; I was angry."

King has been exposing what she calls "creepy" behaviour from some men since September of last year, but her Twitter thread of the man who sent her the audio recordings went viral. As of Monday, it garnered more than 22.5 million views and 74,000 likes.

Since sharing her experience, King said she has received tons of support from both women and men.

"It's regrettably relatable," she claimed.

"A lot of men are like, 'Wow, I can't believe that there are guys out here saying stuff like that,' but really? You can't?"

She's sharing the experience, she said, "as a way to be like, 'hey, don't be like this guy.' Also, 'this is what women deal with.'"

She claimed that nearly 30 women have reached out to her on Twitter with similar experiences — with the same man.

One of those women is Sarah who said after going through King’s thread she was reminded of how creepy the messages were. Sarah was granted anonymity to maintain her privacy.

"It sent a chill down my spine," she told Yahoo Canada in an email.

"He sent me the same written messages as he sent Kelsey, almost word for word copy and pasted… It never even crossed my mind that he could have been doing this to other women."

Knowing there are other women who came forward, Sarah said it made her worried for others.

"It made me believe that this routine does work on some women, and that he was using it to lure women into doing something horrible to them," she claimed.

"It made me believe wholeheartedly that he is dangerous. I am so grateful (King) came forward, I would have never revisited this," she added.

Since her experience with the man, Sarah said she's been hyper-aware of how accessible she can be online. It's changed how she uses social media altogether.

"I never share my full name anywhere, I never post a photo that will be telling of my location while I am still there, and I will never go back on a dating app."

Recreating 'kinship' groups

Sarah Knudson, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Saskatchewan, said it’s always been important for women to share dating horror stories for awareness and safety. She said it's been happening for thousands of years.

"There were women groups that were probably mostly kinship based too… where you could just go amongst women and talk super openly, about whatever politics or things were going on, and get advice," Knudson explained. "I think we're recreating that."

She added due to having social media platforms, women can now have people outside their city, region or culture to weigh in and offer support.

"It helps with the shame and the catharsis because sometimes, historically, the people that you could vent to about these kinds of things would be your colleagues, your classmates, your friends, your family," Knudson said.

"Those are people that were available to you as an audience, but you wouldn't always be sure if they would support you, or maybe they would blame you."

Now, whether it’s posting on a Reddit thread or an Instagram feed, Knudson said people can connect with an audience that have similar stories — regardless of where they’re from.

People, especially women, can then talk about their horrible dating experience and how uncomfortable or weird it was and move past it. Talking about it can help validate their feelings.

"Seeing these patterns can help people feel like 'I'm not to blame in this. Something happened and I don't need to hold it in as something that I'm embarrassed about. It's happened to lots of other people,'" she said.

However, Knudson said she hopes women who have experienced harassment or assault get the proper support, beyond social media.

"Even if somebody can share it anonymously, I hope that there's still someone in their life where they could talk in a more personal way," said Knudson.

How to stay safe?

Knudson said generally it’s always good for women to trust their gut.

"If somebody's story doesn't fully add up, then that's a red flag," she said.

Knudson also recommended women tell her friends or family when going to meet someone and notify them of the location, "just in case" something went wrong.

"I think sometimes people hesitate to share that information because on one hand they're like, 'What could possibly go wrong?'... Or they might just be embarrassed and think they’ll be judged," explained Knudson.

“I think something to keep in mind is that anybody who has really any dating history to speak of is going to run across instances or experiences that are awkward,” she added.

King said she shares her location, at all times, with 10 of her friends when she goes out on a date.

"If I was meeting someone that I've never met before, I would share my location. But now, I'm doing it all the time because of what happened," King said.

She also said if two people are agreeing to meet, then it's reasonable to have exchanged phone numbers and followed each other on social media beforehand.

"That’ll show you at least who this person is… and I do think that it’s prudent and probably a good safe practice to give [their name] a quick Google."

As of late June, King said she has officially filed a police report on the man who allegedly sent her the voice memos.

"If anyone has their own story...they are welcome to reach out to me, and I'm happy to give them the file's reference number and the contact information of the constable overseeing the case," she said.

Peel Regional Police said in an email to Yahoo Canada that at this time, the case is "currently being investigated," and they cannot provide any additional information.

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