Wait, I think I have an unhealthy obsession with hair growth
From coating my scalp in Mielle’s rosemary oil and hunting down the real Wild Growth treatment amid a sea of online fakes, to hanging my head upside down to increase blood circulation and washing my hair with fermented rice water. You name it, I've tried it all in the name of hair growth. I was cooking up DIY rosemary hair spray long before Nara Smith got into the kitchen, let’s just say that.
After years of trying everything under the sun, it wasn’t until recently that I realised that my desire for hair growth was nothing more than an unhealthy obsession. As a product of unattainable beauty standards, having short hair was something I’d struggled to accept.
But before I did the big chop (and actually had short hair) my hair wasn’t actually short– it was the shrinkage, something that’s bound to happen with coily, Afro-textured hair and a characteristic of our hair texture that can lead to a fixation on growth for Black and mixed heritage woman. Speaking to Cosmo UK, Samantha Stewart MIT, a trichologist at The Spencer Clinic of Trichology says, “While the growth rate can be slower in Afro-textured hair, care routines and shrinkage can affect how it appears to grow. Afro-textured hair can shrink significantly when dry, sometimes up to 75% of its actual length. This can make it seem like the hair isn’t growing, even if it is. The curl pattern often hides the full length of the hair.”
Shrinkage isn’t the only thing us Afro-textured girlies are at odds with. Digital creator Lesley Buckle tells me about her struggle with hair loss and how visibly it thinned around her hairline led to a fixation on hair growth. “I’ve put my hair through a lot over the years - relaxers, straightening, dyeing and braiding - but ironically, it was fine through most of it. My real struggle with hair loss came after Covid restrictions were lifted in early 2022. Like many, I faced personal losses and stress during that time, which took a serious toll on my body. I think people underestimate how much stress impacts our hair, skin, and overall health,” she says.
“I was more fixated on hair growth when my hair was longer,” Lesley adds. “Long hair is glorified in so many cultures, so I think that played a role in my obsession. When I started losing hair, my frustration wasn’t just about length, it was how visible the loss was. My scalp was exposed when I tied my hair back, and my wash-and-go’s looked so thin.”
Like Lesley, I’ve experienced my fair share of thinning and that, combined with my struggle to come to terms with shrinkage and the insatiable desire to achieve longer, fuller hair, meant that my hair in its natural state was never good enough for me. From trying different chemical treatments and straightening techniques to lengthen my strands to the max, to using bands and other methods to stretch my curls further. My untouched, unstretched ‘fro had become alien to me.
For Lesley, detaching from the constant need to control and manipulate hair made her relationship with her hair a lot clearer. “I realised that, for years, I had tried to control my hair in some way either through straightening it as a teen or perfecting my curls after going natural. Hair loss taught me that some things are simply out of my control. It forced me to detach a little from my identity being so wrapped up in my hair. It made me redefine confidence on my own terms.”
The long and short of it
Learning the true growth cycle of hair and understanding the many factors that can affect hair growth helped me to unlatch from my hair growth obsession but, as Lesley explains, it was only once I’d stopped making my hair my entire personality that I was truly able to let my hair be. After all, as Dr Stewart explains, “hair grows at its own pace” so trying to hurry the process along would be a wasted effort.
“While you can help [your hair to] grow stronger, there are no magical shortcuts,” Dr Stewart continues. “Consistency in care will pay off in the long run. While the desire for longer hair is common, it’s important to take a balanced approach to hair care to avoid potential damage and promote healthy growth.”
For me, this included eating a balanced diet, increasing my water intake, caring for my hair with a regular wash-day routine and the use of hair masks for extra strength. This way, I began prioritising hair health, something which Dr Stewart wishes people would do more of. “Healthy hair is a result of consistent care, a balanced lifestyle, and patience. If people focused more on nurturing the scalp and hair, rather than just rushing for faster growth, they’d likely see much more satisfying and sustainable results,” she says.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still blow-dry my hair to see how much it had grown three months after my big chop. The truth is, unlearning the myths of hair growth and disconnecting from the idea that hair length equals beauty, is tough. Dr Stewart’s key advice is what sticks with me when I feel the urge to focus on the growth. She says: “What most people want is length, but they confuse this with hair growth. Our hair is continually growing but the length it grows to is different for everyone. Remember, this is genetically predetermined and we cannot extend it, nevertheless certain things can decrease it.”
I’ve forced myself into the discomfort of facing myself with short hair - there have been scary moments when I just wanted it to be over and for my snipped ends to magically reattach, and moments where I’ve rediscovered a new perception of myself, with my TWA (teeny, weeny Afro), that I absolutely adored. I’ve been embraced by friends and family who say they love my natural hair as it is, which has helped boost my confidence.
Switching my focus to hair and scalp health has helped me start to untie my perception of beauty with how long my hair is, but it's a work in progress and Lesley feels the same. “I wouldn’t say I’m completely detached. I still have thinning areas that I’d love to improve, but I’ve realised that obsessing over it doesn’t help. It was a vicious cycle: stress caused my hair loss, and my hair loss caused more stress. Now, I focus on what I can control - taking care of my body, my scalp, and the hair I do have. If new growth happens, great. If not, I know my worth isn’t tied to my hair.”
You Might Also Like
