'I Went Gray In My 40s And I'm Never Going Back'
I’ve let my hair go gray, and I’ll never go back. In fact, I wish I would’ve set out on this journey a long time ago.
My husband first planted the gray hair seed in my head. It was early on in the pandemic, when we couldn’t go to salons, and I had dark hair that I’d been coloring since my mid-30s (now, I’m 48). I didn’t take his suggestion to go gray right away, but I did start looking at women who were rocking full heads of silver sparkles on Instagram, and their beauty began to normalize gray hair for me.
My own turning point came when I started to question why I wanted to dye my hair—and realized I didn’t really want to.
In June 2021, I ditched the dye.
For the first month and a half, I let the transformation happen naturally. Honestly, I didn’t love the drastic demarcation line between the silver strands growing in and my old brunette shade. I wore my hair up more often to try and cover up the new growth, and I found myself worrying that I’d miss my brown hair.
So, I decided to do some gray blending: I had my hair dyed a lighter shade to make the grow-out less obvious, and I cut it much shorter, too. At that point, I felt fantastic and confident. And that feeling has stuck with me ever since (despite having to deal with some brassiness from lightening my locks!).
Social media has played a big part in this process.
Documentation is something that the Silver Sisters Instagram community really encourages, and for me, it's been a largely positive and safe space for me to record and share my journey. In fact, the fun really started (and the whole process began to feel real) when I first posted about going gray. Suddenly, I had an influx of additional followers and an amazing extended support system. Occasionally, someone even lets me know that I’ve inspired them to go gray, and that’s the best feeling ever.
Of course, I’ve dealt with criticism on social media too, but I don’t take it to heart. I think there’s something about women being confident and bold and not wanting others’ approval that makes people uncomfortable. But I also think there’s a movement going on right now: Women are realizing that going gray doesn’t make you look older—getting older makes you look older. So they’re going for it, and they don’t care what other people think.
16 months into my hair transformation, I have no regrets.
I think I’ve got just one more cut to go until I’m fully transitioned, and I’m absolutely loving my look. It’s anything but boring: I have free highlights that I never need to get touched up (my hair has so much natural dimension now!), and I could always brighten it up with some platinum pieces. On the other hand, some of my fellow Silver Sisters are anti-dye, so I’m open to learning more about that mindset, too.
I’m also excited to play with the new texture of my hair. Though I’d expected the grays to be wiry and coarse, they’re actually quite soft. In fact, my hair probably feels healthier than it ever has before. As for my cut, one day I plan to rock the longer hairstyle that I sported in my early forties.
Admittedly, there are days when I wake up and look in the mirror—makeup-free and with messy hair—and a small part of me wonders if I look older. In other words, I have moments in which I don’t feel as good about myself, just like everyone else. And I do sometimes miss my brown hair. But I know that it was no better or worse than my silver strands—just different.
Going gray has been the best method of self-care.
Women are taught to see gray hair and feel mortified. Today, I don’t feel that way at all. Once you start freeing yourself of the things that don’t serve you—like caring about society’s view of beauty—it allows you to pay more attention to what you think. And that mindset has extended beyond my hair and into other parts of life. If you had looked at my wardrobe before I went gray, you’d have seen lots of black, maybe along with some blue and white. Now, I wear bright pinks and royal blues. I even love bright red lipstick now, and I never wore it before! New avenues have opened up to me, and it may truly be that my gray hair helped me find them.
Sometimes women tell me that they love my hair, but they don’t have the courage to do the same to theirs. My advice? First of all, don’t feel pressured to ditch hair dye if that’s what makes you happy. But if you’re considering it, just go for it. Don’t put it off any longer. And keep in mind that having a good support system (whether it’s people on Instagram, friends, or family) can really be helpful as you start to sport your silver strands.
I get so excited when I hear somebody is about to go gray, because they’re just thinking about their hair. But I know what they’re about to experience—and it’s so much more than that.
Ready to go gray? Here’s what you need to know.
The gray hair trend is “definitely something we’ve been seeing popping up more, especially post-pandemic,” says Min Kim, a color expert at Butterfly Studio Salon in New York. “I think women are looking to have something that's less maintenance, and they're also embracing their natural beauty.” Below, Kim’s top tips for going gray:
If you want to make the transition happen faster after you stop dying your hair, you can have a colorist lighten some of your color-treated strands, lifting them to a very pale blonde. Then, you can use a toner or a blue or purple depositing shampoo to get that silver effect.
Don’t overdo color depositing shampoos or conditioners. Instead of giving your hair a beautiful, neutral shine, you’ll turn your color muddy.
Consider getting a pretreatment prior to gray blending to protect your hair and leave it in its healthiest state.
If you have long hair, of course the transition is going to take longer. So, you might consider getting a haircut to speed it up—and embrace a totally new vibe. “Trying a new haircut and also doing this natural silver transition is a big opportunity to have a transformation,” Kim says. “You can even do some layers, and that way you're taking out the bulk of the hair, so it's not so much concentration of color that's growing out on the ends,” she adds.
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