Why we need to accept that not everyone will like us
How much time have you spent worrying about someone who doesn't like you? In all honestly, any time spent ruminating on this out of your control thought is a waste.
"Ploughing endless energy into trying to control the uncontrollable is keeping us all tired, wired and worried," says psychotherapist Anna Mathur.
In her new book, The Uncomfortable Truth, Anna holds our hand and welcomes us forward into a place of acceptance. When we're able to accept things that make us feel horrible, we'll find ourselves living more freely and intentionally, with more presence and confidence than ever before, Anna says.
Read on for an extract from The Uncomfortable Truth, explaining the benefits we'll see accepting that not everyone will like us – and that's fine!
Benefits of accepting that not everyone will like you
1. More confidence in the decisions you make
When you worry about what others think, the decisions you make are often tainted by a fear of how people will react. Instead, embrace the truth that, of course, others may not agree with or understand your decisions, but if they're truly right for you, you will make them anyway.
As a result, you will grow in confidence as you live a life that is more reflective of who you are, rather than reflective of the opinions of those around you.
I've worked with clients who have spent years investing in a career route chosen to keep parents happy or impress friends. Well, you'll feel empowered as you say 'No more!'
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2. Stronger identity and sense of self
How often do you profess to like something just because someone else is waxing lyrical about it? How keenly do you agree with an opinion or say a confident 'yes' while internally shaking your head furiously? As you choose to accept this truth, you'll stop contorting yourself to fit into other people's boxes.
As you begin to speak out, to validate your needs and feelings, and to ask for respect, you'll nurture your self-esteem and see your confidence flourish.
INSPIRATION: 6 things I do each morning for a happier day
3. Less need to seek validation
The more you are liked, the better you feel about yourself, right? At first glance there doesn't seem anything wrong with this. But accepting the uncomfortable truth that some people don't like you (and it might be nothing to do with you at all!) frees up worry, headspace, time and energy.
As you begin to validate your own choices and feelings, no longer will your self-esteem take a swooping swan dive when someone fails to give you validation. You'll find confidence in the fact that you are a valid human being. End of. Everything else is subjective commentary.
READ: 9 easy ways to stay positive when things get really tough
4. Wave goodbye to people-pleasing
As you stop fearing the opinions of others, you can start investing your time and energy into the relationships that affirm and value you regardless of how much of yourself you give away. Enjoy more fulfilling relationships and honest conversations with those who care about you. For those people, 'like' is a response to who you are to them, rather than what you do for them.
INSPIRATION: I finally learned to say no at 46 - and it changed my life
5. Increased equality with others
Everything you do and say is a small but powerful statement of your worth. As you voice your needs and feelings, and ask for respect, you are making the statement that you are of equal value to others. Accepting the uncomfortable truth that some people wo'’t like you is a leap towards equality.
6. Less defensiveness
In trying to protect your likeability, you may often feel attacked. Being misunderstood by others can prompt a desperation to explain yourself in order to ensure you are 'good' and liked in their eyes. As you accept that you cannot please everyone, you will no longer feel poised, living on the defence, ready to leap in to attempt to change the way people view and experience you. You will be able to relax into relationships and find more acceptance in the fact that you are not responsible for changing people’s minds about you.
