I'm a man who would like Valentine's Day flowers - so why don't I get them?
It’s easy for men to get Valentine’s Day very wrong; giant padded cards, not-so-cute cuddly toys or mis-sized, barely-there lingerie – a gifting fail can’t just kill the mood, it can kill a relationship. It’s why most men adopt the safety-first approach and stick to flowers.
Indeed, a recent survey of 2,000 people by Marks and Spencer found that flowers remain one of the most popular Valentine’s staples, especially among 25-34 year-olds where 36% said they received a bouquet on the big day.
For whatever reason, though, fewer than 5% of the recipients were male.
Personally, I’ve never been one for the grand gestures of Valentine’s Day, largely because I’m inherently stingy and the idea of paying massively-inflated prices for red roses really rankles. Mind you, I also have an in-built resistance to any marketing campaigns aimed at relieving me of money on pre-determined days of 'celebration' like Easter or Halloween.
But would I like to receive a Valentine’s Day gift? Of course.
More specifically, would I like flowers? Yeah, why not?
Why men don't typically receive flowers
It’s often said that the only time men ever receive flowers is at their funeral but why is it that flowers have always seemed to be reserved for women on Valentine’s Day or, for that matter, any other day of celebration, like birthdays?
Dr James Jackson teaches Psychology at Leeds Trinity University’s Faculty of Social Sciences and Education. He believes that Valentine’s Day traditions are so deeply ingrained in society that changing long-held behaviours is almost impossible. "These customs persist simply because they are observed and imitated. It doesn’t have to be rational. Men give flowers. Women receive flowers," he explains.
"We’re really talking about social conditioning and evolutionary psychology. Across most cultures, men tend to be the gift-givers in romantic relationships, and the flowers they give typically represent beauty, delicacy and grace which are, traditionally at least, feminine traits."
At the British Florist Association (BFA), meanwhile, they’re expecting the busiest day of the year for their 8,000 members with around a quarter of British adults buying flowers as gifts for Valentine’s Day.
And as BFA Chair Nikki Meader explains, they’re keen for everyone to enjoy a bouquet. "There's certainly no rule that men can't receive flowers," she says. "Men appreciate the beauty and sentiment of flowers just as much as anyone else. At the BFA, we encourage everyone to consider flowers a thoughtful and beautiful gift for anyone, regardless of gender."
But if you’re going to buy flowers for the man in your life, what should you go for?
Remember, it doesn’t have to be red roses just because it’s Valentine’s Day. "Opt for bold, vibrant, and structured arrangements," adds Nikki Meader. "Think about flowers like sunflowers, birds of paradise, and anthuriums, which look striking and more modern. All these choices are perfect for expressing love in a fresh and unique way."
"Gesture not gender"
If you’re one of the few men that does receive flowers this Valentine’s Day and maybe don’t know how to react then take the advice of relationship therapist Simone Bose. "Remember, men like flowers too, maybe in the context of appreciating them on a walk or in someone's home, but they often don’t feel comfortable receiving them, perhaps feeling it’s what men should give to women," she says.
"This needs to change. Men need to think about these traditional ideas of masculinity and femininity and shift to a more gender-neutral kind of appreciation."
Dr Tony Ortega, meanwhile, is a Clinical Psychologist based in New York. His advice? Don’t overthink it and just be thankful that someone loves you enough to give you some flowers this Valentine’s Day.
"The intention behind gift giving is often stronger than the actual present itself so just be grateful for the gesture," he says. "Let's not label gifts, like flowers, by any type of gender and let’s make it about the gesture. Gesture not gender."
And the gesture is everything, says Dr James Jackson. "Encourage reciprocity – where men are given something, even if small and thoughtful," he says. "And do things of value to you as a couple. Be authentic, true to yourselves and focus on connection and time together."
Besides, it’s unlikely we’ll see great change any time soon when it comes to our gifting come Valentine’s Day, as Dr Jackson adds. "Some men now embrace gifts that were once seen as 'feminine' but broader cultural change is gradual," adds Dr James Jackson. "We have to be wary though. A few hundred years ago, rich men wore high heels when they went out. When women joined them, men stopped wearing them altogether!"
Read more on Valentine's Day:
Seven signs you're in love, according to experts (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
What’s the better Valentine’s Day gift? Have your say (Yahoo Life UK, 1-min read)
Six signs your relationship may be about to end (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
