Woman Refuses to Lie as a Rental Reference for Former Friend She Says Dropped Her: 'I'm Not Obligated to Do Favors for Her'

A woman refused to shy away from the truth as a reference for a former friend amid her search for a new place to live.

In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------" forum, the woman, 37, wrote that she made a friend, identified only as A, while attending college and they "became close friends."

Detailing that the 24-year-old A "had a difficult home life and an abusive parent," the Redditor said she "offered the spare room in my house for her to live in rent-free until she was on her feet" and A became "an integral part of my family."

But, when the woman and A "both applied for an interstate job we both wanted, and we were both accepted" last year, the woman explained that her friend "almost seemed disappointed that I also got this job."

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After both moved to their new town for work, the woman wrote that A "completely cut ties with me and has stopped talking to me completely."

"I have tried to ask her if everything is ok, but she has blown me off, telling me she 'can’t deal with me right now' or that I’m 'making her feel like a bad friend,' so I have just given her space and left her be," the Redditor continued.

However, explaining that she feels "extremely used" because A "lived in my home as a member of my family for over 18 months," the woman added, "It’s almost like now she doesn’t need cheap rent, she doesn’t want anything to do with me."

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So, when the woman randomly received calls from landlords to be a rental reference for A amid her search for a home, the Redditor explained, "I have since given honest references explaining the living situation she was in, and I was also honest in saying she damaged property and also failed to keep her bathroom clean or contribute to cleaning communal living areas."

"She hasn’t asked me if this would be ok with me or even told me she was doing it," the woman further detailed, adding that A "has terrible credit and no rental history and is struggling to find a rental property."

As she pondered if she was in the wrong "for not lying for a rental reference" for A, the woman concluded, "I feel bad, but at the same time [I] think that if I’m not good enough to talk to or acknowledge, [then] I’m not obligated to do favors for her."

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In the comments section, many sided with the original poster for being transparent amid her former friend's search for a place to live.

"She decided to cut ties with you, but still expected you to be a sparkling reference for her? That's not how life works," one user said, as another wrote, "You should never be expected to lie for anyone in the first place. And especially not for someone who has seemingly used you the way she has."

"First, people usually give their references a head up when they are being used as a reference. Second (and this is a big one) she is just expecting you to lie for her," added a different commenter.

Said one more: "Why should you lie for her? Not only is she a bad tenant, she is a bad person. It seems obvious she played on your sympathy to use you for cheap rent. Now she's dropped you, and she's still trying to use you to get a good reference. You owe her nothing, and if I were you, I would block her and refuse to have any further contact with her."

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