Woman Regrets Not Finding Out Baby's Sex Before Birth: 'I Just Couldn't Feel a Connection' (Exclusive)

• Melanie Smith, a mom of two, shares her regrets about not finding out her second baby's sex before birth in a now-viral TikTok

• Smith struggled to connect with her unborn child, saying she felt like she had to call her baby "It." She did, however, celebrate the fact that she didn't end up finding out the sex in spite of her feelings

• Because of the disconnect, she and her husband didn't name their child for two days after birth, and took a while to feel comfortable with the moniker they did choose

Some parents love a delivery surprise, choosing not to find out their baby-to-be's sex prior to birth. But in a recent TikTok, Melanie Smith candidly shares her regret about the decision following the birth of her second child.

Smith recalls feeling disconnected throughout her pregnancy in the viral TikTok. During those months, having to refer to her child as “It” weighed heavily on the expectant mom. Additionally, she struggled to connect with the child's actual name, Boston, after he was born, she says.

“We thought it would be something fun,” Smith exclusively tells PEOPLE. “Everybody said it was like the greatest experience of their life but for me, it wasn’t.” Right after giving birth, Smith was left feeling confused, as she wasn’t sure what name would best fit her newborn son.

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This was in stark contrast to her experience with her first child, whom she and her husband named Brady before birth. The inability to use a name or pronoun during pregnancy created an unexpected barrier for her. “I just didn’t feel a connection because I couldn’t. We couldn’t call the baby by his name. We were just like ‘It’ or ‘the baby,’ ” Smith reflects.

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Smith’s husband had a particularly difficult time with not knowing the baby’s sex during pregnancy. “He is a planner," she says. "At every appointment we went to, he would be like ‘I’m going to call the doctor later and see if he’ll tell me,’ joking around.”

Without a predetermined boy name, the couple found themselves in a difficult position after delivery. “We spent two days really deciding between two names and neither of them felt right because we weren’t able to say them the whole nine months,” Smith shares.

However, for a moment, the thought of finding out the sex of her baby was overshadowed by the intensity of labor. “The birth took away from finding out the gender,” Smith recalls. “I was just like, ‘Oh, get the baby out!' I hoped the baby was safe and healthy. I didn’t care if it was a boy or girl at that point.”

Two days after giving birth, the parents eventually settled on Boston. But, the name didn’t immediately feel right. For the first few weeks, Smith had doubts. “Did we make a mistake? Did we pick the right name?” she recalls wondering. “I think it took about a month or so for it to feel right.”

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Despite her personal challenges, Smith doesn’t discourage others from waiting to learn their baby’s sex. “It’s so hard, I just feel like it’s easier," she says of finding out. However, she's proud of herself for not giving in, either: "I think I love the fact that we did try."

Since sharing her story on TikTok, many have opened up about similar experiences.

"A lot of people are saying they agree and they feel the same way,” Smith notes. “However, there’s been a select number of people who have chosen not to find out and said they would do it again.”

For their potential third child, Smith and her husband are planning a different approach. “I think for our third baby, we’d really like to have a surprise gender reveal," she says. "Maybe I’ll cut the cake or something in a fun way.”

Read the original article on People