Woman Says She Upset Her Friend After She Took His ‘No Costume, No Attending’ Rule for a Party Literally

A woman is worried she made a misstep after choosing not to attend a friend’s party because the invite requested that attendees come dressed in a costume.

The 41-year-old woman detailed her dilemma in a post on Reddit’s Am I the A------ forum, explaining that she has “never once” in her life worn a costume. A childhood friend, also 41, recently invited her to a costume party which coincided with the last weekend of Carnival.

She said he was “very excited” about it when they met up a few days before the party and told her there was a strict “no costume, no attending” rule being enforced.

“I asked him jokingly if he would make one small exception, but he got a bit intense about it and told me that, no, if I was not dressed in costume, he'd rather I don't come at all,” she recalled. “So I didn't go to the party and thought that that was that.”

A few days after the party, the woman met her friend (along with a group of others) for drinks a few days. She admitted to having been taken “by surprise” when he told her that he was “upset” that she didn’t attend.

Related: Woman Has Anxiety About Attending a Costume Party Because She Is 'Fat': 'Dressing Is So Much Harder as a Larger Person'

“Then, his wife told me that other people actually did come without being dressed in costume, and that they would have loved if I had also been there,” she wrote. “At that point, I started apologizing and explaining that I took the ‘no costume, no attending’ rule very literally, and did not realize that I could have gone anyway, and that I thought they actually didn't want anyone not dressed in costume at their party."

“My friend and his wife told me to stop apologizing and joked a bit about it. However, now I feel like I've been the a------ in this situation,” she continued. “Should I have just bought a costume, or even just a mask, since that would have made them happy, and go?"

Questioning her decision further, she asked, “Should I have gone even while not in a costume (though I didn't know at that point that this was OK)?"

She then noted: "I do have a tendency to take things very literally and take what people say at a face value. Is my 'I don't dress in costume’ rule stupid? I feel like I just upset/offended my friend for no reason.”

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In the comments section, many fellow Redditors attempted to reassure the woman that she was within her rights to turn down the invitation.

“You didn't want to wear a costume, which is fine — you shouldn't have to wear anything you don't want to wear — and he specifically told you that you weren't allowed to attend without one,” one person wrote. “If he wanted you there so bad, he should have told you to come regardless. Your actions here were reasonable."

“I also hate costume parties; finding a costume to wear is something I find extremely stressful, and it triggers a whole bunch of my anxieties,” the same person continued. “So I very much relate to this. I wish people would make their parties ‘costume encouraged’ rather than ‘costume mandatory.’ I'd honestly feel more comfortable going to an event naked than in a costume.”

Another commenter described the situation as a “misunderstanding,” before adding, “They would have liked you to be there. You would have gone if you had understood you could go without a costume. Nobody's fault and no harm done.”

Related: Woman Organizes Friend's Bachelorette Party but Then She's Not Asked to Be in Wedding Party: 'It Feels Like I've Been Had'

However, a third person argued that the woman was “childish” and “stubborn” for refusing to make a compromise for her friend’s costume party.

“YTA [you are the a------],” they wrote. “It's a very childish, stubborn position to say ‘I DO NOT WEAR ANY COSTUMES AT ALL EVER.’ I mean, really? If you have some deep trauma or phobia, I might cut you some slack — but honestly, it's just a stubborn position that screams, ‘I think I'm the main character.' "

“I mean, wear a little headband or a feather or tiny mask. Geesh, then if they throw you out, we can call them the AHs,” they concluded.

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