“I hope your new house has roaches. So many roaches. I hope it rains roaches.”
An anonymous woman has written a brutally honest open letter to her best friend’s ex-husband, taking BFF status to a whole new level.
Published on Scary Mommy, the aptly titled “A Letter to My Best Friend’s Ex-Husband Because Screw You A**hole,” contains a series of profanity-laced accusations interspersed with praises for the scorned wife and a few cockroach-related threats, for good measure.
“Hey Pal,” she opens on a friendly note, empathizing that sometimes “divorce happens” and that “people grow apart.” But then there are times, she writes, that someone does something to their partner that can’t be moved past — and that’s where he falls in.
“This divorce is your fault. You hurt my friend, you lied to my friend, and you betrayed my friend. She’s handling this like the strong, resilient, compassionate badass that she is.”
In a moment of compassion, the woman praises both the ex-hubby and her friend for being amazing parents and for treating each other with respect during such a difficult time for the kids’ sakes.
“BUT, just because she’s being a f***ing pillar of dignity and strength, doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed,” she writes. “She is willing to recognize what a good father you are, and acknowledge your redeeming qualities as she works to forgive you for your indiscretions, but I don’t have to do that.”
“I get to pull the Best Friend Card here, and I get to just be pissed the f**k off that you are the catalyst for the heartbreak, pain, anxiety, and overwhelming stress that you are causing my friend. So, F**K YOU DUDE.”
It’s unclear as to what the ex-husband did to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage, but in a long list of expletive-laced allegations, the writer condemns him for the negative repercussions of his actions—for making her friend “question her own value and self-worth,” making her feel guilty that she “can’t keep up the facade forever,” and causing her to stress out over money and worry about how the separation will affect the children.
“She has to co-parent with you,” the woman notes. “She has to help your children process their anger, hurt, and confusion. She has to encourage them to forgive you and recognize that you are still the same adoring father they’ve always cherished.”
“So while she continues to take the high road, you can understand why I’m spitting nails over here, right?”
“You can understand why I kind of want to call you up and be like, “I HOPE YOUR NEW HOUSE HAS ROACHES. SO MANY ROACHES. I HOPE IT RAINS ROACHES. But only when your kids are not there, of course.”
The woman notes that it’s her job as best friend to be the sounding board, to validate her friend’s feelings and to lift her up when she feels too weary to keep pushing forward. She continuously reminds her friend that on the other side of the mountain there’s “a whole new brand of happiness and freedom” and that she’s going to rock it because she “doesn’t need a man.”
“She’s going to be happy again. She’s going to be stronger. She’s going to do this thing on her own. She’s going to forgive you. She’s going to remind me of what a good dad you are, and how you are emotionally invested in helping the kids through this.”
“And I’m going to be over here waving my middle finger in your direction.”
Before lovingly signing off as “The BFF,” the woman concludes: “If you get a shipping compartment full of roaches, don’t call me. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Is this the ultimate display of friendship or a volatile tirade of words?
Let us know what you think by tweeting @YahooStyleCA!