Women Over 40 Are Sharing Red Flags To Watch For In A Friendship’s Early Stages, And Knowing These Would Have Saved Me So Much Heartbreak
Friendship breakups, like romantic breakups, can be so destabilizing. They often leave one or both parties wondering if there were any early signs that might have foreshadowed the challenges that would later arise.
Which is why when Reddit user u/hoperaines posted, "What Are Some Friendship Red Flags?" on the r/AskWomenOver40subreddit, there were some GREAT answers.
So, here are 17 red flags women over 40 recommend looking out for in the early stages of a new friendship, let's see if any of these resonate with you:
1."Love bombing. When someone declares you’re their best friend, wants to spend a ton of time together, gifts and pays for things, and/or talks about how deep the relationship is after very little time."
2."Friendship needs to be two-sided. If you’re always doing the inviting, even if they say yes, they’ll eventually leave when they find something they consider to be 'better.'"
3."One major red flag that I've sadly discovered is people who emotionally dump on you. And when it comes to you needing some support, those same people are usually nowhere to be seen. I've attracted so many people like this, and now I find it hard to bond with people."
4."I never give second chances to ghosters and no-shows. Respect is hard-earned and requires you to maintain strong boundaries. What you tolerate is how you train people to treat you."
"Take good care of your energy, and be patient."
"It would be a deal breaker for me if someone didn’t have a REAL good reason for not showing up after confirming twice."
5."Be wary of people with main character syndrome. I enjoy listening to wild rants, so they seek me out and mistake my entertainment at the moment for a desire to be available for their rants at their leisure. I have too many responsibilities for that."
6."Codependency. Attachment styles have become a mainstream topic for romantic relationships but they play out in our friendships just the same."
7."The people who lowkey compete and downplay your successes to feel better about themselves."
8."I use the same standards for friendship as I do dating, so white lies, too much social media presence, and a history of cheating are all deal breakers."
"I’ve personally had the most success meeting friends through groups where you have a chance to observe their behavior for a while."
9."It's a red flag when someone seems upset that you have other friends."
10."Having a lot of drama around managing everyday tasks is a red flag for me. I had a friend for a while who just didn't seem to manage the basics of life a lot of the time. Everything was a disaster. I have a lot of time for people who struggle with their energy levels and organization and need help, but I eventually found myself getting burned out with that specific friend. She seemed to actively avoid applying common sense to situations; every day was chaos, and an emergency was always around the corner. I spent a lot of that friendship problem-solving for her until I just couldn't anymore."
"I ended up feeling like I was being used, and the more I became aware, the more she seemed to shift targets for help.
She eventually became part of a local church that always had people jumping in to help her, and that included big things like giving her a car."
11."Gossiping. You'll walk away feeling anxious about anything you said getting repeated."
12."Back-handed compliments."
13."People who say extreme things out of nowhere. Like if they say, 'Don’t ever talk to me again!' in response to a simple text where you said (for the first time) that you were disappointed they didn’t give you the opportunity to help them."
14."People who push push push push push you towards something you said you don't want to do."
15."Copying the way I dress and act."
16."Jealousy, they aren't happy for you when you are successful."
17.And lastly, "People who have to be right all the time."
There you have it: 17 red flags to look out for during the early stages of a new friendship. Did any of these ring true to you? Have you had experiences where these early signs turned out to be red flags? Or are there any other warning signals that we missed?
Let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google form! Your responses could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
