Women Are Sharing The Devastating And Despicable Ways Their Husbands And Boyfriends Have Betrayed Them, And It's Unbelievably Sinister

We asked women of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the most inconsiderate things their husbands or boyfriends have ever done, and frankly, the responses took a more somber turn. Many women came forward and shared stories not of carelessness but of hurtful betrayal. Though their stories ranged from heartbreaking to downright sickening, we thought it was important to share their stories and highlight the startling reality of what many women endure in their relationships with men. This is not to vilify all men but rather to shed some light on a very real problem in society.

Warning: Some stories in this post discuss injury and illness, mental health, pregnancy loss, upsetting relationship dynamics, and other sensitive subjects.

1."We had a newborn baby, and we were about two weeks in. I was utterly exhausted and wanted nothing more than a little bit of sleep. My husband also complained that he was exhausted because he had to get up early for work. I decided to sleep in the baby's room on a futon to immediately tend to the baby at night so he wouldn't wake up my husband. It was a rough night, and I remember being in tears. It was about 11 p.m., and I had to sneak into our room to get something. I did this quietly so as not to wake up my husband. Lo and behold, he was up...watching porn."

—Anonymous

2."I came home after receiving devastating news from my doctor. I had been crying, and it showed in my eyes and face. I parked the car and went inside the house, and my then-husband immediately noticed I had been crying. He seemed genuinely concerned and asked what happened at the doctor's office. I told him I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and would need to start chemo immediately. He shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Great. What am I going to do when you die? Who is going to take care of me?' That's when I knew he only cared about himself. I left and never looked back. The best part is I have been cancer-free for the last 10 years."

—Anonymous

3."When we had our first son, I had a C-section. My husband was at the hospital and knew the pain I experienced. He went to Disneyland with his sister and their two kids the day we returned from the hospital. He left our baby and me at home with my mother and father-in-law, who expected me to cook and take care of them since, like my sister-in-law and her family, they came from overseas to visit and see our baby. We have been married for over 30 years now, and I cannot understand why we stayed together. It is clear his 'family' came first and will continue to be his priority. Our family together has always been second."

—Anonymous

4."My husband is a pathological liar and a compulsive gambler. He gambled away our home with all our possessions. I had some very sentimental gifts from my dad, photos, my wedding dress, and all my clothes in the house. And he denies it. Needless to say, I no longer love him, but since I have nowhere to go, I am stuck for the rest of my life."

—Anonymous

5."I worked three 12-hour nights, and my ex-husband stayed home with our two small sons. On the nights I was home, he would leave. One night, I asked why he always left on the nights I was home, and he said, 'My friends are my refuge from you guys.' Our marriage didn't last much longer."

—Anonymous

6."I was having a hard time adjusting to being a new mother and was exhausted and depressed. My then-husband convinced me I needed to fly across the country with my three-week-old baby so I could spend time with my mom. He gaslit me into believing he was being supportive. I later learned he used this time to take his girlfriend on a vacation."

—Anonymous

7."When my then-husband and I had been together for around 10 years, I discovered he had been trying to contact his high-school girlfriend through social media. I told him that was not okay and that I expected him to protect our marriage, not invite an old girlfriend into it. Another decade passed, and I learned they had gotten in touch via voice, text, and email. Hundreds of texts, including the one where he called her his 'long lost.' That really put our marriage on the rocks, and things weren't looking good. Again, I was clear that any contact with her was not okay with me and certainly not good for our marriage. So, he got his friends together, and they all decided that since things were not looking good for our future, he could disregard my feelings and visit her, which he did."

—Anonymous

8."I had been dating this guy for a while. He had to go to London for about six months for work. He would call and say that he missed me and he loved me. When he was due to return to the US, he told me he had gotten married while there!"

—Anonymous

9."For some reason, my now ex-husband would sometimes forget to come home after work. I found out he'd go out drinking, but he would always lie about where he went. I should have ended it the first year but instead got pregnant. I had a complicated pregnancy and was bedridden for six months. During that time, he disappeared for a week. When he came home, he brought an STI with him from sleeping with a sex worker. He cried and begged for forgiveness, and I forgave him. Two more children later, he did not change, and I finally got the courage to kick him out."

—Anonymous

10."We got dressed up and celebrated our first anniversary with a nice dinner. My then-husband proceeded to take me to the sleaziest strip joint in town. I asked one of my male friends why someone would do that, and he said to humiliate and demean me."

—Anonymous

11."I asked my husband not to invite his college friend on our trip to France. He did it anyway. This 'acquaintance' and his wife both came and ruined my two weeks by bullying me about how I spoke and walked, what color I wore, etc. Furthermore, the wife came to the trip sick, making all three couples sick. We recovered thanks to multiple appointments with French doctors and more medications and appointments with doctors when we got back to America. The husband of one of the other couples was from Sweden and was newly retired. He got so sick that he ended up on a ventilator and died from pneumonia. The woman who got us all sick acted like it was no big deal."

"What I learned is that my husband does not have my back. That would have ended the bullying if he shut down the rude comments from the beginning. If I had it to do over again, I would have gotten in a taxi and gone to a different hotel after telling the toxic troll to 'get a life.'"

—Anonymous

12."I had my second daughter by C-section, and right after the baby was born, the doctor asked my then-husband, 'Hey dad, how do you feel about seeing your brand new daughter?' He responded, 'I hope the next one is a boy!' I was so hurt that I didn't want him to help with the baby or me after I came home from the hospital. He didn't deserve her or me!"

—Anonymous

13."My husband and I were trying to reconcile when my mother suddenly died while I was staying with her and my dad. My father was completely inconsolable and left the arrangements to me and my sister. On top of this, I also recently lost a very prestigious and lucrative job. Needless to say, my sorrow and stress levels were through the roof. At the wake, my husband proceeded to complain to me that no one was paying any attention to him and that it was all my fault. I had been dealing with his narcissistic tendencies for a long time, but that was the last straw. Instead of trying to be there for me, his feelings were hurt that he wasn't the center of attention at my mother's funeral. I filed for divorce the next day."

—Anonymous

14."I used to pay my husband a monthly amount for household finances. We didn't share bank accounts, so this covered expenses, although he was very particular about it being cash only, due on the first of the month. I should've known this was a screwy relationship, given he treated me like I was renting a room in his house, but I was naive. Fast forward, and I was paying $800 a month out of my salary for his health insurance, on top of the monthly 'rent' and grocery expenses. I had a $600 health expense for one month and requested a break. Mind you, we were married. This should've been obviously acceptable. Instead, he flipped out about how I was extremely irresponsible with money for slighting him like that. He screamed at me for hours about how I was devaluing our relationship. I should've left then, but I foolishly thought that it was normal to put a price tag on 'love.'"

—Anonymous

15."I dedicated everything to my now ex-husband. I gave up my career, moved overseas with him, got him through college by writing all his papers, and so much more. After about 10 years, he finally hit his stride at work, was promoted after a rough patch, and was doing great. We had two kiddos (he didn't help raise them), and I worked full-time. This man was our world, and we were woven tightly together. When I thought we were entering an easier phase of the 'journey,' he turned to me one day and said I was a bad ROI for him. Then he man-splained to me that ROI meant 'return on investment.; Those three letters were arrows to my heart and lungs."

—Anonymous

16."We had our 17th anniversary right at the start of COVID. Amethyst is the gem for the 17th anniversary, so I got my husband a beautiful tree statue made of amethyst crystals and a card expressing how much I loved him. He got me nothing, not a card or a piece of candy. I didn't make a big deal about it because, even though he was still working, business was slow, and money was tight. I assumed he was trying to conserve money for our family, and there weren't many businesses open anyway due to lockdown restrictions. I later found out he didn't get me anything because he was too busy sending an Onlyfans girl our money and messaging her privately OUTSIDE of Onlyfans."

—Anonymous

17."I was pregnant with our baby and started spotting and having cramps. My husband said he couldn't miss work and stay with me because they would fire him for too many missed days. When he came home from 'work,' he had a ski lift tag on his shirt and admitted he had gone skiing with his friends. Meanwhile, I'd had a miscarriage that day."

—Anonymous

18."He had a work accident and broke his leg. I left work racing to get to the hospital 25 minutes away. I had been a critical care nurse for years, so I was able to assess the situation as he was 'in shock' at the time. I didn't return to my home to take care of my pets or have dinner. Instead, I drove an hour to his house and cared for his three cats overnight. I bought groceries, ran errands, maintained the wood stove for heating daily, etc. After countless hours, gasoline/mileage, groceries, and neglecting my own responsibilities, he said, 'You did nothing for me when I was injured.' The cruelty of his remark still stings years later."

—Anonymous

19."My brother died from spinal cancer during the pandemic. I couldn't even visit him in the hospice, and we didn't have a funeral because of the pandemic. I'm usually a very jovial person, and my husband hasn't really seen me crying and grieving. After four months, I was still crying and had waves of grief still coming over me. He snapped at me and asked when I would get over it because I was really bringing him down. This, of course, made me cry and scream more. When I brought it up later, he claimed he did not say that, and I must have imagined it in my grief."

—Anonymous

20."I was in the hospital giving birth to our second child. A friend told me later that my husband wanted to hook up with her while I was in the hospital."

—Anonymous

21."My husband is a compulsive gambler. When I was in the hospital having open heart surgery, the surgeon told me he tried to call my husband three times after the surgery but couldn't get through. I knew he was at the casino, which broke my heart."

—Anonymous

22."My now ex-husband paid his former girlfriend's telephone bill on our wedding day and continued to pay it each month until I found out. I found out when his phone buzzed, and I read her text. She said she was getting a new iPhone. He had been communicating and seeing her the entire time we were married. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't say anything to me because he knew I would want him to stop helping her. He also said I was being unreasonable and they were just friends."

—Anonymous

23."I had fallen and shattered my ankle. I had surgery with multiple incisions and metal plates, screws, pins, and wire to put all the splinters back into place. After I got to my hospital room, I called my boyfriend to let him know. His only comment was, 'Great, you're going to get fat now.'"

—Anonymous

24."My now ex-boyfriend lived 20 miles from me; we would spend some nights at his place and some at mine. Thanksgiving was coming up, and we were invited to his stepsister's home along with the rest of the family. It would have been my first time meeting her, and I was excited since I already got along with his stepfather, mother, and baby sister. Two days before Thanksgiving, I got sick, so I did everything I could to rest up and take care of my cold, but on Thanksgiving day, it was a full-blown flu. I talked to his mother and apologized while crying because I was worn out physically and mentally from being so sick and was told not to worry; my boyfriend said he was bringing a friend."

"Well, that was news to me, and when I called him, I was ignored until I got a text back saying he was with family and couldn’t talk, but it was one of his coworkers. So I told him it was sweet of him and I’d see him the next day. His baby sister called me later that evening to tell me he had brought some 20-year-old girl and announced her as the love of his life. I have never been so shocked and heartbroken. He called me the next day with excuses but admitted it was a female and they were ‘just friends’ and that what he said was a joke. Whatever he left in my place was in a bag on the porch, and I never spoke to him again. I have trust issues now and won’t date."

—Anonymous

25."My now ex-husband and I were out with a large group of friends. I overheard him tell a couple of our friends that he didn't love me when he asked me to marry him. One of our friends asked him why he wanted to marry me if he didn't love me. My ex answered, 'I knew she wouldn't cheat on me.' I turned around and looked at him in disbelief. When I asked him to repeat himself, he did. We didn't make it another three months."

—Anonymous

26."My insignificant other left for a week-long fishing trip with his buddies less than a week after my mom died unexpectedly. She had been my three-year-old son's nanny, and I was extremely close to her, and so was her grandson. Needless to say, I had to deal with both of our grief whilst he was off fishing and drinking with his buds."

—Anonymous

27."I had just gone through my third miscarriage and was scheduled for a D&C. My then-husband decided he was going to work that day, and I could get one of my friends to take me to the hospital and bring me home. Just as a side note, this is a surgery that requires anesthesia. My good friend and coworker ended up taking me that day, stayed with me at the hospital, and brought me home. When my husband got home from work, he barely asked how I was doing. When I started crying, he acted annoyed that I was sad about losing the baby and hurt that he wasn't there for me when I needed him. He claimed he didn't know it was that serious of a procedure. Fast forward to our divorce a few years later when he said, 'Well, I never wanted kids anyway.'"

—Anonymous

28."I was on the East Coast, had been married for six years, and had to have surgery for endometriosis. My mom on the West Coast was headed out to help after surgery. On the day of the surgery, my husband didn't want to take time off because he didn't want to sit alone in the hospital. My 45-minute surgery ended up with complications and took four hours. I'd been planning on checking out after the surgery, but the complications mandated a night of pain in the hospital. My husband hadn't called or checked on me; instead, he'd gone to a colleague's birthday party at a local bar. He said hospitals were depressing."

"The next day, Saturday, my 70-year-old mom arrived in the big city by herself. My husband didn't pick her up at the airport, help with luggage, or answer his cell, nor was he at the hospital with me. My mom figured out the hospital I was at, paid for a taxi, and sat with me until I could check out. We couldn't get him to pick us up at the hospital to go home; he had a headache! I knew then that I was truly alone in my marriage, and it was the kick in the pants I needed to get a divorce."

—Anonymous

29."My then-fiancé (now ex-husband) and I visited his parents for Christmas. Despite my massive anxiety, they required us to sleep in separate rooms. On Christmas morning, I woke up early and was texting friends and my brother the normal Merry Christmas things. He woke up, stormed in, and hissed, 'I know you're busy CHEATING on me, but it's time for gifts.' I started sobbing and took about a half hour to clean myself up and get ready. Then, in front of his parents and sister (who all thought he could do zero wrong), he made a tearful apology while we were sitting to open presents. Their shock and reactions told me they assumed I'd given him reason to be upset, and they treated me terribly for the rest of the trip. His sister refused to attend our wedding, and his mother wore all black. That marriage did NOT last long."

—Anonymous

30."During the birth of my oldest child, my ex/the father was busy playing video games and cheating on me with the baby's Godmother while I was in labor for over six hours alone."

—Anonymous

31."He bought himself the new camera I'd asked for for my birthday and gave me his 10-year-old camera. He told me his old one was 'new to me.' He didn't do anything for me for our first few Mother's Days because 'I'm not his mother.' I was told on several birthdays that he was wasting the money to buy me a card. He bought me a scale as a Christmas present. He left me alone in the hospital after giving birth to our child to go out to dinner with a friend. He has shared nearly everything with his parents concerning our marriage. He likes to add things that aren't true, which makes them think I'm a horrible person, to gain sympathy. I could go on and on…"

—Anonymous

32.And: "He was disappointed that our second child was another daughter, and he told me it after the birth — the birth of an over 10-pound baby that caused me to tear considerably. As the doctor was sewing me up, he asked if she could 'make it a little tighter' for him. For one of my post-birth checkups, I asked him to help and go with me because I was having some trouble walking. My mom was watching the girls. When he didn't understand, I explained I had just given birth to a 10-pound baby and was not completely healed. To which he replied, 'You're going to milk that one for all it's worth, aren't you?'"

—Anonymous

These betrayals make my heart heavy, and I'm deeply sorry to those who endured this pain. Women, if you've dealt with some type of betrayal in your relationship and want to share your story, you're invited to do so using this anonymous form.

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.