Women Are Sharing The "Final Straw" Moments That Empowered Them To Leave Their Unhappy Relationships
Reddit user heatedblankie recently posed this question to the r/AskWomen community: "What was the last straw in your relationship?" Hundreds of women came forward to share their breaking points in previous relationships. Here's what they revealed:
1."My grandpa was dying from glioblastoma and asked to meet my boyfriend before it happened, in case I married him. We had been together for over a year, and he wouldn't go. I dumped him before my grandpa passed away. I was thrilled to tell my grandpa he didn't have to worry about meeting that jerk."
2."One Thanksgiving, I spent all day cooking for our family. I had made biscuits from scratch. He made me cry at the Thanksgiving table; I can't even remember why. I went upstairs after we ate to take a bath. When I came down, he had thrown my biscuits out the front door 'for the dogs.' I still remember standing in the doorway, looking at my biscuits (which tasted fine) scattered. We've been happily divorced for eight years now. That wasn't the last straw. It was one of several things that should have been the end."
3."During a fight, he threw away a handmade Christmas card I'd given him. I'd drawn a picture of us ballroom dancing together. It took me four hours. As soon as I saw that card sitting at the bottom of the trashcan, I knew it was over."
4."We were living with my older parents due to financial troubles, and he got sick and didn't test himself. I found out it was COVID when my dad caught it and got so ill I had to take him to the ER. When talking to my ex, he said he was 'too busy' to test himself. I told him I wished he had because I thought my dad was going to die, and then I got the silent treatment. I never got an apology because 'it already happened,' 'was in the past,' and 'I wouldn't be happy if he said sorry anyway.' I also ended up catching COVID because I sat with my dad in the ER for so long. I had to miss my finals due to quarantining."
5."My ex has a young child with another woman, and during our relationship, I was kind of like a stepmom to the child. The child had a kindergarten graduation in May, and I had asked my ex if I could attend, but he said no because he was afraid that if he brought me, the child's mom would be mad and would no longer invite him to their child's events. He said that he would talk to the mom. So, the child then had a dance recital in June, but my ex still hadn't had the conversation with the mom, and again, I was not invited. When I expressed how upset I was, he said that he wanted to be selfish and 'f*ck my feelings.' He said that he 'didn't want to go against protocol.' So, I decided at that point to end the relationship. We had had other issues, but that was my deciding factor."
6."They gamed every time I was over the entire time. The one time I asked if they could get off an hour earlier to lay with me, they freaked out. Then, that hour was spent with them pouting. There were other things, but that's what set in stone that I couldn't be with this person much longer."
7."He chose to pick a fight with me at a good friend's wake. He told me he was mad at me for not making a phone call earlier in the week, and he couldn't separate our small disagreements from that tragic life event."
8."I wanted to go on a hike. He agreed. On the day of the hike, he stopped messaging me around the time we were supposed to go. I went on the hike by myself. Whatever. He didn't message me for the rest of the day. I messaged him good morning the next day, and he responded immediately. I asked what he did the previous day, and he said, 'Oh, nothing. Just chilling at my apartment.' I started to call him out, but he was passively trying to avoid conflict. I refused to stand down because, for me, it was over. I was just trying to figure out why I was being so disrespected. He just 'wasn't in it anymore.' OK? I asked why he didn't break up with me earlier, and he said he didn't know. Rage-inducing."
9."I was bleeding out after a C-section, and while the nurses were working hard to get me under control, he just sat there relaxed and holding the baby. I was hurt by how nonchalant he was and how he didn't really say anything to me. Finally, the nurse ended up holding my hand. He proceeded to sleep for 75% of the time in the hospital, so I had to stay awake with the baby. Later. I asked why he didn't respond more and didn't care, and he said, 'You're in a hospital. You're not going to die. It's fine.' And when I realized he didn't have any genuine concern for my life, it shattered everything."
10."My ex-boyfriend called my twin sister a bitch last year on the way to a New Year's celebration. Then, a few days later, when the family visited us, he was angry they left the coffee machine on. It was an accident, but he took the entire machine to work the next day. He even took the coffee beans. It was embarrassing and petty. I left him by February 1. We had been together for three and a half years, but I couldn't believe how he treated my family."
11."Him butt-dialing me so I could hear him doing drugs with his friend. I knew he was back on drugs, but he, of course, kept denying it. The butt dial gave me the proof I needed. I called him back and told him to come home and pack his things because we were done."
12."Light meals. We had gone years with me in the mother role; I was the main breadwinner and the house manager/planner/cleaner/cook. I had done everything I could possibly think of to get him to contribute in some way, shape, or form to our lives, and he just couldn't get out of his own way. One day, I was meal-planning and writing the shopping list. At the same time, I asked him if he could think of any meals he'd like to cook or eat through the week, and his suggestion was 'light meals.' He couldn't tell me what that meant beyond the fact that the meals I'd been providing were too heavy for his liking. I stopped him in his tracks and called the whole thing off."
13."Money has always been tight. We needed a new bed due to my chronic pain. Every time we got some money together, we needed something else he wanted instead. We both agreed that after putting aside the bed for several years, getting a new one was next. Our tax refund came, and I enjoyed not panicking about buying the groceries. I hadn't ordered the bed yet because I was still looking at options. He began going on about how we could afford a bed AND a new computer (we couldn't). His computer started acting up, and he needed a new one. I told him I needed a bed. He would not let it go, so I told him to buy the damn computer. I was done that day."
14."My husband fucked someone else in our bed shortly before our fourth wedding anniversary. I didn't find out until five months later. I don't know how many others there were, and it doesn't really matter anyway. The day I found out, I put all his belongings in bags on the driveway, changed locks on the house, and filed for divorce."
15."He wasn’t ready to meet my parents after three years."
"I'm in the same situation now with my partner. My partner keeps telling me he's not ready while I've been completely intertwined with his family for the past three years. I've cried to him, but he keeps saying he doesn't want it to be forced. I'm such a big part of his life and family, but he's not a part of mine. Sigh."
16."I was paying more in bills, going to college, working full-time, cleaning, cooking, and managing the house. I came home one day from a 12-hour shift, changed into house clothes, and started vacuuming. He walked in (he took a break from video games) and was really exasperated that I had changed into a shirt and boxers to clean. He told me that we had 'lost our spark.' This devastated me. I started going to the gym, dressing up, cooking meals, hanging out in nice, uncomfortable clothing, and serving him. He expressed no gratitude. I continued on. After a full day of high-level STEM courses and a gym visit, I was on my way home, and I pulled over and broke down sobbing. What was I even working so hard for? This life of servitude? An unfulfilling sex life and getting no emotional needs met? Why?"
"I broke up with him shortly after. It was sad because I don't think he's a bad person; he's just a bad partner."
17."I was holding both of our plastic bottles while he took off and handed me his jacket. Without thinking, I put the bottles down on the ground (in a normal way) to grab the jacket. He got mad at me and said, 'I can't drink this now. It's covered in germs.' Even though I offered to sanitize it, he said it wouldn't be enough and threw his half-full water bottle in the bin. He then gave me the 'distance treatment' for a couple of days over it. I knew he was a germaphobe, and I'd changed a lot of my ways to cater to him, but the way he handled this was too much for me. I finally knew it wouldn't work out."
18."I was sick one weekend, and he decided to go out with friends. He came home at 3:30 a.m., wasted and loud, and had absolutely no regard for my well-being. I'm so much happier now."
19."He canceled plans three times in a row. I knew he was going through some shit, so I said, 'Hey, let's just put this relationship on the back burner and just chill out for a bit because this is hurting me.' He agreed that was wise. Three days later, he texted me that I was the issue in our relationship because 'friends should keep reaching out and make plans until something works.' I asked him why he expected me to be his friend if he wasn't willing to be mine. We argued for maybe five minutes before I blocked him on everything and moved on with my life."
20."Throughout most of our time living together, he expected me to cook and clean for him and give him sex whenever he wanted because he 'provided for us.' We split our bills proportionately to our incomes, and I made less. We fought constantly because I asked him to help me a little and stop treating me like a maid; he was appalled that I'd ask him to do something as difficult as unload the dishwasher or make sure his dirty clothes got into the hamper. The nail in the coffin was when I had COVID and he still expected me to cook dinner for us. When I asked if he could do it, we proceeded to fight for two hours over it. I moved out the week after."
21."He brought home a PowerPoint his department at work made for his birthday that talked about how great and supportive and helpful he was, how he always had wonderful advice, and how he made time for everyone. It poked fun at me for being a stick in the mud and holding him back from all the trips he wanted to take and the fun he wanted to have. I was raising our kids and debilitated from a recently diagnosed autoimmune disorder, and I had to give up my career because of it. It made me realize that he did all those things for them but none of those things for us. He had been cold, distant, and cruel at home for years. He moved out two weeks later. And you what? I immediately started feeling better than I had in years."
22."Getting called selfish and controlling for wanting to buy an apartment for him, his daughter, and myself. It crushed me."
23."He was Snapchat cheating with an old classmate of his. Allegedly, they didn't meet up, but who knows? But I'm so glad it happened because I was very unhappy in that relationship and needed something to wake me up."
24."I got a job offer in another state, and it was an incredible opportunity. He was supposed to take me out to dinner. After waiting two hours for him to pick me up, he called to tell me he needed to take his mom to the grocery store (she was fully capable). After two birthdays and countless other celebrations missed because of his mom and her needs, I had enough."
25."She threw away my Thanksgiving leftovers because 'they had gone bad.' It was the day after Thanksgiving. I never got to eat any."
26."We were together for three years. The first two were great (perfect, honestly), but the last year, he was distant. Then we had a pretty bad hurricane, and he insisted on staying with his family through it, so I stayed with mine. The morning after the storm, there was no cell service or anything, and I finally got a call through to him at about 5:00 p.m. He said he'd been checking on all his friends and visiting their places. He didn't care to check on me and my family at all. I then realized he didn't love me like I loved him and broke up with him a month later."
27."We were together for seven years. While my now ex-boyfriend was showering, one of his friends came over. I started asking his friend what I could do to improve my relationship with my then-boyfriend. The friend told me that there was nothing I could do but leave. He said I had tried my best but saw that my ex put in no effort. This opened my eyes. Before this chat, I thought I was wrong about my ex mistreating me all this time. My ex got mad at me because I had 'lied' about him being abusive, and now my friends didn't like him anymore. So, the fact that his friend went out of his way to tell me the truth made me realize I wasn't losing my mind. A few days later, I left him."
28."After a year and a half of telling my ex that it bothered me when he didn’t initiate dates or do anything cute for me, he didn’t plan anything for Valentine’s Day. He only bought me flowers after he saw I was upset by the lack of plans. I remember thinking that day that I didn’t want to feel disappointed for the rest of my life."
29.And: "I was his longest relationship, and our first anniversary rolled around, and he didn't text me or mention anything about it. We couldn't see each other because he worked a 24-hour shift. I waited until 11:00 p.m. and said, 'Happy anniversary...' He told me he said nothing because we'd argued three weeks prior. He didn't know how to let anything go. He thought relationships had to be 'perfect' and that couples should never fight."
Women, what was your "final straw" moment with a partner that pushed you to end the relationship? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
