"I Never Went Back To See Her": Women Are Opening Up About The Most Unhinged Thing A Therapist Has Ever Said Or Done To Them
Therapy can be an incredible, eye-opening tool for so many people. But sometimes, you might land on a therapist who doesn't quite match what you're looking for. In the case of women of the r/AskWomen community, they shared their major red flag stories when asked by redditor u/compassdial to share the worst thing a therapist has said to them. Here's what they had to say.
Note: This post contains mentions of sexual assault, domestic violence, and pregnancy loss.
1."When my therapist told me, 'Someday you’ll miss the attention,' after I told him about a man who followed me around Walmart blowing me kisses, waving, and asking for my number after telling him many times to leave me alone (this was shortly after being stalked by a different man)."
2."During the first appointment, I told her I wanted to work on my anger because my boyfriend and I were fighting a lot. Then we talked about my family, and I told her I was the youngest child. Without hesitation, she said, 'Is that why you throw fits to get what you want?' She didn't know what my boyfriend and I were fighting about. She didn't know anything about my family situation, just automatically thought: You're the youngest, so you throw fits when you don't get your way. Dropped her. Dropped the boyfriend. Life is much better."
3."I specifically asked my insurance company to refer me to non-religious therapists, and they absolutely came through for me. In my first session, I discovered that this therapist LIED about not being religious because 'people wouldn't see her otherwise!' And then she told me to accept God's will that my mom was dying."
4."I was telling my therapist about how I struggle to get into relationships because I'm naturally introverted, and I had an abusive boyfriend in the past. She rolled her eyes and told me to 'Just go out and get on apps. Do something about it.' It made me feel like she was annoyed with me and killed any comfort I felt with her."
5."First time seeing one. I had never opened up before and decided to give her a fair chance. I answered all her questions and told her what had happened to me as a child. Her answer to my trauma was, 'Why aren't you over that yet? Other people had it worse than you, and they're over it.' I never went back to see her. I got another one in the building, and I told him how his coworker had treated me. He was not happy to hear that. Luckily, he was different, and I kept going there and got my diagnosis, which explained so much about the mess in my head. When I asked about the other one a few months later, she didn't work there anymore. My guess is more people complained about her, and she was let go because of it, but I will never know for sure."
6."'Everyone has friends, why don't you?' Then dropped me as a client minutes before the next session and tried to charge $200 for a barely one-hour phone call."
7."I have struggled with anxiety my whole life, so therapy has been nothing new. A few years ago, I tried a new therapist, and we were discussing my ruminating, anxious thoughts (something I have always struggled with). I kid you not; she looks at me and goes, 'Have you just tried not thinking about it?' I went pretty silent, and all I could think was, 'Well, if I could do that, you'd be out of a job.' Not the best method, but I ghosted her after that one."
8."My therapist told me It's no surprise I've been sexually assaulted before because of the way I'm built. She said men have a hard time controlling themselves around 'fertile-looking' women and blamed it on biology and instinct rather than individual choice. This was after she told me I only think I'm bisexual because I'm influenced by the media. I should have been more keen on that red flag."
9."When she essentially told me that I wasn't making progress and suggested that I go see her friend who was a 'medium.' I'm convinced it was a ploy to earn her friend some money and give her clients more trauma to come back to her with."
10."Well, she fell asleep when I was right about to get into some serious feelings and trauma, so that was my sign."
11."I was having a hard time dealing with my five miscarriages, and the therapist told me to 'keep trying and eventually one will stick.'"
12."I was severely depressed, to the point of wanting to die, in an extremely abusive relationship, living 2,000 miles away from anybody I knew, and stuck at home with two small kids. My therapist asked if I had ever thought about talking to my significant other about my feelings."
13."I was in a relationship and having so much anxiety about it. So, I sought counseling because he was a nice guy. I didn’t want to break it off, but I also had SO MUCH anxiety. She said, 'Oh, you should just marry him anyway.' That wasn’t helpful, and no, I didn’t marry him, thankfully. Anxiety blinded me to some red flags. I’m happily married to someone else now and had no anxiety dating him."
14."90% of what she said was the same question: 'How does that make you feel?' It was like she was a parrot, and it was the only thing she knew how to say. Then she switched to, 'You have to have faith in God that things will work out.' I am not religious at all. I told her more than once that I wasn’t comfortable with that expression, and she just didn’t stop. She really annoyed me."
15."I was going through the worst depression of my life, about to have a baby within the next two weeks, and during our session, I was talking and ranting and getting my emotions out. She interrupted me, told me my hour was up, and that she was going on vacation and couldn't see me for about a month. Never went back to her."
16."In college, I was severely depressed and had just been broken up with. My first therapist suggested we have our session in a park. He told me he had feelings for me. Fast forward many years, and the guy is still practicing."
17."In my 20s, I went to a male psychiatrist for crippling social anxiety. He said, 'You're so pretty, though, you shouldn't be feeling this way!' Yeah, never saw him again."
18."When I was 13, my first therapist suggested I pray and find Jesus when I told him that I was being sexually exploited on the internet because I sent nudes to someone whom I thought I could trust. I was 13. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Jesus can't fix this one, buddy. We should probably have called the police."
19."I went to see a therapist I had liked since I was a teen. They got that fancy EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) training and were supposed to be really familiar with extensive trauma. Well, she suggested that instead of finding another therapist for my then-boyfriend, SHE be his individual therapist AND do couples for us."
"It really hit me when she would hug my boyfriend goodbye and not me. When he returned with a beard, she was literally fawning over him and saying how beards to her are 'animalistic.' She was practically drooling. She would do EMDR for him by sitting on the couch, doing the tapping thing, and going up his leg. How completely fucked up is that?!
She was also trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me AFTER we both said we wanted to work out our issues, and she taught him to hide things from me — super fun creep of a doctor."
20."I was seeing a psychiatrist for medicated management of ADHD. During that period, I was assaulted while walking home. I told her about the assault during one of our check-ins and was in a very down-on-myself headspace, where I was beating myself up for being in that situation. When I described it to her, I said, 'I know I was dumb,' she agreed and said, 'Yeah, you were dumb.' Then she basically piled on about how dumb I was and how I was partly to blame. So I left and didn't come back."
If you also have a "red flag" therapist story, feel free to tell us about it in the comments. You can also fill out this form to remain anonymous.
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
