11 Tips for Picking a Wedding Hairstyle You’ll Love Forever

Sophia Panych
·18 min read

Adobe Stock

Our hair is deeply connected to our identity and can intensely affect our self-confidence. Add a major life event that is (often) a highly photographed and (sometimes) a highly expensive affair, and the pressure of picking your wedding hairstyle can feel very overwhelming.

Deciding if your hair will be up or down is first and foremost a personal preference, but there is also a long list of factors that come into play: your dress, your venue, the time of year, the texture and length of your hair, whether or not hair accessories will be adorning your wedding hairstyle. As someone planning a wedding, I was surprised to find myself debating even further minutiae—slicked-back bun or messy chignon—long after my initial hair trial where I had landed on something in between that felt very quintessentially “bridal”: a low knot with volume at the crown and face-framing tendrils. I thought I had it all figured out, only to find myself staring in the mirror at my first dress fitting, realizing I had made a mistake and that maybe sleek, clean, and simple was the way to go. Cue the panic.

Like I said, it’s a big decision. And even the pros recognize it: “Choosing your wedding hairstyle can feel very stressful,” says hairstylist Sam McKnight (who, no big deal, has counted Princess Diana, Kate Moss, and Lady Gaga as clients). “There can be a lot of factors at play, but what it comes down to is choosing a hairstyle that will leave you feeling confident, beautiful, and like yourself. That's the most important thing.”

Wherever you are in the process—maybe you’re just starting to plan or having an existential updo crisis in a fitting room—we’ve got some essential reading to help you prep for your perfectly coiffed walk down the aisle.

Meet the experts:

In this story:

It all starts with the dress…

Beauty pros will tell you the dress sets the tone for red carpet events—and the same thing is true for the biggest event of your year. The first thing to consider is the neckline. “High necklines are more flattering with hair up, to show off the neck and décolleté, while low necklines can carry hair down, half-up styles, and long lengths trailing down the back,” says McKnight. “It’s about balancing the silhouette, although that's not to say that rules can't and shouldn’t be broken!”

It doesn’t stop there, though. Elements like a button back make it tricky to wear your hair down (the ends can get caught and tangled, not to mention it covers that gorgeous detail of the dress); a stiff, high collar—like in my case with my Halfpenny London blazer—can compete with a low chignon), whereas a simple silhouette like a slip or shift dress open up a variety of options.

Ultimately, it comes down to how much you want to show off your dress, says Alisha Vik, a bridal hair specialist who works for The Key Look, a luxury bridal beauty company based in New Jersey. And you can get a head start on that decision the day you say ‘yes’ to the dress. “During the appointment, take a couple of pictures with your hair up as well as your hair down, and show those to your hairstylist,” says Lisa Weller, hair stylist and founder of Twirl Salon in San Antonio, Texas.

… And depends on the weather

We may not be able to control it, but we have to talk about the forecast. Rain, heat, and humidity are the most problematic issues for every hair type, causing frizz, lack of volume, sweaty roots and ends (if your hair is against your back), and curls to droop and fall. “For [curly and coily hair], this is especially important as heat and sweat is going to cause your hair to poof out if we’re not there on site to fix or smooth it out,” says Vik.

In general, an updo is the most forgiving regardless of the weather. If it’s hot and humid, you avoid the risk of sweaty roots and ends or volume collapsing from the moisture. If it’s windy, your hair won’t move around as much or blow into your face (depending on the style) and your veil will be more secure. That being said, if you want to wear your hair down, your hairstylist can and will make it work. However, all of our experts suggested booking your stylist to stay on for touch-ups, at least until the ceremony and photos are done. “I just did that last weekend because it was pouring rain and I wanted to be around to freshen up the bride’s front pieces of hair,” says Kelly. Kindred Beauty and The Key Look both offer packages that include staying on location, while for Weller’s high-profile clients, she prefers to stick around until cocktail hour. “To be honest, I don't really like to do weddings where I'm not going to be there through the whole process because a lot can happen between walking down the aisle and getting to your reception,” she says. “For example, I once had an outdoor wedding where bugs had crawled into the veil, which was sewed into the bride’s hair. I had to take it out, clean it, and then reattach it before photos. This is an extreme case but you never know what can happen!”

The reality is though, even with every fancy weather app on your phone, and everything planned to perfection, sometimes unexpected heat waves, rain showers, or blustery conditions happen. Hairstylists’ best advice is to have a backup hairstyle in case the weather foils your first choice (especially if your wedding is outdoors). “This is also helpful if you’re between two hairstyles,” says Katie Kelly, hairstylist and co-founder of Kindred Beauty Co., a bridal beauty company based in New York’s Hudson Valley. “Say you can’t decide between an up and a down look. We’ll save the updo as a backup plan if the weather is funky on the day of the wedding. In this case, we’ll try both styles at the trial and take some pictures so the bride feels comfortable with both options.”

Gather inspiration photos

Searching for “wedding hair” on Pinterest isn’t the only way to find references. Hairstylists like McKnight and Weller advise looking outside of the bridal world. That goes for your routine scroll on social media: “Take screenshots on your phone [of inspiring looks] and save it to an album every time you come across something you love,” McKnight says.

Depending on how glam or quintessentially bridal you want to go with your look, you might not want to search for “wedding hairstyle ideas” at all. “When I'm doing research for brides, I tend to not look at other wedding hairstyles,” says Weller. “I'm more inspired by the red carpet and runway, and then I imagine a wedding dress with that look. For example, if a bride has a bob and they're blonde, I’ll look up celebrities like Naomi Watts or Cate Blanchett and some of their red carpet looks and how they wore their hair. I find these styles look much more modern and timeless.”

Consider your hair type, color, and texture

Before you screenshot or hit save on any inspiration photos, take a second to consider how similar your hair is to the person in the photo in terms of thickness, texture, and even color. “Hairstyles will look different on blondes versus brunettes but the biggest difference is actually how certain hairstyles look on someone with dimensional hair color versus non-dimensional hair color,” explains Weller. If your hair is one solid color, a style with lots of detail work like waves, braids, or lots of textures, might be more difficult to see because there’s no differentiation in tone. On the flipside, very sleek hairstyles often look better with solid shades as the shine will bring lots of attention to all the various tones in your hair. “If someone with a solid color is showing me a photo of a very dimensional look, I’ll often try to recommend them getting highlights so the style will look more like the one they want, or suggest styles that wil showcase their hair color best,” adds Weller.

Knowing what your hair is like and what it can do is also integral. Does it hold a curl? Does a great blow-dry last for days? Does your texture allow for a messy bun? Do you have enough length and thickness to create a shapely chignon? Being realistic about your hair is key, as is being realistic about what you're seeing in the photos. “There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors with hair and a lot [of extensions] are added for the red carpet or the runway to make hair look thicker and longer,” adds Weller.

Length does matter

There’s a long-held assumption that every bride is going to let their hair grow as long as possible for their big day. But like tossing the bouquet or wearing something blue (or wearing something white, even), this is not a must. Not only should you keep your hair at the length you like it, but it’s better not to go super long. The experts we spoke to agree that medium-length hair (around shoulder length) is the most versatile as it goes up easily, looks great down, waves well, and tends to hold volume.

And with short hair, there really aren’t as many limitations as you think “Short hair is fantastic to show off more dramatic textures or silhouettes,” says McKnight. “Voluminous styles, especially root lift, will last longer, and sleek silhouettes such as finger waves can look incredibly chic for an evening ‘do.” Or, if you have a signature haircut, you can make it special by adding a piece of jewelry or an accessory you love, adds Weller.

Long hair can be trickier, depending on how long or thick your hair is. “Because it’s heavier, long hair can drop quicker and volume may be harder to achieve and maintain,” says McKnight. “You know your hair best, so be honest with what your hair will do as weddings are often long days (and nights).” If you do wear your hair up and want loose, face-framing tendrils, you also might want to consider cutting in some softer, shorter pieces to keep them from looking too long.

Having very thick, long hair can also make updos uncomfortable for long periods, so if this is you, Kelly recommends considering something half-up or pinning the face-framing bits back. “That way, you have the best of both worlds: your hair is out of your face but then it’s still down in the back.” For more inspiration, take a peek at these wedding hairstyles perfect for long hair.

Be selective with your hairstylist.

If all of this sounds more daunting than sorting out your 137-person seating chart, don’t worry, some professionals do this every week, sometimes multiple times a week. It’s important to find a hairstylist you work well with—and it’s just as important that they have experience doing weddings or special styles so make sure to check, first.

If your longtime hairstylist doesn’t specialize in bridal beauty, start by asking friends who were recently a bride or a bridesmaid. And if you have a wedding planner, ask for their recommendations of who they have built relationships with.

If you still haven’t found anyone, look for a bridal beauty agency with a portfolio that matches the aesthetic you’re after for your wedding. To further vet their suggestions, read online reviews. Did they show up on time? Did they ever cancel? Were they eating while doing someone’s glam? “These are all notes to look out for as we often get brides who experience these things and then give us a call last minute,” says Kelly. Besides punctuality, a hairstylist with good, calming energy is also key. “Your hairstylist is the person you spend the most time with on your wedding day so having someone who is not only talented, but who you also have good chemistry with is important for such an emotional, and busy day,” says Weller.

Once you have found a potential stylist, they should proactively ask for images of you, your dress, and your inspiration ahead of your appointment. "This makes our appointments so much more productive. Because we’re not learning all this information on the spot, we can think of ideas and prepare things like extensions ahead of time,” says Kelly.

Show up to the trial prepared…

The timing of your trial is important. You want to book your appointment a few months before the wedding so you have time to finesse your cut or color after trying out a few potential styles. Maybe you want to grow your hair out or cut it shorter for the big day. Perhaps your hairstylist will suggest highlights to add dimension to your updo. Having a trial early enough gives you time to make those decisions and fit in additional appointments ahead of your wedding day. And trust me, you don’t want to be stressing about squeezing those in a week or two before your wedding as invoices start coming in and in-laws begin to arrive.

You also want to avoid making any major changes ahead of your trial. “So many times someone's come in for a trial and wanted a specific style, but they just cut off four inches and there won’t be enough time for it to grow back,” says Kelly. “So, please, hold off on making any changes before your trial so we can chat about what you want to do and how that might impact what you want to do for your wedding day.” (And it probably seems obvious but the advice applies after your trial, too—don’t make any major changes unless you’ve given your stylist a heads up that the plan you agreed upon is shifting.)

Once you’ve booked your trial, send your hairstylist your inspiration images and a photo of you in your wedding outfit (although, a seasoned stylist should ask for this once you’ve made your appointment). If you haven't sent your inspiration photos ahead of your trial, bring them on the day. It’s a good idea to give a few examples of different styles you like, especially if you’re not sure if you want to wear your hair up or down. “I always like to see at least three to four photos of what they like, both up or down,” says Vik. “Then, once I see the bride in person and I see their hair, we can discuss which style is better based on their hair type and texture.”

When it comes to the actual trial appointment, arrive with clean, freshly-washed hair, just as you would on your wedding day (unless your stylist advises differently). Taking the time to prep your hair beforehand gives you more time during your trial to fine-tune the style for your wedding day.

Coming prepared also means being mindful of what you’re wearing to the appointment. “In our pre-trial instructions, we tell brides to wear white, or whatever color they plan to wear on their wedding, and potentially a top that mimics the neckline of their dress as it will give you an idea of what it will look like on your wedding day,” says Kelly, who has had clients show up in sports bras and lime green sweaters. In my case, I wore an old Anine Bing T-shirt that made it hard to picture the final look, which is one of the reasons I found myself spiraling at my dress fitting. After speaking to Kelly for this story, I called my hairstylist and booked a second trial—wearing a white button down that mimicked the neckline of my wedding blazer.

But go to the trial alone

With a laundry list of factors to consider, from the weather report to the buttons on the back of your dress, adding your mom, sister, or bridesmaids’ opinion into the mix only adds to the stress. Most beauty pros and bridal beauty agencies make that decision for you by setting a one-guest or no-guest policy, as they’ve seen the confusion and tension it can cause.

“We’ve had major issues with having extra people at the trial, but even with one guest there can be this dynamic where that person doesn't agree with what the bride wants to do,” says Kelly. “If you are going to bring a guest, make sure it’s someone you trust, and set boundaries with them ahead of time on how you want them to weigh in.”

A word about hair accessories

Expensive or handmade, simple or extravagant, newly purchased or passed down from family, the most important thing is that a bridal hair accessory isn’t an afterthought. It’s a major detail you want to share with your hairstylist right away so they can plan accordingly. And whatever it is, it should be something that feels really special to you.

The reality is that many of the bridal hair accessories are attached to combs and clips that don’t work with a lot of hair textures and hairstyles. Weller recounts dozens of times she’s had to take apart pricey pieces of hair jewelry to make them fit in the hair, prying them off the comb herself or even bringing them to a professional to desolder. So to make sure all their time is spent on their hair, or that you don’t waste your money, make sure you show your hairstylist the accessory you want to wear as soon as possible in the process.

Flowers can be just as tricky as a $350 hair comb. If you want to add fresh flowers to your style, Kelly recommends buying a bouquet or some extra buds from your florist and asking your hairstylist to arrange them in your hair. “That way, it will look natural and not heavy,” she adds. “When florists make hair pieces it often ends in disaster because they’ve attached a bunch of flowers to a hair comb that I then spend 30 minutes taking apart.”

Once you’ve settled on an accessory for the big day, bring it with you to your trial so your hairstylist can determine how to incorporate it into your hair, says McKnight. This includes your veil, too. “The trial is the time to test how it sits, if the comb is sturdy enough, and how it will be removed without damaging your ‘do if you are selecting to remove it after the ceremony or not,” he adds.

Don’t be afraid to speak up.

“I hear all the time that people are afraid to make changes or say they don’t like something because they feel bad. But please, say something,” says Kelly. “We don’t take any of that personally and just want you to be happy.”

You will be the one with these photos forever, so take the time to try different styles during the trial and make changes to the look until it’s perfect. “The trial can be a journey and a process of elimination. We might be leaning towards one style and then I’ll hold and shape the hair differently and all of a sudden we change our minds” adds Kelly. “Oftentimes I’m discovering with them.”

What to keep in mind if you’re doing your own hair.

If you’re styling your hair for your wedding, it’s still key to be mindful of your dress, the weather, how you plan to incorporate hair accessories, and how your hair type holds up best. Most of all, regular practice sessions are essential. “The more experience you have the speedier and more relaxed it will be the day of,” says McKnight

Besides that, keeping your hair healthy will also help you realize your wedding hair vision, and it starts in the shower, explains McKnight. If you’re going for a style with lots of volume, use a volumizing shampoo and conditioner, whereas if your hair is dry and frizz-prone, choose a formula that will leave the hair smooth and sleek. And make sure you have an abundance of supplies on hand: bobby pins and hairpins are key for updos, as is choosing the right styling products for your specific look. Brides with natural hair will want styling gel and shine spray to keep curls defined and glossy. If you’re doing an updo, texturizing spray or foam will help your hair pins to hold better, while a multi-tasking hairspray with heat protection ensures your style, up or down, will stay put until the very last dance.

More wedding advice:

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Originally Appeared on Allure

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