14 Women Revealed Why They Stayed With Their Cheating Partners, And I Commend Them For Their Honesty
Recently Reddit user yukiseyo asked the women of the community, "For those who took back their cheating partners, what made you do it?"
Their stories were very eye-opening, providing insight that many people probably haven't heard before. Sometimes women believe "once a cheater, always a cheater," while others believe in second chances.
So, here are some women who decided to stay with their significant others, despite them cheating:
Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic abuse and drug abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1."We broke up for about a year. The affair was extremely traumatizing for me, and I did a lot of therapy, grieved deeply, and drank way too much wine. A few months post-breakup, I decided to pick myself up. I signed up for hang gliding lessons (something I've always wanted to do) and hit some of the dating apps just for the confidence boost. Nothing really came from that. About six months after the breakup, my ex hit rock bottom. There was a traumatic death at his work, and he realized he couldn't drown his feelings in beer or drugs anymore. He saw how empty and alone he was. I was truly worried about him, so I visited him (he was in another state at that time) on the condition that he laid out the entire affair story for me, and every horrible detail that he didn't want to even face himself."
"It was painful but necessary. We talked regularly after that, and a few months later, we started dating again. I loved him deeply, but because of the work I had done, I knew I didn't need him.
It's been about three years now, and he's never been that guy again...that guy who ruined our lives. It's going well. Healing is a slow and painful process, but there's been no rug-sweeping.
We're building a new life together, and I'm glad to have him as my partner. I also think I have a healthier attachment to him now because I practically worshiped him before, and now I love him as a flawed human (like we all are)."
2."I found out he was emotionally cheating on me with a woman from Canada (we live in the US). I broke up with him immediately. We would talk off and on because he was remorseful, and we shared a lot of hobbies. He decided to go to therapy and work on his issues without me asking him to. It was about two years later that we decided to give it another go."
"We have been together now for two years now, and we have slowly built the trust back up with a lot of honest, heartfelt talks. I wouldn't have taken him back if he had physically cheated or if he didn't go to therapy.
He also knows that if I even get an inkling of him cheating or doing what he did before, I will be gone. The important part is that I know that I will leave without a moment's hesitation. This is his only chance."
3."For one, the fact that I cheated too. We forgave each other and vowed to start a clean slate. This was 13 years ago, and we will celebrate 17 years together this fall. Sometimes you get lucky and grow up. We're such better people now than we used to be back then."
4."He cheated on me when I was 19 and pregnant with his child in 2003 — he told me about it. I didn't have to corner him with evidence. He just simply came clean of his own guilt, which is ultimately why I was able to move on. He was honest in the aftermath of the cheating and so very remorseful about it all. I, however, was in pieces. I left him after his confession, and we weren't together for the next eight years. And in those eight years, we were both petty and unreasonable as co-parents, but it was because there was frankly so much love between us still. He infuriated me, but I also never found anyone quite like him and always wished 'if he could just change, we'd live happily ever after.' I infuriated him mainly because he had a whole heck of a lot of self-hatred to be projected."
"He had an extremely rough childhood and needed a lot of healing and growth. We both had other relationships during this break (I actually had a seven year-long relationship during this time). For anyone on the outside looking in, they'd think we both moved on. But in 2011, he got to a point in life where he was figuring it all out (which I was doing as well).
He was coming up on his mandatory release from prison at the time, and he had saved up several thousand dollars while simultaneously doing anything he could to support us financially too). But he had nowhere 'safe' to live and couldn't secure an apartment. I wanted my daughter to have a chance at her relationship with him more than I cared about anything.
So that's how it all began again. Within a week, we were officially back together. We got married in 2014, and in 2023, I gave birth to our son (a full 19 years apart from our first child), and we both just celebrated our 10-year anniversary.
He's my best friend, my biggest supporter, and I know he hasn't cheated on me again (nor would he ever plan to). He says he lost eight years of his life that day and has zero plans to mess that up again. We have a beautiful life now, and I honestly owe it all to that day. Had that day not happened, we definitely wouldn't be here today celebrating anniversaries together!"
5."My dad has cheated on my mom over and over for their entire 40+ years of marriage. She has been with him since she was 14 years old, so I guess she knows nothing else. All of us kids (all grown now) cannot understand why she continues to stay. I think it's her lack of self-esteem, her knowing nothing but him, and her childhood trauma — but who really knows. I wish she'd leave him. She has 110% support from everyone in her family, but she still stays even though she's miserable. It feels abusive at this point."
6."He didn’t physically cheat, but I found out he had a porn addiction and had been buying content from women he went to school with. It was devastating. I cried the way you would cry for a close family member dying. We’d had the perfect day the day before I found out. I thought our relationship was perfect — he was always kind, reassuring, and patient. We never argued. When we got together, he unfollowed girls he didn’t know on Instagram, would comment on all of my posts and like them. He even got my name tattooed on his throat (his idea). I fully believed he didn’t check other women out, let alone have a porn problem. The only problem in our relationship that I was aware of was our sex life, but I chalked that up to him having a lower sex-drive than me."
"When I found out, he didn’t deny it — he took full accountability. He said he’d go to therapy, get a flip phone, and have a joint bank account. I wanted to break up with him, but how can you go from being so happy one day to devastated to being betrayed the next? It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.
It's been nine months since I found out, and he’s had one 'relapse' that I know of. We both go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and have sponsors (on top of quitting porn, I decided we both needed to quit smoking weed and drinking).
We do couples therapy now, and I do solo therapy and NA, like I said. Surprisingly, I feel our relationship has become better in a lot of ways. To know everything about one another (the good AND the bad). I sometimes still think I’m a 'weak' woman for staying, but the truth is, I’m really strong. It’s harder to stay than it is to leave.
When you do the research on porn addiction and the shame surrounding it, it helps. I’ve never seen it as a problem of me not being enough because I know that I am. His addiction to porn has nothing to do with me. I can’t help but look at his inner child and believe he is capable of change.
His desire to change is the biggest thing. He was somewhat in denial at the beginning of how much of a problem it all was, but he has come a long way. Most men would say, 'Every guy does it, you’re insecure, why would you go through my phone?' etc. — but he didn’t. He said, 'I’ll get help.'"
7."He never blamed me and took full ownership and responsibility. He went to therapy on his own and then with me. He gave me his passwords to everything and never said a word when I wanted to randomly check things (and boy, was I fucking thorough). It took a couple of years of consistent reassurance, but I can genuinely say I trust him now. I can still look at his phone if I have a random moment of insecurity, which is thankfully not often now. I’m glad I gave him another chance because he’s my best friend. We grew up together through it, and we became closer. It forced us to communicate better."
8."I know the context surrounding the situation and I knew that it was not a threat to my relationship. That's probably hard to wrap one's head around, and I am omitting a lot of details. I asked a lot of questions, but the TL;DR is I wanted to know if it was first of all planned, how it happened, how he thought of it, and how he approached it when he told me. I would have never known if he didn't tell me. I definitely think that the concept of cheating in any given relationship these days is one of the most gray matters that is unfortunately treated as black and white."
9."Sunk-cost fallacy. We had been together and built a life together at that point, and being alone seemed daunting at the time. I’m glad I did it and don’t regret it. He has proven himself. We have been together 12 years now, married for five, and our first baby is on the way. Would I do it again? No. If this were to happen to the person I am today, I would take him to the cleaners and not look back."
10."We kept in contact after we broke up and knew each other much longer than he ever knew the other woman. He cheated on me while we dated, and I didn’t find out until much later. He was honestly super childish back then. I asked him to tell me what had happened, and we went without contact for three months before we got back together. I was wary at first and set a lot of ground rules and expectations. We both started going to church together, worked on our communication, and were able to work through it. We’re now married and have a baby. I think about the cheating almost every day, and I know my now-husband regrets it. I forgave him, though, and know he loves his family. We addressed the root cause of the issue and his self-esteem, too, in order to get through it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, but I know my husband loves me."
11."My boyfriend of one and a half years met a girl and basically told me about how conflicted he was (which really fucked me up). We broke up and didn’t speak for about six months. I moved states and was finally starting to settle, but was always worried I wouldn’t ever find another connection like the one with him. Eventually, he reached out, and it took me a few months to give him the time of day to apologize. We ended up getting back together, so I’ll keep you updated."
12."I felt that it was out of character for him, and he was a good man in general who was worth fighting for. I wanted to give him a second chance, and I'm glad I did. Over a decade since, and we have been stronger than ever."
13."The first time I stayed because he told me about it rather than me finding out some other way. I thought that meant he wasn’t going to do it again after realizing what he’d done, and was willing to work on our relationship. I was wrong. The times after that, I stayed because leaving was very dangerous."
14.And, "I took him back after eight months because he was my first and only, and we were still seeing each other occasionally (although he did his own thing and I did mine). After we got back together shortly after, I accidentally got pregnant and kept her as I thought previously I couldn't have children. At the beginning I would constantly go through his phone but would never find anything until I eventually started trusting him again. Three years later he still hasn't cheated, but honestly, I feel I'm not as in love with him as I was before. I understand he's changed, but that kind of love really does go away after they cheat because you realize you would never do that to someone you love. I'm still here hoping eventually my feelings will come back, but if not, I have an exit plan when I'm finished with school in a couple of years."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
