5 Self-Care Tips for Anyone With Virgo Traits
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Let’s clear the air: Yes, we’re a bunch of science-minded health and wellness journalists, and no, astrology isn’t backed by the type of hard evidence we typically rely on here at SELF. But who’s to say a bit of woo is incompatible with psychology? Whether you see it as a guiding light or just a fun way to reflect, becoming more aware of your traits and patterns can help you better understand yourself and navigate life’s challenges with more self-compassion and insight.
I’ve always been a bit of a textbook Virgo. Overthinking every little detail? Check. Ridiculously high standards for myself (and okay, sometimes others)? Double check. And don’t even get me started on my ability to critique myself into oblivion—it’s practically an Olympic sport. And as a Virgo who happens to write a lot about mental health, I gotta admit: The Venn diagram of classic Virgo traits and “reasons I need mental health tips” is…nearly a perfect circle.
To be clear, the maiden of the zodiac doesn’t have a monopoly on characteristics like overthinking, perfectionism, and self-criticism—you might have these very human traits regardless of whether you were born between August 23 and September 22 (or you think astrology is BS). And if that’s the case, Virgo or not, you could probably use some advice on handling the baggage that comes along with these tendencies.
So we asked a therapist who incorporates astrology into her practice for the best ways to tend to your mental health if you relate to Virgo’s whole vibe. Here are a few MVPs to add to your self-care toolbox.
1. Embrace the journal.
Why should Virgo types consider regularly writing it out? It’s simple: They’re notorious for their rumination, Freddi Marsillo, LMHC, a therapist based in New York City, tells SELF. A journal can serve as a crucial outlet for all those anxious and judgy thoughts that would otherwise swirl endlessly in your mind. Not to mention it’s a safe space for working out your thoughts and feelings without filtering or editing—a much-needed exercise for perfectionists, who are often afraid to put anything down unless it’s just right. In the privacy of your little notebook, there’s no need for your sky-high standards. Instead, let your messy, stream-of-consciousness ideas rip without the pressure of getting them right the first time.
Marsillo also recommends using a journal for practicing self-kindness (by challenging the mean voice in your head, for example), which can be especially important for people who are hard on themselves (cough, us). If the idea of self-compassion feels uncomfortable or even hokey, take that as a cue to explore why—maybe in the pages of your journal.
2. Play with your inner child.
Marsillo says perfectionism often prevents people with Virgo traits from trying new things since we fear making mistakes or performing less than flawlessly. That’s why she suggests fostering a sense of playfulness to take the pressure off. “Allow yourself to be a beginner through a hobby or a form of creative expression,” she says. This approach, she explains, can not only help you soften the edges of a rigid mindset but also keep you flexible—despite Virgo’s perfectionist tendencies, the sign is also known for being adaptable to change.
Not sure where to start? Try reconnecting with activities you loved as a child—perhaps grabbing an adult coloring book, making crafts, or playing make-believe via a video game or Dungeons & Dragons campaign with your pals. The key is to engage in something that’s more about the process than the outcome—where the messiness and experimentation are part of the fun. Because yeah, you could probably use some of that.
3. Ground yourself in your body with deep breathing.
Whether you’re overanalyzing, ruminating, judging, or worrying, spending a lot of time in your head can get exhausting and unproductive fast. If your mind is constantly at work, Marsillo says focusing on calming your physical body, instead of wrangling your anxious thoughts, can be a game changer. Next time you feel your worries spiraling—likely a common occurrence, no offense—whip out some good old-fashioned deep breathing. Marsillo recommends placing one hand over your heart and the other over your stomach and feeling each rise and fall of your breath.
If your practical mind is a little skeptical—no judgment, it’d be on-brand—here’s the science: “The breath is the lead horse of the nervous system,” Marsillo explains, noting that we breathe quickly when we’re anxious, which makes it physiologically difficult for our bodies to relax. By consciously slowing down your inhales and exhales, you’ll activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for calming you down. Once your body is chilled out, she says, you’ll be more likely to tap into another Virgo-esque strength: your logical mind (not your frazzled one).
4. Sit with your feelings before intellectualizing them.
According to Marsillo, literal and spiritual Virgos “tend to intellectualize their feelings, running them through a mental filter rather than fully feeling.” Sometimes, she notes, it’s a way of managing anxiety—who amongst us hasn’t talked ourselves down from feelings that felt too big to face head-on? But while this practical, problem-solving mindset is a strength in many situations, it can also prevent you from fully experiencing and processing your emotions, Marsillo says.
Try this the next time an uncomfortable emotion arises: Instead of immediately trying to figure out why you’re feeling something or what to do about it, Marsillo recommends pausing to, yep, feel your feelings. This might involve naming what you’re experiencing (Is it anger? Confusion? Loneliness?) and observing where it shows up in your body. She prompts: “Is it in your gut? Your limbs? Your chest? What sensations do you notice?”
Over time, she notes naming and feeling your feelings can help you develop a healthier relationship with your emotions and stave off potential spirals. This practice is essentially emotional regulation 101, which isn’t always a class we ace when we’re busy skipping straight to analysis.
5. Be curious, instead of ＿＿.
Fill in the blank however you want, because let’s be real: There are a few Virgo-like behaviors that call for curiosity instead of…er, some of our more natural instincts. That’s not to say we can’t be inquisitive—but our practicality, attention to detail, and critical thinking skills can sometimes translate into judging, nitpicking, and assuming we know what’s right or best. Not to mention, our service-oriented mindset can make us eager to fix things, whether that looks like jumping straight into problem-solving mode or offering “helpful” advice no one asked for.
Instead of immediately trying to resolve all the issues, give all the feedback, or win all the arguments, Marsillo suggests gathering info. “Curiosity is a superpower,” Marsillo says. “When you approach relationships from a place of wanting to understand where the other person is coming from, it can help to manage expectations and potential criticism.” To that end, she recommends asking questions like, “Can you help me understand how you’re feeling?” or “How can I support you right now?” or “‘What do you think we could do differently next time?”
Again, I’m sure plenty of people who weren’t born in Virgo season can relate to—and benefit from—the advice above. And whether you have the stars to thank for your perfectionistic, rigid tendencies or not, a bit of self-compassion, grounding, and play never hurt anyone.
Related:
A Guide to Doing Nothing for People Who Are Really Bad at It
3 Things to Do When You Overthink Everything and Can’t Make Decisions
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Originally Appeared on SELF
