8 Things We Learned From 'American Horror Story: Roanoke' Episode 7
Yikes. After the slow-build twists of last week's American Horror Story game-changer, 'Chapter 7' was an all-out bloodbath from beginning to end, as the Return to Roanoke set spiraled rapidly into chaos.
Here are the eight key things we learned this week.
1) Kathy Bates is a goddamn force of nature.
Agnes's grip on reality is fading pretty fast, which is bad news for everyone around her but great news for fans of Kathy Bates. After several weeks of playing a relatively one-note villain in the Butcher, Bates is clearly revelling in the nuances of a pitiable character like Agnes. She gives a total tour de force throughout the episode as Agnes rants and raves directly to the camera, slipping deliberately in and out of her natural accent.
We learn from one of these monologues that the Butcher was apparently a fan favorite among My Roanoke Nightmare viewers-Agnes was originally only slated for three episodes, but was bumped up to five thanks to the buzz. If only she'd held it together, she could definitely have been starring in her own spinoff by now.
2) These people do not stop filming for anything.
When Sidney sees his production assistant lying on the ground with an axe in her neck, his first reaction is "Get the camera!" Now, in isolation we might just chalk that up to Sid being the worst, but there were so many similar moments from everyone. Throughout their increasingly horrific Roanoke ordeal, Audrey, Dominic, Lee et al. are ridiculously preoccupied with capturing everything on camera-the moment that really takes this to its absurd extreme is when Shelby is literally about to be axe-murdered by Agnes, but decides to film her final moments rather than using her hands to, y'know, fight back. Yes, this is a convention of the found footage genre, but this was so clunky it bordered on parody.
3) These people also love to state the obvious.
Favorite moment of this batshit crazy episode-Audrey, coming across a prone Sid with his intestines literally hanging out of his body, asking: "Is he dead?" And then, when Lee calls her on this ridiculous question, she answers, "I'M NOT AMERICAN! I'M NOT USED TO ALL THIS CARNAGE!" (Pretty sure England actually invented disemboweling but whatever, girl.)
Second favorite moment of this batshit crazy episode-Monet, swigging from her hip flask, looking up at the word "MURDER" spelled out in blood on the wall, and proclaiming "Yup! Something don't feel right about this!" (Ya think?)
4) Once you've gone Gaga, you never go back.
Matt hasn't been the same since they left Roanoke, and though he doesn't specify exactly why, we all know. "Our marriage was over the day we moved into this house," he tells Shelby. "This place took something from me." He hasn't felt human since that day in the woods, he says, and when Gaga returns he's powerless to resist her. (Yes, we know she's no longer played by Gaga and technically has a character name, but let's not pretend we're calling her anything else at this point.)
5) Shelby has flipped.
When we said last week that Shelby's probably still a little bitter about the whole Matt and Lady Gaga thing, we did not quite predict how much. After Dominic sees Matt wondering off to his Gaga liaison, he wakes Shelby up to show her, because Dominic's only goal here is to stir up drama. And stir up drama he sure does.
Shelby breaks up the tryst, Matt yells at her, and it's revealed that although Shelby came back for Matt, he came back for Gaga. Ouch. And then Shelby beats Matt to death with a crowbar.
…So that happened. She's horrified when she realises what she's done, and Dominic tells her to turn herself in-but jail is probably the least of her worries right now, let's be honest.
6) The Polks aren't total savages.
Sure, they're vicious cannibals who habitually perform human sacrifices and force their children to suckle the odd dead pig. But they do care about the consistency of their meat-everybody knows you have to tenderize human flesh before you cook it, right? Right?
In all seriousness, that scene where they're gleefully prepping Lee's leg is maybe the most disturbing of the season so far. That cut-away could not come fast enough.
7) Agnes finally met the real Butcher.
And unfortunately, the Butcher does not consider imitation to be the most sincere form of flattery. Nor does she consider "wanting to be on TV" a legitimate life goal. It was only a matter of time before all Agnes's "This land is mine!" method acting started to get her the wrong kind of attention, but in some ways, getting an axe in the head from her idol is a perfect ending for poor Agnes.
8) And then there were four.
As of the end of this episode, four of our Return to Roanoke players are still definitively alive-Shelby, Audrey, Monet (who played Lee) and Dominic (who played Matt). The real Lee may or may not still be alive, but since her leg was being force-fed to Money and Audrey at the end of this episode, she's probably better off dead. If she's alive, she's likely in a similar state to Mason when he begged Matt to kill him that one time. So…who makes it out alive?
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