On Wednesday, the Canadian influencer shared a candid photo of herself in a pink, yellow and blue floral dress, flipping her dark, wavy locks. She paired the snap with a powerful and transparent message about annually battling the effects of depression during this time of year.
"As the weather changes and the sun sets sooner I am reminded of last years depression," she penned to her more than 90,000 Instagram followers. "It snuck up on me, hit me like a brick wall and just as fast as it was here, it was gone and I was different."
The Halifax-based body positive advocate then revealed that she had "never experienced seasonal depression before," but that it was far from what she thought it would be.
"I believed depression was something I'd see coming, something I knew I was struggling with but it wasn't," she shared. "Depression left me in its dust picking up pieces it had strategically misplaced asking, 'What the f— just happened?'"
Mccarvell explained that despite not feeling depressed during some of the lowest points of her life, it struck her "when I felt like my life was finally getting good."
"I know now, it’s because depression doesn’t care. Depression is a taker, it takes your joy, it takes your drive and it changes you," she wrote, before recalling that when she felt "ready to admit" she needed help, she felt too "scared to ask because a voice in my head would say, 'What do you truly have to be sad about?' Yet that same voice was the one saying, 'You don’t deserve this life.'"
The TikTok star shared that over the last two years, she has been working hard to find the best coping mechanisms for her, but admitted that she is "still scared" that it won't be enough.
"One thing I do know is that I'm not willing to suffer alone again. I want this to be a safe space for me to share and most importantly I want this to be a safe space for you to share," she said. "So, for now, I keep moving, implementing what I’ve learned and hoping that it spares me. Please know you are not alone."
Mccarvell's post was met with a supportive response from fans who praised her for her honesty, and thanked her for opening up about an important issue that affects so many people.
"Extremely powerful words. Thank you for always bringing light to matters like this. I've been on a roller coaster ride of depressive states in the last year. The season changing doesn't help. I'm hoping for peaceful moments at the very least," one fan commented.
Another wrote, "This is very well written. Sums up the experience so well."
"Thank you for sharing. No one should be struggling in silence," one person chimed in.
"Thank you for sharing. It's so important to open up the conversation about mental health. Remember you are not alone either," added another.
"This post is everything! Thank you for sharing the feelings of so many of us, perfectly. I feel you on so many levels and I'm proud of you for continuing to push forward," a fan shared.
"Sometimes, my body is a ship. Valiant and strong. It pierces through rough waters, so confident it can do no wrong. Other days, it's like the ocean. Unpredictable and deep. And just when I think I'm safe, it washes away with one quick sweep," she eloquently wrote alongside a series of photos of herself at the beach, wearing a high-waisted black bikini with thin silver bracelets.
"Somedays, it's like a flower. Delicate and undone. Absorbing all life has to offer. Head held high toward the sun," the 32-year-old continued. "Certain days it's just a body. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm content with who I am. Not worried about progress. My body is a shapeshifter. Resilient and ever-changing. The hardest part is finding peace, in all the re-arranging."