How To Have The Best Therapy Session, Every Time
Whether you look forward to therapy or not, you’re paying for it in time and money (or your insurance is). And, hopefully, you’re there because you’re actually trying to work through something. So rather than wing each session, check off these tips to make every minute more productive.
Before Your Session
“Just like you can’t expect to go from running a mile to hopping in bed and falling asleep, you need a transition to prime your mind for a state of self-reflection,” says Greg Lamont, clinical director at Juniper Mountain Counseling in Bend, Oregon.
What’s your favorite way to quickly decompress? Maybe that’s breathwork or listening to your favorite band on the ride over, or a few living-room vinyasas if you’re logging in from a screen. You might even try drawing or journaling, adds Tory Eletto, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Larchmont, New York, to help unpack how you’re feeling in the moment.
Whatever you choose, Eletto says to set aside 10 to 20 minutes for undistracted (read: phone-free!) time to check in with yourself and have an idea of what you want to talk about. You don’t waste precious time getting there with your therapist.
If you want to get super-specific, try rating yourself on a zero-to-10 scale of how you’ve been doing this past week in key areas: your individual thoughts, your close personal relationships (partners, family), social relationships (friends), and overall functioning in the world (work, chores, finances, etc.), suggests Lamont.
And if you’re calling in from home, set up shop in a room alone, temporarily turn off work notifications, and grab a notebook to write things down—without a commute, Lamont says it might take more proactiveness on your end to be ready to open up, listen, and absorb.
During Your Session
Sounds duh, but it’s worth saying: Do whatever you can to stay present. Even with an awesome therapist, notes Eletto, your mind might sometimes float from the conversation, which could be because you’re stressed or tired or subconsciously disassociating to avoid digging into something painful. (Yep, our brains are brilliantly wired to find ways to make us feel safe.) Or you may hit an uncomfortable silence or dialogue that makes you want to bail early. Stay in it.
“You can learn a lot about yourself in moments of discomfort,” says Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist in Charlotte, North Carolina, and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. “Tune in to how you feel in your body”—a good mindfulness practice—“and notice if you have felt that way in other spaces.”
Are your shoulders attached to your ears? Are you giving yourself a new wrinkle? Is your heart racing? Recall when you’ve felt this way before and recognize that you are in a safe place now, where you can spend time processing with someone you trust, says Tawwab. Tell your therapist what’s happening, assuming they don’t call it out themselves.
“If you can understand how feelings can feel similar but be different—and informative—it can help you show up more fully through discomfort and get more out of your time together.” And by all means, write down what comes up.
After Your Session
Immediately post-sesh, jot down any insights that came out of the conversation and how you’re feeling. (Feel free to steal Lamont’s grading system here too.)
Doing so serves two big conditions for growth: First, the simple act of recording what you uncovered helps it feel more real and gives you something to go back to in moments of confusion, says Lynn Bufka, PhD, a licensed psychologist and head of practice for the American Psychological Association. Second, according to Lamont, whether you’re feeling wrecked or enlightened, keeping track of feelings can help you see easy-to-miss progress over time (as you add and add and add to your notes).
If journaling isn’t your thing, Bufka recommends leaving yourself voice-written memos in your Notes app, where you can ramble in real time.
Also, if you can make time for it, create a mini commute for yourself if you don’t actually have one. Some data shows that the travel time can help you absorb the session, making it more valuable, says Bufka.
“Go for a brief walk outside, or even just to the bathroom to splash some water on your face, before switching over to your other role,” suggests Eletto. “A simple change in environment plus moving your body can help you reintegrate into the world a bit more wholly.”
Next Article: 7 Habits That Help Your Mental Health
Photography by Lauren Coleman. Prop Styling by Jenna Tedesco.
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