We bought a village with my parents so we could have on-site babysitters
A couple who sold their £400k Manchester home and bought an entire village in France say they have no regrets, four years on. Liz Murphy, 47, and her husband David, 56, took the plunge back in 2020 and joined forces with Liz’s mum Helen Diaper and her stepdad Terry, both 73, to create a multi-generation home in the beautiful French countryside.
Together, they were able to buy six 400-year-old houses, two barns and three acres of land and one of the huge benefits of having Liz’s parents living just one minute away is that they’ve been able to help with looking after the couple’s two children – Tom, now 14 and Charlotte, 10.
"Having them so close by for the kids has been really great,” says Liz. “It’s great to have on-site babysitters."
"They are so integral to our lives," she continues. "It’s lovely to just cross over the driveway to see them. They are so much more involved in the kids’ lives. We see them every day. It’s really nice to see the special bond they have with their grandchildren."
As well as the benefits of free on-site childcare, for Liz and husband David in France, their set-up has allowed them to create their dream lifestyle, by sharing the financial investment with her parents.
They have turned their rural hamlet of Lac De Maison, in Poitou-Charentes, south west France into a thriving business, by converting three of the buildings into holiday homes, sleeping 19 people in total.
Before their big move to France, the couple used to work in radio, but felt trapped in the "rat race", working busy nine-to-five jobs. After being put on furlough in 2020, the couple followed their dream of leaving behind their lives in Manchester and buying a place in France. They were delighted when Liz’s parents agreed to join them.
"In France, we’re mortgage-free, so although we’re making less money than we did in the UK, it’s massively outweighed by our quality of life," says Liz. "My mum and stepdad decided to sell their house in Nottingham and come with us. Covid made us reassess, and David and I said if they’d like to come with us, we’d really like that. They both said, 'Why not have one last adventure, let’s do it?'"
Four years on, they couldn’t be happier, working for themselves and feeling "in control of their own destiny."
France now feels "like home" and their children have thrived in French schools. "They’re both fluent in French and I think my daughter especially feels more French than English," says Liz.
"We loved the UK," she adds, "but we don’t regret moving here and don’t have any plans to move back."
The rise in multi-generation living
Three-generation living – similar to Liz’s set-up but where three generations of the same family live in the same house – has become more popular in recent years. The most recent figures from the Office for National Statistics show that multi-family households accounted for 1.4% of all households in 2021, an increase from 1.2% back in 2011. This is partly in response to the rising cost of living and increasing childcare costs.
"Intergenerational living arrangements are common in many cultures," says psychotherapist Susie Masterson. "During lockdown, this started to become more prevalent in the UK, and has continued for many people due to the rising cost of living."
As well as being driven by the convenience of having childcare on tap, it can happen for other reasons too. "With young people finding it harder to move out of the parental home and older (adult) children returning to care for their parents, there is increasing diversity in the way we live," adds Masterson.
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's three-gen set-up
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen divided his house in Cirencester into three separate homes: one for him and his wife Jackie, and two more for each of his daughters Cecile and Hermione and their partners Dan and Drew, plus their four grandchildren.
Laurence has pointed out in the past how their domestic set-up could be a brilliant solution to the UK’s childcare problem, as at the time his wife Jackie was providing full-time childcare to the grandchildren, to allow their own parents to work easily.
"The crazy thing is this is exactly how families were 200 years ago," Llewelyn-Bowen said back in 2022. "You used the older generation as a social support network for the younger generation to be able to do their thing."
Challenges to consider
While Liz and her husband have had no issues with their close-knit family set-up, psychotherapist Tina Chummun, the founder of Care2Counsel, explains there are some challenges with this kind of arrangement.
"While proximity can be a blessing, it may also blur boundaries between the parents and grandparents, leading to enmeshment – where individual autonomy of the parents is compromised due to over-involvement of the grandparents," she says. "Parents may feel pressured to conform to their own parents’ expectations regarding child-rearing, leading to conflict or feelings of guilt."
Before taking the plunge and buying a property with or next-door to your parents or in-laws, it’s crucial of course to think carefully about how strong and respectful your existing relationship is with them. Chummun advises, "Ask yourself: Are boundaries well established? Can both parties communicate openly about expectations and space?"
You also need to think about the impact on your own partnership as a couple. "Even as adults, we often fall into childhood patterns of relating with and responding to our parents," says Masterson. "This can result in us being less present in our romantic relationships."
"Prolonged external involvement can sometimes shift dynamics," agrees Chummun. "This can leave one partner feeling overwhelmed or unheard. A good rule of thumb is to ensure that support enhances, rather than replaces, a couple’s autonomy in decision-making."
Clear communication and boundary-setting are crucial, she says. "Couples should discuss practical aspects before moving in, such as childcare expectations, privacy needs and how to navigate disagreements," continues Chummun. "Having a structured approach – such as designated childcare days rather than an open-ended arrangement – can help maintain equilibrium."
She also warns don’t expect parents to "just understand boundaries". Have direct conversations, rather than relying on passive communication.
Additional reporting: SWNS
Read more about grandparents and childcare:
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen shares benefits of three-generation household living: 'It works!' (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)
‘We built Mum an £80k home in our back garden – now we get free childcare’ (The Telegraph, 8-min read)
'We take a day off from our baby every week. It makes us better parents' (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
