These Are The Health And Wellness Benefits Of Being Alone
A candle flickers on the coffee table, sending a wisp of smoke into an empty, white-washed room. Foreign noises creak outside. I stare at the blank walls and the pictures scattered on the floor that are waiting to be hung.
It’s been just three days since I was handed the keys to my flat; living alone is unfamiliar territory. I picture the year I had mapped out – the marriage proposal, the engagement party, the joint house purchase – now all out of sight, the sound of the words ‘I don’t love you anymore’ still ringing. I was by myself for the first time in nearly a decade, and it terrified me.
That’s not surprising – solitude has a bad reputation. It can feel shameful (the ‘loner’ makes an easy target at school) or unsafe (the legitimate fears of a woman walking home alone). In fiction – from fairytales to film – the foibles of the lonely, unlucky-in-love protagonist reinforce the idea that being alone isn’t good. There are even stats to back it up: in the pandemic, one study equated the negative health impact of loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
For me, it took buying my own flat to realise that I needed to relearn how to be on my own. And I’m not the only one. Solitude is undergoing a rebrand, with growing research from 2023 pointing to the positive mental- and physical-health benefits of solitude.
FIND OUT MORE ON ELLE COLLECTIVE
The truth is, we all need solo time. ‘Being alone with your thoughts is part of the brain’s “maintenance mode”,’ explains psychologist Dr Sula Windgassen. ‘This is where your default mode network (a system of brain areas that processes thoughts, memories and emotions) is activated and helps your brain automatically emotionally regulate.’ This process, she says, can interrupt the negative effects of chronic stress and even improve sleep quality, the immune system and gut health. Recent research is also connecting the dots, with one study by the University of Reading finding that solitude can help reduce cortisol, provided the time alone was motivated by personal choice. Enforced solitude, such as the shelter-in-place orders during the pandemic, for example, is proven to have negative health consequences.
For Francesca Specter, a journalist and the author of Alonement, a book about finding joy in spending time on your own, one positive aspect of solitude is that it can, ironically, help improve existing connections. As well as sparking creativity and instilling a sense of self-trust, she credits solo time with strengthening her surrounding relationships. ‘I’ve lived alone for seven years and been single for four, and through that time I’ve nurtured a side of me I didn’t nurture before,’ she tells me. ‘I do think that what I’ve learnt and the tools I’ve gained will enhance a future relationship and my current friendships, as I can now gauge when people need space. I respect their solitude and, through my own, I don’t impose my needs onto others.’
The wellbeing benefits don’t stop there. Dr Thuy-vy Nguyen, a psychologist, principal investigator of the Solitude Lab and co-author of Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone, says that it affords us a sense of freedom. ‘Our new research at the Solitude Lab has shown that being alone provides relief from external demands, giving us autonomy and space to process emotions and reflect on experiences,’ she explains. ‘In several studies, we found that after just 15 minutes of solitude, participants experienced reduced anxiety, frustration and tension. We refer to this as the “deactivation effect”; it supports the idea that solitude allows us the space to temporarily disconnect and regain emotional balance.’
The trick, however, is learning how to practice solitude meaningfully and intentionally. As Dr Rangan Chatterjee, a physician and host of the podcast Feel Better, Live More, puts it: ‘Solitude isn’t about being lonely. It is the positive, intentional practice of being by yourself.’ And it is a practice. The immediate discomfort I felt at the prospect of spending a Saturday night alone after my eight-year relationship came to an end initially made me panic. ‘Being fearful of solitude or only being alone when burned out creates a negative association in the brain,’ warns Dr Windgassen.
But how do you actually reap the benefits of intentional solitude? If this idea fills you with dread, Dr Windgassen recommends starting off with ‘solitary doing’ tasks, such as cleaning and life admin, before building up to alone time where you are able to ‘be’ rather than ‘do’, such as meditation. ‘Intentionally using time alone to reflect can help the brain consolidate information about yourself when you might not have done so before,’ adds Dr Windgassen. Specter makes an important distinction: ‘The fear isn’t being alone – it’s the fear of being alone with your own thoughts. You need to make your mind feel like a safe space,’ she says, advocating the power of journaling, meditation and mindfulness to help train your brain to perceive solitude through a new lens.
But it’s a balancing act. ‘Everyone’s propensity for solitude is different, regard- less of whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, so checking in with what your balance is like is important,’ says Dr Windgassen. Just like draining your social battery with a never-ending list of plans is detrimental, it is important not to isolate. ‘It’s not about total disconnection, but rather creating intentional space to restore your mental energy,’ agrees Dr Nguyen.
Trying DIY projects, such as painting my kitchen, hanging pictures and now embarking on a renovation, were the ‘solitary doing’ tasks that made spending time alone less daunting. Months later, I look forward to languorous nights alone in my now-cosy flat. I use my alone time to take stock of my own needs and how I’m feeling; to recalibrate and rest. So if there’s one positive to take away from this turbulent year, it was learning that there is strength to be found in my solitude.
ELLE Collective is a new community of fashion, beauty and culture lovers. For access to exclusive content, events, inspiring advice from our Editors and industry experts, as well the opportunity to meet designers, thought-leaders and stylists, become a member today HERE
You Might Also Like
