Bride's Family Pushing Her to Replace Best Friend as Maid of Honor Because She's 'Painfully Bad' at Giving Speeches
"My family keeps insisting I’m being selfish by prioritizing Jenna’s feelings over 'the quality of the event,' " the bride wrote on Reddit
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Woman giving speech at a wedding (stock image)A bride is standing up to her family as they push her to replace her best friend as maid of honor because she's "terrible at public speaking."
The 24-year-old bride detailed her dilemma in a recent post on Reddit, explaining that she and her best friend Jenna, 25, have been "inseparable" since high school and that "there was never a doubt" in her mind that she would be her maid of honor at her upcoming wedding.
However, she admitted that Jenna is "painfully bad" at giving speeches. "She gets nervous, stumbles over her words and sometimes just completely freezes. Even in casual settings, if she has to address more than a handful of people, she panics," the bride shared.
Related: Bride's Sister Leaves Wedding in Tears After Maid-of-Honor Humiliated Her During Speech
Nonetheless, the bride is set on having Jenna by her side as her maid of honor — but her family thinks she is making a big mistake.
"A few weeks ago, my sister pulled me aside and asked if I’d consider replacing Jenna with someone 'more confident.' She said that the maid of honor speech is one of the biggest moments of the wedding and that having Jenna fumble through it would be 'awkward for everyone,' " she wrote. "She even suggested that she should take over the role instead, saying, 'You know I’d absolutely crush the speech.' "
The bride said she "shut that [suggestion] down immediately," telling her sister that Jenna means more to [her] than a perfect speech ever could."
Unfortunately for the bride, that wasn't the end of the discussion. Now, her parents are weighing in and taking her sister's side. "[They're] saying, 'It’s not personal, it’s just about making the wedding as smooth as possible,' " she wrote.
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Guests clinking glasses at a wedding (stock image)The bride said that Jenna is unaware of these conversations about her role and she doesn't want to bring it up with her for fear it would "crush" her. Her fiancé has suggested she find "a way to gently let [Jenna] off the hook for the speech, just to avoid the secondhand embarrassment."
But the bride is standing her ground. "I refuse to do that," she insisted. "She’s my best friend. She deserves this role. I don’t care if she stutters through every word — I’d rather have a heartfelt, messy speech from someone I love than a perfectly delivered one from someone I don’t feel as close to."
Her family won't drop the issue, though. "My family keeps insisting I’m being selfish by prioritizing Jenna’s feelings over 'the quality of the event,' " the bride concluded her post, asking fellow Redditors, "AITA [am I the a------] for refusing to replace her or ask her to skip the speech?"
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In the comments section, the majority of people agreed that the bride ultimately gets to make the decisions for her own wedding and should not feel pushed to cut her friend as maid of honor.
"Your wedding, your rules. Stand your ground!" one commenter urged the bride.
Another Redditor wrote: "You do what you want on your day. Don’t let your family bully you into being a bad friend. Don’t let people make you be anything other than the solid friend you seem to be."
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Woman giving a speech at a wedding (stock image)Quite a few wondered if the bride could "make her own rules" for her wedding and forgo the traditional maid of honor speech for the sake of Jenna's comfort. They suggested she have a conversation with her best friend about the situation.
"What's important here is how Jenna feels about making that speech. If she genuinely panics when speaking in public, she may be feeling extremely anxious and is too afraid to tell you in fear of disappointing you on your big day," one person wrote. "This is definitely a conversation you need to have with Jenna. She needs to make the decision whether to give a speech or not depending on how she is feeling, not anyone else."
A few Redditors offered some ideas should Jenna decline to do the speech.
"If she doesn't feel capable of speaking in front of a crowd, then it's absolutely fine for someone else to speak on her behalf. She can even write [the speech] herself and have someone else speak, if that's what she wants," one person said.
Another wrote, "Give Jenna the option to give a pre-recorded speech, with the excuse it has footage of you guys mixed in."
Someone else pointed out that if Jenna does work up the courage to give a speech in honor of the newlyweds, the moment will be that much more meaningful for the bride. "Imagine how much more special Jenna's speech will be knowing that she struggles with public speaking and still managed to do it for you," they noted.
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