This Is A Brilliant And Actually Helpful Text To Send To A New Parent
Becoming a parent is one of the most profound transitions a person can go through in a lifetime. It isn’t always obvious how to support a new parent during this time — we all have different needs and preferences, after all. And it can be even trickier to figure this out if you haven’t been through the postpartum experience yourself.
Cameron Rogers, a content creator and mother of two, said her online followers ― particularly those who do not have kids ― often ask about the best gift you can give a new parent. Sending food is her go-to, she explained in a viral Instagram Reel posted in July.
But her No. 2 suggestion is great for those who live close to the person who just had a baby, and it’s something Rogers said she never thought to do until she had kids herself: Send a text offering your services to the new parents for a specific date and time. And be sure to list a few different ways you’re willing to help.
Here’s an example of a text she sent to a friend who was one month postpartum:
Good morning love! I am yours from the hours of 12 to 3 tomorrow so please let me know how you would like to use me. Here are some options:
1. I come while you hang with the baby and I do laundry, bottles, cooking, buy and put away groceries.
2. I come and take care of the baby while you sleep in your room alone or you go do something by yourself or you guys go out to lunch the two of you without the baby.
3. I come and take you out to lunch with or without the baby.
4. And we sit on the couch and just chat or watch a funny movie with the baby.
You can decide whenever you want, just let me know!
The key here is that there are multiple options to choose from, each laid out clearly so the new parent only has to respond with a single number: 1, 2, 3 or 4. Rogers likes to include tasks that someone might be uncomfortable asking of a friend, like doing laundry or washing bottles.
“Everyone’s like, ‘Oh, let me know what you want. Let me know how I can help.’ You’re so far deep in this world of postpartum ‘whatever’ that you don’t even know how to ask someone for something,” she said in her Reel. “Also, there aren’t many people, other than my sisters, that I would ask to be like, ‘Can you just come over and clean?’”
If your friend has another kid, Rogers suggests in the video, you might also offer an option like coming over to hang with the toddler or taking the toddler out of the house while your friend is with the baby. Or you can offer to take care of the baby so your friend gets some one-on-one time with their other child.
This approach is generally going to be more useful to a parent than an open-ended offer like “Let me know how I can help!”
As postpartum educator Amy Spofford commented on Instagram: “Be specific in your offers of help and you will exponentially increase the likelihood they’ll take you up on it and that they’ll really feel the impact and benefit of it. I’ve said, ‘Hey I’m making you dinner this week, Monday or Wednesday, soup or enchiladas?’ They’ll never answer if you say, ‘Let me know if you need anything.’”
Gayane Aramyan is a Los Angeles marriage and family therapist specializing in the postpartum period. She said she “absolutely loves” Rogers’ idea.
“Oftentimes, new moms have a really hard time asking for help, even from loved ones,” Aramyan told HuffPost. “It’s great for people around to offer options and ideas so the new mom can feel more comfortable that their loved one is there to actually help.”
She also suggests having a conversation with your friend before the baby’s arrival to discuss any boundaries they might want to set.
“Then check in with Mom about those boundaries and go at her pace,” Aramyan said.
For instance, some new parents may prefer not to have guests over in the early weeks or months after bringing home the baby. In that case, you might want to include an offer in your text message to drop off a home-cooked meal or stop by to straighten up while they’re out of the house. Or you can wait to send the text until they’ve invited you over and you know they’re ready to have people in their living space.
“Always remember to respect the new mom’s boundaries and to not push her,” Aramyan said. “It’s such a fragile time that sometimes just emotional support can be helpful in itself.”
And keep in mind that what feels supportive to one person may feel unhelpful to another.
“I would advise not to assume,” Aramyan said. “Make sure to ask the new mom and give some alternatives and options.”
