A Daughter’s Viral Obituary Inspires Others to Share How They Faced ‘Toxic’ Families and Got 'Revenge' Through Love
“I made a promise to myself that as a mother I would not be like mine”
Getty
A decade ago, one PEOPLE reader recently shared, their parents disowned them.
“This was my mother's choice. Nothing I did to try to reconcile the situation, especially with my dad, worked,” the reader, going by the name of KLMauiLover, wrote in a comment to a story about Christina Novak — whose sharply worded obituary for her estranged mother in Maine went viral.
Novak’s remembrance of her mom, Florence “Flo” Harrelson (“even in death, she wanted those she terrorized to still be living in fear looking over their shoulders,” Novak wrote) drew a range of reactions from readers around the country.
In many cases, commenters also shared their own experiences, describing difficult and painful family relationships and equally complicated emotions — like in the case of KLMauiLover.
"I just found out last week, by a friend, my mother died,” they wrote in their comment to the story about Novak’s viral obituary. “This hit me with extreme anger, something I didn't expect, because of the thoughts running through my head.”
“As much as my mom and I hated each other, I would've been there for her,” KLMauiLover went on to write. “I can't look at her obituary because I don't want to see what, or if, there's anything about me in it. But I never would've put something so disrespectful in my mom's obituary. There's no reason for the public to see that.”
Referring to Novak, KLMauiLover wrote: “She could've bought a sympathy card, wrote what she needed to say, and mailed it to the person of her choice. Or wrote it in a journal. Say a prayer. Use crystals.”
Novak, for her part, previously told PEOPLE in an interview about her mom: “Let’s be clear. It’s a PSA and it’s no joke. It was written with sarcasm and relief, but it’s real. It was done in four sentences because I refused to spend another dollar on that woman.”
While some commenters applauded her for her candor — "I'm on her side. Especially if it was slightly therapeutic for her. Family can be more toxic then trolls on the internet,” one wrote, adding, “Who are we to judge?” — others offered different views.
“We only have one perspective and until a person — even a child — walks a mile in another person’s shoes (even a mother’s shoes) they may not understand the behavior of their parent,” commenter AJ wrote. “Having said these things, I wish this woman peace in her life and I am in no way defending her mother’s behaviors.”
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Another commenter, Bertle Bee, wrote that they “had really loving parents. Our family did have some major problems with my Dad’s infidelities. We however forgave him and took care of him until he died . I can see this ladies issues with her mother. … My sisters and I are very close and have decided we don’t need people who don’t care about us!”
Commenter Stacy echoed that, writing, “My dad is one of seven children. One of them has managed to alienate every single person in our family. She is poison. Everything she touches or gets close to she destroys. She is a special of evil for what she has done to tear our family apart.”
"We may never know when she dies. I’ve always said that I would be in the front pew of the church at her funeral (if she even bothered to have one) wearing the most fabulous party dress with a glass of champagne and a smile on my face,” Stacy continued.
And for at least a few readers, Novak’s decision was inspiration, they said.
Christina Mills Novak
Christina Mills Novak“I am taking her idea here and using it,” commenter Mamailia wrote. “My father abused me as a young girl. I have forgiven him. I don't forgive that my mother was a slave to him, a damn good wife of 43 years and he just didn't give a damn about her.”
A reader named Rebecca commented not about Novak’s choice but about the catharsis among the comments.
“It fascinates and shocks me at the same time, how so many ‘of us’ are reacting to this article by fearlessly writing down their story - to free ourselves again and again from the abuse we endured,” Rebecca wrote.
Another reader named Robbie wrote that she had dealt with a similar situation as Novak did and found her own answer by looking to the future.
“My mother never was a loving one to us girls. We grew up with many issues and even as an adult still struggle. I will say this though, she had a beautiful funeral and obituary. I held a lot of animosity towards her for the things she had done and most of all I had much sorrow because all I ever wanted was for her to love me, to tell me she loved me,” Robbie wrote. “I made a promise to myself that as a mother I would not be like mine.”
“I showed my daughter love and I guided her in teaching her and not demanding without explanation like my mother had. To this day I will hug my adult daughter and always kiss her on the forehead and tell her I love her,” Robbie continued. “So my revenge was to be a better person and parent than mine was to me.”
For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!
Read the original article on People.
