Did Dear Abby dismiss this reader’s question of rape?
For 60 or so years, Dear Abby has been answering our questions about love, life and relationships. She’s been a trusted source, a “good friend.” But her most recent response to a question of rape has some second guessing her trusted judgement.
Founded in 1956 by Pauline Phillips who used the pen name Abigail Van Buren, her daughter Jeanne Phillips took over the job in 2002.
On Wednesday, a letter by “Uncertain in Illinois” was written by a grade 11 student, discussing a recent encounter she had with a male that she thought might be rape.
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“DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in high school. Last year, a guy I have known for two years began showing a sexual interest in me,” she writes. “I rejected his advances. Last week, he began expressing his interest again, letting me know he wanted to have sex. He invited me to study – only study – but said we ‘might’ make out.”
She then goes on to say how when they first met up, they started kissing, but that things quickly escalated from there.
“He took me to a semi-isolated area and we ended up having sex. It wasn’t fun or pleasurable. I told him he was hurting me, but he didn’t stop until the third time I said it. He was very upset with me. He only cared about me pleasuring him.”
While she mentions that she discussed the event with two of her close friends, she wanted Abby to weigh in as one had said she was raped and the other said she wasn’t.
Advice columnist Jeanne Phillips. (David Livingston/Getty Images)
In response, Dear Abby says, “It appears you and that boy had a severe breakdown in communication, which led to your being sexually assaulted.”
“He had made no secret that he wanted sex with you, and may have interpreted your willingness to kiss him after he took you somewhere other than what was agreed upon as a signal that you were willing, even though you didn’t say so.”
She then goes on to define “date rape” as non-consensual sex.
“Unless a girl explicitly expresses her willingness to proceed, it is the responsibility of the boy NOT to proceed.”
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She then suggests she tell her parents what happened, or speak to a school counselor.
“To me what happened illustrates how important it is for parents to talk to their sons and daughters about responsible behavior because failure to do that can have lifelong consequences for both.”
So while Abby does admit that she’s been sexually assaulted, she doesn’t seem to think it falls under the criteria of “date rape” despite the student saying it was non-consensual.
Many were quick to weigh in on the issue in the comments section.
“Personally, I think it sounds a lot like regular rape and I hope LW reports it, for her own sake and for the sake of the boy’s next ‘date,’” said one commenter.
What do you think of Dear Abby’s response? Let us know your thoughts by tweeting to @YahooStyleCA.
