I Don’t Need Rom-Coms Anymore—I’ve Got Celebrity Gossip
If movie studios won’t give me the high-budget, glitzy rom-coms I crave, at least celebrities will. For the past year my favorite modern love stories have played out not on the big screen but in the gossip pages. And this Valentine’s Day week, I’m bingeing all my favorites.
Sure, the celebrity love triangle is a cultural mainstay, and these sagas can often be just as engaging as something Hollywood churns out. Take Billy Crudup dumping pregnant Mary-Louise Parker for 20-something Claire Danes or Julia Roberts Runaway Bride–ing Kiefer Sutherland with his best friend.
But for some reason, our current crop of A-listers keep delivering us love stories that may as well have “fresh” Rotten Tomatoes ratings, whether it’s an unexpected pairing, a unique setting, or a ready-made soundtrack. Who needs Netflix when you’ve got Page Six?
Case in point: the Traylor phenomenon. The entire world is riveted by the tale of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, whose story sounds like it came straight from one of the pastel paperbacks BookTok loves so much. (In fact, Swift already inspired one, and Travis another.) The NFL’s MVH (most valuable himbo) shoots his shot with the biggest pop star alive and ends up being just what she needed after the end of her longest relationship (Joe Alwyn) and a disastrous rebound (Matty Healy).
I can so clearly picture the scene. Taylor asks her wise married couple friends—Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, naturally—the most important question: “How do you know when he’s the One?” The music swells. The film’s B-plot could even be helping Sophie Turner after she split from Taylor’s ex Joe Jonas.
Then there’s the ongoing Good Morning America drama, a more serious and thorny situation that is as riveting as it is scandalous.
For instance, if you loved Scandal or rooted for Meredith to steal Derek away from Addison on Grey’s Anatomy, you probably couldn’t look away from the saga of TJ Holmes and Amy Robach. The former coanchors started out as a story of “coworkers to lovers,” a trope any fan of rom-coms would recognize.
But for me, the moment the story turned from “good gossip” to “I need a movie of this right now” was when their exes got together. TJ and Amy’s coupling was merely the inciting incident for the romance I actually can’t get enough of: Andrew Shue and Marilee Fiebig. Sorry to The Morning Show, but this is so much better.
Moving right along, we have the truly cinematic tale of Ariana Madix getting her groove back post-Scandoval. She’s on Broadway, she has a new man, and she finally moved out of the house she shared with The Worm With a Mustache (a.k.a. her ex-boyfriend Tom Sandoval). And we are so ready for the post-makeover-montage era! What solo dream can she fulfill now? She’s on Broadway, which is sick, but I want more. Open a sandwich shop (already in progress, score!), bike across Greece, get your pilot’s license. It’s giving Eat, Pray, Love or Under the Tuscan Sun. The possibilities are endless.
At this point, shipping real people is so much more entertaining than anything the studios have to offer that, if push comes to shove, we’ll just make up a narrative. I’m talking to you, Meryl Streep and Martin Short. Why on earth aren’t you dating? Do you have any idea how badly America needs this? Honestly, it’s rude to deny the rumors, whether or not they’re true.
Meryl Streep, national treasure, acting icon, has separated from her longtime husband and the father of their four adult children, which is sad, but it happens. Streep deserves another chance at love (just like in It’s Complicated) and who better than the delightful Short, whose wife sadly passed from ovarian cancer in 2010?
Change the names and compress the timelines and you’ve got, like, three years of hits on your hands, Hollywood! Rip your storylines from the headlines. Law & Order’s been doing it for years, and the only thing we like more than true crime is love.
In the meantime, I’ll be on the couch with a box of chocolates and the juiciest chick flicks in a decade. They're called People magazine, TMZ, and a little publication called Glamour.
Originally Appeared on Glamour
