This Father Got Offended By What His Fiancée Said Right After Giving Birth, And The Internet Is Divided On Whether He's Right Or Not
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In a recent Reddit post shared to r/AITAH (am I the *sshole here), site user u/No-Fee-5823 asked, "AITAH for saying I didn’t realise I could 'love a person this much' in front of my fiancé after having our baby?"
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"I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter. As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes, I said, 'I didn’t realise I could love a person this much' and cried. She is perfect and beautiful," the original poster (OP) wrote.
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Her mother, who was with her at the time, said that that feeling never goes away — which (of course) made OP "ugly-cry." As she says, "It was a really special moment."
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At the time, the poster's fiancé — who was also there for the moment — simply smiled and said nothing, she said. But later, when the pair were on their own, he "Privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and my saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him."
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"I just gave him an 'are you f*cking serious' look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again," she added. "I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most 'normal people' would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offence to it due to the implication."
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Predictably, people had *thoughts* in the comments. "Ryan Reynolds agrees with you. Parental love is different than the love of a partner. NTA [not the *sshole]," u/Avium explained.
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"NTA. I’ve heard both mothers and fathers express a similar sentiment to what you said. The love for a child is unlike anything else," u/offbrandbarbie wrote.
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But Redditors like u/serenerepose think it might be a bit more nuanced. "Both of you can be right," they opined. "Your husband had a different experience [to you]... He's not bonding with the baby yet."
"What you're both feeling is valid. That said, he needs to try looking at this from your perspective and your experience for the last nine months. Maybe he needs to try talking to other dads or his dad about it and getting some outside perspective."
"I would like to add that not all mothers bond with their babies right away either and that's normal too. I didn't. It took a while to love my baby," the Redditor said."
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"For some new parents, it takes time to bond with their newborn. I've met people that say it took nearly a year... It's possible your partner won't understand the feeling you describe until he is bonded to your child, too. I think he will understand eventually... Just give it some time," u/Nice_Bullfrog_11 wrote.
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"I think that a parent's love isn't necessarily stronger than romantic love. And it doesn't need to be. They're different things, and that's fine, really... As I get older and am now beginning to plan life on my own, I can see that there is an entirely different world of love that only adults can share with each other," u/SmellingPaint shared.
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OP has since clarified a couple of points about the original post, updating to say that "He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together" and has since agreed he could have expressed himself better. She added the comments under her original post "helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better."
Shout out to r/AITAH and u/No-Fee-5823 for having this discussion.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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