Has Feeld Gone Too Mainstream?
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I open my Feeld app, check my Pings, and scan a guy’s profile. He looks handsome, but not, like, crazy handsome. Then I look at the profile linked to his, and wow—total smoke show. This woman (I’m not sure if she’s his girlfriend, play partner, or maybe his wife) is stunning. Out of his league, I think to myself, and start drafting them a message.
Feeld, which calls itself "a dating app for the curious," launched in 2014. Back then, it was a hookup and group sex site known as 3nder. I started using the app in 2018 (it was Feeld by then, renamed after a lawsuit from Tinder) and even though it had evolved a little since its inception, using it was still bizarre. The UX wasn’t great, it was buggy, and it felt like a dark corner of the internet gate-kept by people who were very serious about kink. I was excited—breathless, even—before that first date in the sweltering London summer heat. I had thought extensively about kink, but hadn't really explored it much. Flash forward to today and I’ve met some of my best friends on the app. In fact, most people I know have it on their phones—and it isn’t hidden in a secret folder.
Per the New York Times, the amount consumers spent on subscriptions and one-off purchases to Feeld grew by 107 percent between the first three quarters of 2022 and 2023. And in 2023, it nearly doubled its revenue, jumping from $21.9 million to $41.4 million (profits increased from $2.5 million to $5.7 million). Turns out, catering to the kinky is big business. But that growth has changed the community on Feeld significantly since I met my first match, causing a ripple effect across the kink community. There are a lot of people using the app now, many of whom don’t really know anything about the nuances of kink, how to be ethically non-monogamous, or how to navigate consent. And that’s a problem.
Feeld is pro-sex worker (great for those who are trying to date but can’t use other apps due to the stigma around their work) and pro-LGBTQ+ with a heavy focus on intersectional experiences; there are 18 sexual orientation options on the site—a refreshing departure from the straight, bi, or gay dropdown list that most apps offer. And it isn’t just for threesomes any more, either. I mean, you can find that pretty easily on Feeld, but you can also find friends to go to your first sex party with, someone with the same kink as you, a long-term partner who’s into your particular power dynamic, or just someone to sext about your sexual fantasies with for a bit.
Users extoll the virtues of being able to find a community, discover alternative lifestyles and relationship styles, make new friends, embrace their kinks, and feel less ashamed, especially if they don’t have access to the huge dating pool that exists in most metropolitan areas. It provides an intentional and necessary space for likeminded people who can just open the app instead of unicorn hunting on Bumble (because that sucks for queer women) or being pushy with kinky messages on Hinge. But now that Feeld is home to such a huge spectrum of users, has it, in turn, become a less safe and kinky version of what it used to be?
CEO of Feeld Ana Kirova told Cosmopolitan that this influx of new users could be a problem for the communities that use the app. However, she says, “in terms of scale, there’s so much potential for Feeld, but we have to make sure people are involved for the right reasons and they behave in a certain way. We’re not trying to grow at all costs.”
For some of the kink community, new members are enthusiastically welcomed. But others say Feeld’s recent popularity spike makes them feel like a spectacle. One user told Cosmopolitan that some men “see women on there as being ‘easy’ and too available for sex,” and that it has started to feel like “a platform for men to throw around the word ‘dom’ without understanding it.” Another female user agreed, describing Feeld as “oversaturated with people with no clue; asking overly intimate questions straight off the bat.”
And therein lies the problem. If you join a community but don’t follow the rules of that community, it ruins the vibe for everyone. You might see a guy on Hinge with a profile that says, "Looking for a wifey and a mom to my wiener dog," but his Feeld profile could read, "Looking for a submissive BDSM slut (no strings attached)." Arguably, both profiles could be authentic sides of this man, but there’s also the potential that he’s outsourcing some problematic sexual aggression, doesn’t know how to practice BDSM safely, has fallen victim to reductive ideas about women that play into the Madonna/whore complex, and has no intention of respecting his no-strings Feeld matches until he meets the mother to his dachshund.
“It’s great that more people are embracing this side of life, giving more options for connections,” said the owner of the Instagram account @sexpositive.memes, a veteran Feeld user. “But it also sadly means it will be on the radar of more problematic people.”
Sex positivity is great, as long as it’s not being fetishized or exploited. Late last year, Feeld underwent a glossy refresh, including new features that can help crack down on inappropriate behavior that its popularity could enable. We’re at the precipice of a bold new frontier for sexual expression, so with more people flocking to the platform in search of a more authentic human experience, more honesty, and kinkier sex, safeguarding and support must be as important as—if not more than—a flashy new interface and features.
“We’re [always] exploring ways to connect people in different ways and create other opportunities for serendipity and discovery on the platform,” said Kirova. “The most important part of our growth and transformation is our commitment to evolution. We’ve made mistakes and had to make changes along the way, but we’ve always done things very intentionally.”
Kinky sex, dating, and meeting adventurous people are all fun, and Feeld undoubtedly makes it easier to roll the dice and meet folks with the same interests as you. Personally, I love that an app that allows for polyamorous-linked profiles and multiple tags showing your sexual preferences exists, and I don’t want to gatekeep it—everyone should be able to enjoy it. I just hope it remains a space of safety in its purest, kinkiest form, no matter how popular it gets.
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