Former Christians Are Sharing The Turning Points That Made Them Leave The Faith, And They Had A Lot To Say
We asked the former Christians of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their turning point to leave the religion. Here are some of their insightful stories:
Warning: This post contains topics of sexual assault and suicide.
1."There were a lot of reasons I left the church. The pastor had an affair, and it was conveniently swept under the rug because heaven forbid people actually acknowledge the issue. And there was the time the youth pastor told me (a then-preteen) that I needed to put on a bra because I was distracting. And also when members of the church in charge of hiring a new pastor utilized both sexist and racist practices and kept women and minorities from being hired."
2."I am a female only child of a divorced mother. My parents had been divorced since I was 5 because my father cheated on my mother. Around the time I was 15, our pastor was replaced because he had been convicted of sexually abusing his foster daughter. I was still heavily involved in the church's choir, youth group, orchestra, and more. The new pastor gave a sermon about how kids just couldn't 'turn out right' without a father in the house. He said the kid would become a 'criminal, a drug addict, a sex worker, or somehow a less-than-good member of society.' We didn't walk out that day. But we didn't go back, either."
3."My mom's Polish, so my brothers and I are Catholic, and she and her whole side of our family have always exemplified the purest and most loving form of Christianity. I went to church all my life until my mid-20s, listening to BS I didn't quite always agree with, but just sort of tuned out the iffy parts of sermons. I got a job with a Catholic organization working under a very difficult priest, who believed that we should be working full time for free because we were doing God's work. He would always berate us for not working hard enough or putting in more hours. He said we should be glad to be 'filled with the light of God instead of being materialistic' (which was expecting a living wage)."
"Someone once replied, 'God doesn't pay my bills or put food on the table,' and he went into a flying rage. Then, on Sundays, he would preach about goodness and kindness. One particularly hard workweek just broke me, and I couldn't go back to work or church. I'm more agnostic now, which works better for me."
Catholic mass.
4."I was raised Catholic and was taught that God would intervene if you prayed to him. My friend was having a difficult pregnancy, and I prayed every day that it would turn out OK, but she miscarried. When I spoke to my priest, he said that God had chosen to terminate the pregnancy because my friend wasn’t married and wasn’t a Catholic. That was six years ago, and I never returned to the church after that."
5."First, I never wanted to go to church, it was something my mom made us do. Second, homophobia. The last time I went to a church it was a lovely and inspirational sermon until the pastor started disparaging gays for absolutely no reason. Even at my grandfather's funeral, the pastor there managed to blame gays for the state of the world. Just random unnecessary hate."
6."I have lots of reasons for not participating in organized religion, especially Christianity. One of my main turning points was when a coworker, who I was also friends with, was having marital issues. It’s a small town, and her husband was a piece of shit who everyone knew. He couldn’t keep his junk in his pants and had several babies outside his marriage, and one of his baby mothers would even go to my friend's home and bang on the door threatening to beat her up. My friend was very, very religious and went to the pastor for guidance, and he put no blame on the husband at all. He guilted her into staying in the marriage and acted as if prayer would fix everything! I was disgusted."
7."When I was younger, the pastor at the family church was allegedly involved in a scandal with a child and no one would do anything because he was a 'man of God.' I was instantly turned off of organized religion after finding out. That was the catalyst and the more I grew up and did some soul-searching, the more I realized I could not believe in a God that would protect a monster over a child (amongst other things as well)."
8."I used to go to a Protestant church in high school, and one time, a guy who was in his 40s came up to me on a church dinner cruise and started talking about how Hurricane Katrina was New Orleans's punishment for the gay rights movement and that bad things happen in places where the gay rights movement is popular. He then proceeded to ask me out and wanted to buy me a drink even after I told him I was 16. Also, we had a pastor who was very against gay marriage and put a sign up on the church with 'the church's stance.'"
9."The amount of gossiping that went on in my church was astounding to me, even as a child. I always felt I had to be perfect or else I would give everyone else even more to talk crap about. The irony of the 'judge not lest ye be judged' Christians being the judgiest people I ever met was lost on them, but it made me really evaluate if I actually believed or if it was just putting on a show so I could fit in. I found out it was the latter."
10."My mother was raised in the Catholic Church, but her breaking point was when they demanded 10% of her monthly income in order to attend. My mom basically told them to fuck off and NEVER looked back."
11."I was 9 years old and finally able to join my church's Scout group. In one meeting, they gathered us all and asked everyone individually if they were a good person. Most children said yes. Once they’d asked everyone, they told us that we were all wrong and that the only good person was Jesus. I was only 9 years old, but even I thought that was bullshit and a pretty cruel exercise to do with children. I left the church at 13 and have been an atheist ever since."
12."I was raised Catholic but as I got older, I questioned the church and its teachings more and more. A lot of it started to not make sense. When I discovered that I was nonbinary and pansexual, the church responded by forcing conversion therapy on me rather than accepting me. A God that supposedly loves everyone is not going to force that sort of hell on anyone."
—Anonymous
13."I left after being judged in youth group for my clothes (tighter shirts and ripped jeans) and being called out in front of the group. Jesus doesn't give a fuck what I'm wearing, and now you've made me more important than Jesus LOL. I hate the hypocrisy."
14."I am a 60-year-old heterosexual African male and was increasingly bothered by the comments and jokes about gay people from the pulpit. I was a devoted and tithing member of a non-denomination mega church. My childhood years were spent every Sunday in a southern Baptist church. But I began to feel more and more uncomfortable with rhetoric that was justifying why gay lifestyles were 'unacceptable.' In short, I asked myself is this what Jesus would say or do with anyone or any group? My answer was no. This caused me to have enough doubt to question a number of teachings and stories in the bible that I was now able to look at with open eyes."
"I began to research the origins of religion and came to understand it is all about a belief, not facts. I then asked a basic question is there any area in my life where I operate on belief and not fact? With that in mind, I had to get honest and admit, I have no concrete data or facts that clearly show me there is a God. The idea of attributing what we don't understand to a God is no longer acceptable to me."
—Anonymous
15."I had fallen out of the Christian faith before, but then 9/11 happened and I thought I needed to reconnect. I saw The 700 Club blaming the sin of America and Vegas and thought it was crap. I went to a Calvary Chapel service down in Fort Lauderdale the Sunday after. The sermon was almost verbatim from The 700 Club. They were blaming people in Vegas for the loss of lives of thousands. No thank you. I realized religion was a hoax. The pastor of that church was later brought up on charges of money laundering and child pornography."
16."I grew up in church with pastors on both sides of my family. It's overwhelming as a child to be told all the things you can't do because it's a sin and you'll go to hell. Don't get me started on the teachings about relationships and sex. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 17 and once I turned 17, I was suddenly supposed to be okay with openly dating without feeling conviction. Religion played a huge part in me not dating or having significant relationships until my mid-20s and even then it still felt wrong."
"Additionally, end-time prophesy teachings (the rapture) were genuinely traumatizing. I was under constant fear that the rapture would happen and I would be left behind for some unknown sin I committed. I now have a child of my own and I REFUSE to put any sort of religious teachings in her head and I've told my parents that I will decide what's appropriate for her until she's old enough to make her own decision about religion."
—Anonymous
17."At a very young age, I was forced to attend church. It felt like a cult. I was cognizant of the so-called church body I convened with. All I did was look and listen. Attending church continued until I was in my early teenage years. After all that I have experienced and been through I made a conscious decision that I did NOT want to be in the same place with any of those people which I will never do."
—Anonymous
18."I was always a very open-minded kid growing up (my mom always encouraged me to think for myself), so I was never a hardcore Catholic or Christian like most of my family. We also never went to a hardcore Catholic church, either. I never cared for church much and always thought religion should be something personal, but what made me never want to go back was when my church wanted everyone to sign a petition against same-sex marriage after the sermon. I think I was the only one who just stood there without signing. I watched as the whole congregation signed. It made me angry and sad. They also had a sermon about abortion one day that was downright offensive. After those two events, I just couldn’t go back."
19."I didn’t grow up in church or a religious household, I was just told God exists, sin exists, and went to a few summer bible schools. As an adult, I wanted to grow my faith. The more I started reading, researching, and contemplating, I called bullcrap. It took about three years of combing through Christianity, Black Hebrew Israelites, and belief in God with no attached religious text before I settled on atheism. Honestly, I never felt more at peace or free."
—Anonymous
20."My parents were raised Catholic, and so was I for the first 12-ish years of my life. I never bought into the rhetoric — not sure I ever even really believed in God — and I used to bring books to read at church. So I wasn't heartbroken when we left the church at the time because my parents said they just needed a change. I didn't find out until a couple of years later that it was actually because of me. I'm adopted, and my parents and younger sister are white. Apparently, many of our congregation had trouble wrapping their heads around that idea. They would be preaching love and acceptance of everyone on Sunday, and on Monday they would ask my mom why she adopted a brown kid when she could have a white one on her own. My parents (obviously) got tired of the hypocrisy and abuse and swore off institutionalized religion."
21."As I got older, a lot of things in the bible just didn't add up (no mention of dinosaurs, no one could give an exact timeline of the events in the bible, the fact that the whole origins of the bible itself are a matter of debate). Not to mention that Christianity was used to keep slaves in check. I definitely have been persecuted for my stance, but I will never go back to any religion."
—Anonymous
22."I told a counselor at my Christian college that I was deeply depressed and suicidal. Her advice boiled down to 'pray more, and trust in God.' I told her I’d been trying that and it wasn’t working. She told me that if I had really been trying, it would be working, so the problem was my lack of faith. This was, suffice it to say, not helpful in dealing with my depression."
23."I did research on the history of the church and became very knowledgeable on all its past. Once I understood the roots of the faith, it became impossible for me to logically subscribe to it."
—Anonymous
24."I grew up in a Baptist church in a religious extended family. My belief in some higher power diminished because of multiple reasons. Multiple friends of mine died in the same year and I just can't fathom how a higher power allows so much grief and hurt (at a personal level as well as across all of society). Mass shootings, violence, homelessness, assault, and so many heinous acts get explained away by free will, but why let people suffer if an all-powerful being could make it better? Modern Christianity is so far from the teaching of the bible. Looking at the mega-churches and the pastor and their lavish lifestyles, they're businesses."
—Anonymous
25."I was raised in the church and the older I get, the more it seems to me how religion is used just to control the less fortunate."
—Anonymous
26.And finally, "I would say that actually reading the bible for myself without someone else's interpretation led me out of Christianity. Once I read it fully, I saw how humans created a God in their image depending on their circumstances and state of mind. While Christians will believe their God is going to save us from ourselves, the work of being better stewards of the Earth and each other falls on us. We must evolve into better humans."
—Anonymous
