Fortysomethings Have Truly LIVED, So If You're A Twentysomething, It's Best You Listen To Them
Reddit user morningperzon asked the community, "People who are over 40 years old, what’s your advice to people in their twenties?"
Well, fortunately for younger folks, these fortysomethings revealed some truly sage advice. They've been there, done that, and learned some pretty noteworthy lessons along the way.
So, here are some very important things twentysomethings should know:
1."Don't put yourself in ridiculous amounts of debt trying to portray a certain image. You'll spend your entire life trying to get out of the hole you dug, or you'll have to declare bankruptcy. Set aside enough money to cover three to six months of expenses for emergencies. Moreover, save now for your retirement years. It doesn't require much, and if you have it taken directly from your paycheck, you won't be inclined to not pay yourself first."
2."Start stretching. Do yoga. Keep stretching. Never get out of the habit. You don't have to be in the best shape to be happy, but stretching makes everything feel better, keeps it feeling good, and means that when you inevitably hurt yourself at some point in the future, it's easier to recover. You may feel invincible now because every person in their twenties does. But then you hit 30, and you start noticing things like it hurts when you jump down the last two stairs instead of walking down them, or when you wake up, or just from existing. I'm in my forties now, and I'm still doing just fine. I find that my daily yoga practice matters more than any other exercise I've ever done."
3."Ghost your shitty friends. They are as much of a liability to your health and future as any other malicious factors in your life right now. And if you have to ask if they're a shitty friend, they are a shitty friend. Ghost them — now."
"For the very first time in my life, I just stopped responding to a friend, and it’s been amazing. I’ve always been the person who tries to make things work with everyone, and I give second, third, and fourth chances. But, I finally have become so busy that I literally HAD to drop the friendship, and I’ve never looked back."
4."Get to know your parents as people. Ask them all about their lives when they were younger, and about their parents and other relatives. Write these things down if you can because before you know it, they will be gone (either physically or mentally), and there will be so many things you want to know."
5."So much of modern life revolves around social media now. I suggest you shut it off frequently. Eat meals, style your hair, and go on vacations — but never post about it. Let calls go to voicemail and leave texts unread. 98% of those items can wait or don't require your response at all. It's depressing to witness a group of friends sitting together in a restaurant and all opting to be on their phones rather than be present with each other. You miss a lot of life staring at your screens."
6."Slow down and actively listen to people in your life. This is a tough skill that I still struggle with. It's particularly hard when you 'don't know what you don't know.' Try not to think of the next thing you want to say. But listen and ask questions if you don't understand their concern/statement. People have some wisdom. The hardest part is how to hear it and then decide if it's applicable or good for you."
7."Work hard, but also have fun. That huge paycheck probably isn't worth it unless you're super materialistic. Having a brand new Tesla or a luxury condo is fun for a month, but having good friends and a balanced life is fun for a lifetime."
8."Don't be afraid to do things by yourself. Go to that show, see the movie, take a day trip. Don't miss out on opportunities just because no one will go with you."
9."If you want to have children, first read up on modern understandings of childhood and childhood development. We understand a lot more about it now than your parents did, and the insights into connecting, listening, respecting, and the different developmental stages can do a lot to increase your enjoyment of parenting. It can help you heal from your own childhood trauma, as well as help you avoid passing on that trauma to your children. Raising kids can be a joyful experience."
10."If you feel scared of a family member or a romantic partner, listen to that feeling and find someone safe you can talk about it with."
11."Try not to give a fuck about what people think of you. Just be your authentic self."
12."Setting boundaries with people is a kind thing to do, for them and you. Some boundaries are obvious and should never be crossed, but many social boundaries can be hard to predict. And how other people react to you telling them your limits is a big test of whether or not you can trust them."
13."Forget about happiness, which is transitory and mood-dependent. Instead of chasing happiness, seek contentment, which you can find by taking actions that relieve the suffering of those around you. Sacrifice your own temporary comfort for others, and then keep your damn mouth shut about it."
14."Don't waste your time forcing a relationship to work when it doesn't. Everything is so much easier when you find someone who's right for you."
15."Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't."
16."Pay less attention to what people say and more to what they do."
17."Time is so precious, so use it to learn a skill that YOU want to learn. That ONE thing you never took the time to get started on? There's a 90% chance there's a YouTube tutorial on it. We didn't have that and it's SO much better than just not knowing until you seek out or stumble upon the answer."
18."It's never too late to start a new career. Do what you love!"
19."Take yourself out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself every now and then with something that seems a bit harder than you think you can handle. Take yourself places where you don't necessarily feel completely safe sometimes. Your comfort zone is an important place, and you need one, but you will never grow or learn if you're always in it."
20."Put money into a retirement account. Put in what you can, but do it every time you get paid. When you're 60, you do not want to be beholden to an employer, working until you keel over."
21."Realize that the world is chaos, life is chaos, all is chaos! Chaos can't be controlled and, in fact, it absolutely will fuck you up if you try. Keep a loose grip on things and go with the flow when chaos occurs. Ride the wave and try your best to make good choices. It will pass in time. If you get lucky, the chaos will travel in the same direction you are and will give you a boost."
22."Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."
23."Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it."
24.And finally, "Being young is largely about yourself. As you grow older, it becomes about others. As a kid, everyone gives you attention to ensure you're well off to take care of yourself. Eventually, you'll get a few years to really live that and discover yourself. And then, as you get older, you might have kids or a romantic relationship or aging family members. And it's about taking care of them. Your immediate gratifications take a backseat. It isn't a bad thing, as that responsible role is tough but very rewarding. So be aware that you have a lot of time, but you don't have all the time. Do the things that you want to do."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
