The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 28-Oct. 4)
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 8yo made breakfast* for himself and his younger brother, and I'm so proud
*opened popsicles— meghan (@deloisivete) September 29, 2024
3yo is absolutely devastated any time we talk about a time before he was born. "But where was I!?"
— rohit (@krishnanrohit) September 29, 2024
Having a nice dinner with the family and my son asked me "Truth or dare?" so obviously I chose truth as the safer option, and he said "Who do you have a crush on aside from Dad?" and everyone went silent and stared at me accusingly.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 29, 2024
My child-free colleagues asked what I was looking forward to this weekend and instead of saying grocery shopping alone I made up some bullshit band name and one of them pretended to know them
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 28, 2024
Guys night out, but it's just me and my neighbor rolling out our garbage bins at the same time.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 28, 2024
My 6-year-old asked where the music goes after we listen to it. I didn’t know whether to go into how sound waves travel, or explain that music isn’t tangible in the way he might think. Maybe this is just a philosophical question. Where DOES the music go?
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) October 1, 2024
My kid said all moms are body builders cause you literally build bodies so I bumped up his allowance.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 1, 2024
*My kids’ Lego building fell over*
First born: I’m very upset about this.
Second born: FUCK.— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 1, 2024
My toddler threw a tantrum because I corrected him when he said he wanted to “Be Halloween for Mickey Mouse”.
I am now standing in the corner thinking about my actions.— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 3, 2024
My kids have been very keen on mandarins (which 3yo calls "baby oranges") for the past two days so I bought a 5lb bag. If you have children I'm sure you can guess what is going to happen next
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 29, 2024
You bought my kid slime? I thought we were friends.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 29, 2024
It has been raining for a week straight. I was the first dad out there today who mowed. Now I get to sit on the patio sipping bourbon, watching the rest of them scramble.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 2, 2024
My 5yo: WHY DID I NOT GO TO THE FUNERAL?
Me: Well, you would have had to be quiet for an hour.
5: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I AM REALLY NOT GOOD AT THAT.— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 28, 2024
Tiktok mom influencers love making full minute videos of how their two year olds have been "screen free since birth". I just don't think this is a flex if your toddler has a ring light in their face all day
— scary sarah (@sarahradz_) September 30, 2024
Caught my 3yo putting deodorant on her mermaid Barbie.
Her: She stink in that water with them fish.— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) September 30, 2024
Toddlers are wild. Imagine fighting someone over eating food and taking naps.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 29, 2024
Got 7yo a cellular device so he could make emergency calls.
Yesterday's emergency call: 4yo won't eat her shrimp after I said she had to and he wanted to make sure I knew. 🍤— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) October 1, 2024
Drove by a daycare and my 4-year-old said "That's where I used to go." I told her she's never gone to daycare and she asked "Then who took care of me?" and I said "I did" if any parents were wondering if anything they do matters.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 1, 2024
My favorite is when my son begs me to take him to Target so he can buy something with his own money & then when we get in line he says, “Are you really gonna make me use my own money?”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 1, 2024
jd vance gives off the vibe that he refers to it as "babysitting" when he's watching his own children and "helping" when he's cleaning his own house
— Erin "Skeleton Factory" Ryan (@morninggloria) October 2, 2024
