This Guy Said His Wife Kept "Complaining" That He Wasn't Helping With Their Baby, And Now He's Confused As To How She's Doing Better Without Him

There has been a lot of discussion about weaponized incompetence, which refers to when someone pretends they don't know how to do something so that someone else will do it, and it's especially common in relationships.

Summary: Article discusses women's experiences with men avoiding responsibility and not reciprocating effort in relationships

A perfect example of weaponized incompetence recently went viral when husband and father Puzzleheaded_No3393 (who we'll call Puzzle) shared why his wife asked for a divorce in a now-deleted post that was saved for viewing by moderators

Here's what happened in Puzzle's own words: "I'm not looking for pity or understanding here. I know I'm not getting it. Me and my ex-wife have a 14-month-old son. After he was born our marriage fell apart," he said.

"She said I wasn't pulling my weight with childcare and chores, but at the same time, she expected me to know what to do without her telling me. It was bad. We argued a lot and I ended up telling her that her life would be harder without me. She got really quiet and I thought that was the end of the argument. It made things fall apart and we are getting divorced."

Now, "We're living separately; each got a new apartment. As for our son, the law in our state [Kentucky] is that 50/50 is the default custody arrangement."

"It is automatic unless one parent proves neglect on the part of the other. We don't have that, so on the advice of both our lawyers, we are splitting time and doing alternating weeks since we separated. We usually switch on Mondays with the daycare pickup and drop-off."

"I knew being a single parent wasn't easy but I didn't really know until now. This is where I realize how badly I fucked up because I'm drowning. The weeks I have my son, I don't get anything done, and I can barely even function at work because I'm so exhausted."

"I spend the whole week I don't have him catching up and I can't even get everything done. My apartment is a mess and I can hardly keep up with errands and chores. It sucks. I realize I fucked up because I thought since I was having a hard time, my wife would be too, and we could call off the divorce and work on things. But she doesn't want to."

"She says her life is easier without me and she is the opposite of me and can apparently keep up everything fine. She says she isn't exhausted anymore and realized it's easier having one person to take care of instead of two."

"I know I messed up and should have been a better husband. I can't even ask for less time with my son because I can't afford the child support. Right now, neither of us has [to pay child support] because of 50/50 and equal income, but if we go off 50/50, my lawyer says the person with less time will pay child support. I hate myself for fucking up so much. Wtf did I do?"

Jennifer Lopez in a pink textured outfit, seated with a microphone in front, slightly turning her head

Puzzle said he was not looking for pity and knew he wouldn't get it, and WOW was he right.

"So buddy wants her back to just keep getting out of chores and so he can go back to that good lifestyle?" user Fit-Humor-5022 posed after reading the post.

JoBeWriting responded in agreement: "That's what stood out to me too," they said. "In all that rant, not one word of 'oh, my wife is beautiful, she is smart, she is my best friend, I miss her so much, etc.' No. Just, 'I realized caring for a toddler is hard, actually, and I need Wife Mom to do it for me.'"

People had no sympathy, largely because he didn't appear to feel bad for unloading all duties onto his wife. "He doesn't even regret it because he realizes how truly wrong he is. He admits he messed up and that it's his fault the marriage fell apart, but to me this doesn't feel like genuine remorse or a desire for redemption," user lapetitlis said.

"He just wants his household manager, housekeeper, and free in-home childcare back. He is sad because it's made life harder for him. I get the feeling that even if he promised to change and she took him back, things would go right back to 'normal,' with Puzzle's wife exhausted and overwhelmed."

I mean, how can you feel bad when he assumed his wife would have an equally hard time raising a baby she had already been basically raising by herself for over a year?

"His stupid ass thought she couldn't manage without him?" user WeeklyConversation8 said. "She already was, which is why she was fine when he left. Now he's realized how much she actually does. He wasn't contributing anything, except stress."

And the weaponized incompetence of it all is what stings the most.

"'She expected me to know what to do without telling me,'" user throwawayadvice12e mocked. "Do you think women are given some special handbook on children and household care?? Why do some people act so incompetent? Even though he's struggling to keep up on his own now, he does KNOW what to do. He doesn't look at his messy house or his child in a dirty diaper and become perplexed at what the solution is. So, he did know what to do all along. It's literally common fucking sense, and if there's something you don't know about caring for a baby, there are a million resources to answer your questions that are not your overworked wife."

In sad conclusion:

"For so many women divorce is a blessing. You lose about 180-200lbs of dead weight and a man baby," user fancyandfab said.

What are your thoughts on the situation? Let us know in the comments.