Jamie Otis says she 'has such a pain in my soul' in post marking late son's 6th birthday

The "Bachelor" alum shared a new post on what would've been her first-born son's sixth birthday.

Jamie Otis revealed that her first-born son, Jonathan, would've turned six on Dec. 20. (Photo via @jamienotis on Instagram)
Jamie Otis revealed that her first-born son, Jonathan, would've turned six on Dec. 20. (Photo via @jamienotis on Instagram)

Jamie Otis is getting emotional on her what would have been her firstborn son's 6th birthday.

The 36-year-old shared a sweet Instagram Reel on Tuesday of her daughter, five-year-old Henley Grace, helping put an ornament on the family's Christmas tree. The ornament was a small piece of wood that read "Forever in our hearts, Jonathan Edward."

Below the text, the ornament showed four photos, including Otis's ultrasound when she was carrying her son before he died after 17 weeks in her womb.

In the video, Otis also added a couple of shots of herself holding her son in the hospital, including one shot with her husband, Doug Hehner.

"Gracie asked me why I began crying putting the ornaments on our tree," Otis wrote as on-screen text for the clip, adding, "It made me think of my first-born son, our sweet baby boy, Johnathan."

Otis also included a personal caption in her post, honouring her baby son on his birthday.

"Today, my first-born baby would be six-years-old if he made it to his due date. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I will forever love him and honour him," Otis captioned her post for her more than 851,000 followers. "I still have such a pain in my soul that we didn't get to bring him home. Why was his life cut so short? ... When they say 'time heals the pain,' I think they meant that it just numbs it. I don't know if the pain ever truly goes away. You just find distractions to keep the pain at bay."

The "Bachelor" alum continued to explain that she tries to focus on "gratitude" and thankfulness.

"One thing I'm forever grateful for is the chance to hold my baby before he was taken from me," she added. "I got to kiss his sweet face and pray for his sweet soul. I got to see his perfect little button nose and all 10 of his tiny fingers and toes."

Otis shared that she would "never forget" the promise she made to her son while she was holding him in the hospital.

"I leaned down and whispered in his sweet little angel ear that l would never forget him and I'd spend the rest of my life honouring his short one," she penned. "Sweet Johnathan, mommy will always keep her promise to you. Daddy and I love you so much. Merry Christmas, precious boy."

The television personality and registered nurse added that she and Henley went shopping for another young boy in Jonathan's honour.

She also explained that she tries to keep his memory alive by talking about him to his siblings, and often feels his presence when spending time around a tree they planted for him.

"Thank you for being the most lovely guardian angel watching over us. I hope you're happily bouncing on clouds and dancing with the angels. Until we meet again, sweet baby boy," Otis wrote. "If you've ever suffered a loss, I'm sending you so much love. This time of year can be so tough. Our angels are watching over us."

Fans shared their emotions in the comments of the post, with many saying they started crying after reading Otis's message.

"This made me weep. What a beautiful and loving tribute to your baby. I can't think of a more loving and honouring gesture than to give gifts to another boy in your baby's honour," one fan penned.

"I can't imagine how tough that is. How is his tree doing? Sending so much love!" another wrote, to which Otis replied saying, "His tree is doing amazingly well. The lady on the phone at the nursery told me it had no hope ... but yet, it's still green — even after Hurricane Ian!"

"I'm crying right now because I'm really missing a loved one that has passed... it hurts," someone shared, alongside a broken heart emoji.

"I can guarantee that his spirit is around you all the time. It is OK to feel all the feelings and even to be upset at God. The pain may never go away and that's OK," someone else added. "I bet he is around your other baby spirits that will be coming to earth shortly."

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