Kimberly Williams-Paisley Opens Up About 'Terrifying' 2 Years She Couldn’t Speak: ‘I Felt Trapped in My Own Body’ (Exclusive)

• Kimberly Williams-Paisley suddenly lost her voice in 2022 and couldn't speak above a whisper for nearly two years

• The According to Jim actress felt 'invisible' and 'trapped' as she searched for answers. Eventually she was diagnosed with a partially paralyzed vocal cord and underwent surgery in August

• Husband Brad Paisley and their two teen sons helped support her along the way

Kimberly Williams-Paisley drives up to greet a People photo crew outside her home near Nashville and rolls down the window with a smile.

Seated next to the actress is a curious passenger: a near-life-size white plastic swan, hollowed out with a hole in its back. Noting the quizzical looks, Williams-Paisley pats the swan. “She’s my support animal,” she says simply, deepening the mystery.

Later the actress demonstrates the purpose of the bird: Tipping the swan to its side, she holds the neck like a handle and sets the opening next to her ear as if she’s listening to a giant seashell. Then she speaks into the hollow, her voice amplified as it resonates.

“It helps me hear my voice,” explains Williams-Paisley, 53, who uses the swan to boost her confidence before speaking in public. “I can relax, because I know it’s there.”

For a painfully long time, it wasn’t. In the fall of 2022, her voice inexplicably disappeared — and for nearly two years she couldn't speak louder than a whisper. “I felt trapped in my own body,” says the Father of the Bride star.

Suddenly silenced, she had to turn down acting jobs and, at times, even withdrew from family and friends, despite the steady support of her husband, singer Brad Paisley, and sons Huck, 17, and Jasper, 15. “There was so much shame involved,” she says. “I felt invisible.”

Before finally getting the August surgery to correct the underlying problem — a partial paralysis of her left vocal cord — she discovered a new inner strength as she relentlessly searched for answers. “I had to fight to be heard," she says. "Now, no matter what my physical voice is, my voice underneath is stronger. I feel more confident. I know myself better.”

Related: Miley Cyrus, Céline Dion and More Stars Who've Had to Bounce Back from Vocal Injuries

It started in November 2022, when Williams-Paisley had just taken the stage alongside her sister, actress Ashley Williams, to welcome guests at their annual fundraiser for Alzheimer’s, the Dance Party to End ALZ. The event honors their mother, who died of dementia in 2016. “I put the mic to my mouth, and nothing came out,” she says. “It was terrifying.”

She’d experienced vocal weakness in previous years but nothing like this. At first, she assumed she’d strained her voice: “I thought, ‘I need hot tea and vocal rest.’ ” But days, and then weeks, went by, and she could still manage only a faint whisper. “I went to self-blame —‘I’m not breathing properly, I’m not relying on my vocal training,’” she says. “I was beating myself up.”

She turned to a voice coach, along with acupuncture and massage, but nothing helped. Two months later, in January 2023, at the premiere of her Netflix film Dog Gone, Williams-Paisley stepped onto a red carpet and panicked, realizing it was too loud for her to do any interviews. “I sounded weak, and it’s not how I felt,” she says. “I went into the bathroom and cried, and a couple of friends held my hand."

The strain began to wear on her and she started experiencing worrying symptoms: “Days when I didn’t want to do anything. Days when I was extra tired. Cycling anxiety thoughts in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t say I had clinical depression, but I was sad.”

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In early 2023 she made an appointment with the Vanderbilt Voice Center, which has treated some of the biggest names in Nashville, from Johnny Cash to Wynonna Judd. Doctors discovered that her neck muscles were so tight, her vocal cords were barely visible. "When we first saw her, it was hard to tell what was happening to the vocal cords themselves," says Dr. Gaelyn Garrett, executive medical director of the Voice Center.

The actress was diagnosed with muscle tension dysphonia, meaning “the muscles in my neck were tensing up to help my vocal cords hit each other," Williams-Paisley says.

Step one was to “get my body to unlock.” Vanderbilt put her in physical therapy and sent her to a specialist who helped realign her body and gave her a nighttime mouthpiece to help relax the muscles. Over the next year she tried a long list of traditional — and unorthodox — solutions, including antidepressants, Invisalign braces, a vegan diet, hypnosis, a psychic — even an astrologer.

Despite her efforts, her voice still didn't return. She was turning down invitations, job offers and avoiding social functions. “I love dinner parties and being around people, but I didn’t want to go out,” she says. "I couldn’t be a part of the conversation.”

For a time, she was convinced her voice was gone for good. “There were days when I grieved and sobbed," Williams-Paisley says. I wondered, 'Who am I without my voice?'" She began to believe her acting career might be over, so "I started coming up with other ways to express myself." She decided to turn to writing and finished two screenplays during her period of quiet.

At home her husband, Brad, 52, struggled to help. “I’d give her advice: ‘Do this vocal warm-up with me,’ ” he says. “I stepped in it so much!” But he also lightened the mood. “He’s so good at keeping me laughing. That’s a gift,” she says.

Their two boys, she says, “saw me at my most vulnerable.” And they’d help her when they could by getting someone’s attention for her: “They were great cheerleaders for me. To see them embracing me made me feel less alone.”

Another source of comfort was the work she did with Brad at The Store, a non-profit free grocery store that they opened together in 2020 to address food insecurity. "It felt good to throw myself into service and helping others," she says.

By the beginning of this year, her months of hard work re-aligning her body and relaxing her neck muscles had paid off. When she returned to Vanderbilt for another look at her throat in January, they could finally see the vocal cords and determined her left cord wasn’t meeting the right, possibly the result of a virus. “Once I got that diagnosis, my body could relax in a whole new way,” she says. “The shame and blame dissipated. It was largely a technical issue, not something I did wrong.”

Related: Brad Paisley and Kimberly Williams-Paisley Provide 400 Families with Holiday Gifts Through Free Toy Store

In August, Williams-Paisley underwent a medialization laryngoplasty, a three-hour procedure in which her weak left vocal cord was moved closer to the right. Immediately following the surgery, her voice was back. "I couldn't believe it was true," Williams-Paisley says.

Today her voice is "much better" but not perfect: “I still can’t yell down the road. And at the end of a long day of talking, I'll sound a little more raspy than I used to, but I think that's sexy,' she says. "And I've learned that when you talk quieter, people lean in, which is not bad either."

She maintains a regular meditation practice that helps manage stress, she’s careful to do vocal warm-ups — and she’s back to work, hosting the third season of the Fox reality show Farmer Wants a Wife, premiering March 20. She brought her swan on set and practiced her hosting voice with it before her first day of filming. "I was nervous, and if I am afraid that my voice isn't going to be there, I may be inclined to go back to old habits," she says. "The swan helps me hear my voice and I don't tense up. Before I went on camera, I said, 'Hey, we got this.'"

And though she's overjoyed to be past her ordeal, she’s learned valuable lessons along the way. “I feel empowered now," she says." I don’t want to leave things unsaid. I never want to take my voice for granted — and I want to be brave in using it.”

For more on Williams-Paisley, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, available on newsstands Friday.

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