'I let them choose their own path'; give kids space with sports, ex-college, NFL star says

When you hear the name Bobby Taylor, you might think of a highlight-reel cornerback, especially if you root for Notre Dame or the Philadelphia Eagles.

That part of Taylor’s life, though, was news to his youngest son.

Asher was on YouTube one day — “He probably shouldn’t have been on there,” his father says — when he stumbled across some footage of Taylor playing football for the Irish.

“Dad, why didn’t you tell me about this?” the son asked.

“I wasn't trying to keep it away from you,” Taylor replied, “but since you have discovered it, let's talk about it.”

“It kind of happened organically,” Taylor tells USA TODAY Sports.

Taylor was an All-American in college and a 10-year NFL veteran, mostly with perennial Eagles playoff teams. But he has spent his post-playing career supporting his three sons through all their sports, knowing, however difficult it is to accept, that they might not ultimately stay with the one he loves most.

“Inside of me now, of course, there's some selfishness,” he says. “When they're like, ‘I want to go out and play football,’ inside, I'm celebrating, I’m popping bottles. But outside, I let them choose their own path.”

It’s a struggle we all have had in urging children toward our favorite sport.

“I think there are parents that try to live through their children, and that's something that I refuse to do,” he says. “I think that's counterproductive.”

Taylor, 50, has consulted with the NFL’s football operations department for about six years. He's become an important figure in developing programs for a sport that has become a movement for girls. They can now play flag football in 13 states (and counting) as a sanctioned high school varsity sport and in nearly 20 more as part of pilot programs.

Flag football is sweeping the world among kids of all athletic abilities and backgrounds. It’s a sport Mom and Dad might not have played, and its one in which kids can create an autonomous experience.

“There are so many young boys and young girls, you look at them the first time that they go out there to a practice, and then by the end of the season, it's almost like they're a totally different little kid,” Taylor says. “You see that progression."

We spoke with Taylor about helping kids find their own unique athletic journey — one that can flourish without too much of our interference.

(Questions and responses are edited for length and clarity.)

We can get our kids into a sport because we love it. But they might thrive if we let them find one for themselves.

It started with the sounds.

The Saturday morning crowd noise drifted into Bobby Taylor’s front yard from a nearby park in Longview, Texas.

"What's going on over there?" thought Taylor, not even old enough to play Little League football.

Taylor grew up following in his father’s footsteps. Robert Taylor won gold in the 4x100 relay and finished second in the 100 meters at the 1972 Munich Olympics. Track was his son's first love, but he chose football.

Bobby Taylor is back in Texas, where his two younger sons, Alexander, 11, and Asher, 8, play flag football, soccer and basketball. Like their 20-year-old brother, also named Bobby, who is on a football scholarship at Texas A&M, they started with flag at young ages.

“Asher was, I wouldn't call it playing, but he was running around, at probably five,” Taylor says, laughing. “He thought he was playing, but he was just out there running around.”

It’s how all of our kids start out with sports. Often, it’s up to us as to how long they continue.

USA TODAY: Now that you have an 20 year old, do you have any tips for sports parents, about what you've learned along the way?

Bobby Taylor: I know it's hard, for probably a lot of parents, not to use some of their shortfalls when they were growing up, and they passed that along to their children. And I've seen so many cases where there are kids that are out there (and) they really don't even want to be playing specific sports just because of the pressure that their parents are putting on them. Try not to put too much pressure in living through your children, especially when maybe there are some things that you would like to change. I mean, because, listen, I made it to Notre Dame, made it to the NFL, had a long career. There are some things that I still wish I did differently, right? But would I dare put that burden on my children.

USAT: When did you transition from track to football?

BT: I ran track all the way through my senior year of high school. I wouldn't have been as successful as I was playing football if I didn't run track. That was the first competitive sport that I was exposed to. And then from there, I went from basketball to football, but my folks just allowed me to experience and play multiple sports. And one of the things that you hear about a lot: When you have these kids that are specialized in just one sport when they're in junior high school. And I think that that's counterproductive, because when you play multiple sports, it gives your body and different specific muscles that you use when you play in a specific sport to rest, but then also, there are transferable skills that I know that I gained by playing more sports than just football.

USAT: When did your oldest son start specializing in football?

BT: Probably, I would say, sophomore (year) in high school, I mean because he was faster than me. He had some great skills on the basketball court, as well. But he just made that decision himself that he wanted to specialize at that particular time, and of course, I wanted to try to influence him, but at the same time, it's like, hey, you don't want to make those mistakes. That's something that he wanted to do, and I supported it.

COACH STEVE: When should your kid start to specialize in a sport?

Find your entry point, and follow your passion

About two decades ago in Mexico City, a girl played the sport she loved on a dirt field. Diana Flores’ coach used to ask the girls to bring trash bags to help clear space for practice.

“As an eight year old, I didn't realize how bad that situation was,” Flores, now 27, told USA TODAY's Christine Brennan last spring at the Project Play Summit in Baltimore. “People just need sometimes, someone that trusts on you, someone that trusts on those little boys and girls, that trust on their talents, who invest on them, who bet on them to be a game changer in life.”

Today, more than 20 million people in more than 100 countries play flag football. Flores, who is 5-3, is a celebrity, having performed in a Super Bowl commercial that showcased her speed and evasive cuts.

Flores, the team captain and quarterback, led Mexico to the 2022 World Games in Birmingham, Alabama. There, Taylor and family watched her team upset the United States in the women's flag football championship.

A little more than two years later, a number of post-secondary institutions (NCAA, NAIA schools and junior colleges) offer varsity flag football for women.

“I meet so many parents, especially dads, that football is their favorite sport," Taylor says. "They're able to sit down with their little girls now and just talk X's and O's of the game, because their girls are playing the sport.”

COACH STEVE: 70% of kids drop out of youth sports by 13. Why?

USAT: Why do you think the flag is such a good entry point into the game of football?

BT: Think about how quickly you can put up points, how quickly the momentum can change back and forth. You have to have teamwork. And then, it's fast paced, you get out there and you're running around, and some of the same skills are transferable. You can use them if you begin to play tackle football, as far as being in a good football position, if you're on defense, to pull a flag. If you're on offense, running the ball, you don't have to worry about that contact. So if there are kids that may not be ready to put on pads, put on the helmet, they can start off playing flag — first of all, have fun, that's the most important thing — but then to start developing some of the skills that it takes, and then to build confidence.

Watch your 'language' and have an open dialogue with your coaches

Taylor’s goal is to have flag football sanctioned as a girls varsity high school sport in all 50 states.

It will be an Olympic sport for both women and men at the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics.

The sport is not a step down, Taylor has said, but an extension of football. He also defends the traditional game as a co-chair of the NFL Legends Youth Advisory Committee.

“Football can get attacked,” Taylor says, “when you think about how physical it is, some of the injuries that are associated with playing the game.”

USAT: Do you feel like tackle football is a lot safer than it was when you played?

BT: Oh, absolutely. I think about just some of the unnecessary risks that have been taken away when you think about some of the drills, Oklahoma drill, things like that, and then also just the language. That's another important thing that we focus on in our committee. When you're coaching young men and young women, there's a specific language that shouldn't be used. For example, when you think about tackling, there were things where, when I was growing up, you would have coaches saying, ‘Hey, put your face in there.’ So we're teaching now to try to remove that from the game. That's why you have the shoulder pads.

USAT: I think that's a big thing that coaches don't think about enough is when a kid is showing signs of a concussion, you have to take them out of the game until they're better.

BT: There should be open dialog, not only with with your fellow coaches, but then also with the parents as well. Ask those questions to the coaches. 'What's your plan?' If a guy is showing a concussion, what are some of those steps that you all have in place so we can be safe and not be macho and say, 'Hey, just wipe it off and go back in there'? We've seen in so many different cases where that could be very detrimental.

'Sports is a privilege' that shapes who we become

Today, in partnership with the NFL, USA TODAY Sports has a girls flag football Super 25 high school rankings.

It’s a full-circle moment for Taylor, who was named to USA TODAY’s All-USA football team in high school. He says he was just as proud to make the honor roll in high school. All the honors bring to light the meaning behind kids' sports: They are not intended to make them professional athletes, or even to get them a scholarship, but to give them the confidence to excel in a number of areas.

Instilling that feeling starts with all of us.

USAT: You've done some mentoring work with college kids, too, heading into the NFL draft. What advice do you give them?

BT: Your character is one of the big things we always hear about. Don’t only share positive experiences, but be open and honest. There are a lot of things that I didn't do right. And so learn from it. Because living in this day and age, it's hard to get swept under the rug. Eventually, it's going to come to light at some point.

USAT: You have said it took a village to raise you. Do you mean your parents, your grandparents, and in the community?

BT: My grandmother, she had her own standard of 'No Pass, No Play' when it came to the type of grades that I had to make in order to be able to earn the right to play extracurricular activities. When you commit to playing these sports, it takes time away from your academics, but that wasn't an excuse my folks were gonna let me use because, listen, to be able to play a sport is a privilege. It's the same way I have raised my children.

Luckily they do love football. Now, they aren't Philadelphia Eagles fans. I haven't been able to convert them yet, but hopefully over time, I'll be able to do that.

Steve Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer with USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now sports parents for two high schoolers. His column is posted weekly. For his past columns, click here.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Bobby Taylor talks about supporting his own sons in sports