Local TV producer went through hell with bi-polar disorder and shares healing story
Editor's Note: This interview is part of an ongoing Star series highlighting Kansas Citians from historically under-represented communities and their impact on our region. The series builds on The Star's efforts to improve coverage of local communities. Do you know someone we should interview? Share ideas with our reporter J.M. Banks.
When Christina Santiago was diagnosed with bipolar disorder she never dreamed it would lead to her becoming an advocate for addressing mental health and suicide prevention, or that she would write a book chronicling her own experience.
By day, Santiago is a producer at a local Kansas City television news station but her passion is telling her story through her writing and connecting with people struggling to accept that they may need help with their mental health.
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and October is Mental Health Awareness Month. Santiago sees these months as prime periods for education and outreach.
Recently Santiago sat down with The Kansas City Star’s culture and identity reporter, J.M. Banks, to talk about coming to terms with mental disorders, finding help and finding the strength to tell your own story.
Banks: Can you tell me about your background and early life?
Santiago: I was born and raised in St. Louis. My mom is Puerto Rican and was born on the island then moved to St. Louis when she was a kid. My Dad was born in Minneapolis then moved to St. Louis as a teen and they met as young adults. I went to a private Catholic all-girls school all through my schooling before going to Mizzou (University of Missouri) for journalism. I was very much a musical theater and choir kid, so the performing arts were my jam.
How long have you been writing poetry?
It’s interesting. I wrote poetry as a kid throughout high school and then it kind of fell off for a decade. Then in the midst of the pandemic I picked it back up again and now it is my biggest passion and hobby.
What influenced your decision to go back into poetry?
I was looking for an outlet. Around 2019 I was singing at open mics around town and I actually had suggestions from other people in my life who said ‘Didn’t you used to write for yourself?’ and that I should give that a shot. That is when I decided to get back into poetry.
What kind of things do you write about in your poetry?
It’s a lot of first-person narrative work, so a lot of it is about my experiences with mental illness. I live with bipolar disorder. I talk about those experiences as a biracial woman. I’ve talked about the complexity of my personality. So, a lot of it is self-reflection.
When were you diagnosed with bipolar disorder and how did it impact your life?
In 2017, maybe early 2018. My behavior was so erratic and nonsensical but the diagnosis and the treatment changed it for the better. Then I understood what had been leading up to that point and why I was so not myself. So being able to get a diagnosis allowed me to get on medicine and it got me into therapy.
What year did you write the book or release the book? And, how long was that writing period?
The book is named “You Can Go to Hell and Back Because I Did.” I wrote almost all of it in 2021 within the span of two or three months, so I kind of just shared my thoughts and feelings. I was writing a lot and felt like I wanted to share it but I didn’t know how. I contacted a publisher and I kind of thought that they would have suggestions for ways to put it out into the world. Instead they said when you’re ready, I would love to talk about publishing it. It came out Oct. 10, 2022, which is World Mental Health Day. We have sold out of two printings and I am currently working on an audio book for it that I hope to release later this year, or early next year.
Can you give me a breakdown of the book’s content?
I called the book You Can Go to Hell and Back, because I did. Pre diagnosis and treatment for bipolar disorder, my life kind of blew up because of a manic episode that was causing me to make choices that were not healthy for me or other people. It took hospitalization, then treatment after that, and recovery from that episode for me to kind of get a life back. So, the book is kind of reflecting on that time immediately before, during, and after diagnosis and treatment of bipolar disorder.
What was the most difficult part of writing the book?
Once it was out there, this part of my life was no longer a secret. It had kind of been my dirty little secret, something that I kept to myself previously. But it was actually freeing and empowering to share this with the world. I can say it is the most vulnerable, unsettled part of my life and there is not really anything anyone could hold against me for anything, or nothing to be ashamed of because it’s all out there now.
Within the Hispanic community, do you feel like you see enough advocating for mental health awareness?
I think I see more as time goes by. I know, like my mother was very supportive of me getting help and didn’t try to just pray it away. But I know older generations have not necessarily believed in taking medication or going to therapy. I know previous generations culturally or historically not always believed that those things can help. Like, I’ve heard the phrase, just toughen up. Then, you know, go for a walk. Drink some water. It’ll be fine. And, go see your priest and they can counsel you. But obviously, depending on what you’re dealing with, you may need more support than going on a walk.
What do you think is the most fulfilling aspect of the work you do with mental health awareness?
I think it’s meeting other people who have also been through their rock bottom and sharing that I’ve gotten through to the other side. All of us could have succumbed to our demons and we survived instead.
How do you feel your work impacts the community and those around you?
I have had other people tell me that it makes them not want to give up and makes them want to share their own stories. I don’t want anyone to give up on their life because there is always hope and there is always help.
Where can people see you perform your poetry?
I am featuring in a showcase this Wednesday with Poetic Underground at Blip Roasters in the West Bottoms (1301 Woodswether Road) every Wednesday. Once a month they do a curated showcase. The theme of this showcase is suicide prevention, since it’s Suicide Prevention Month. I’ll be talking about sharing both pieces from the book and some new pieces that are related to mental health.
Do you have a motto or philosophy that guides you in your work?
I think just reminding myself If you’re speaking truth, then it’s worth sharing.
