Man Says Wife Is Mad He Didn’t Surprise Her with a Birthday Trip — Even After They Agreed They Couldn’t Afford Travel This Year

A man is feeling confused after his wife got mad at him for not planning a surprise birthday trip for her — despite the couple having agreed that travel is not in their budget right now.

In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------?" forum, the man wrote that his wife of five years loves traveling, especially on her birthday. He said the pair took a trip to Brazil last year and enjoyed a month-long European getaway this past May.

Now, his wife's birthday is just days away but after some "long talks," the two came to the mutual decision that they can't afford a trip this year due to their current financial circumstances.

"Europe left us in debt, and some health issues left us with almost no savings," the man explained. "Also, we want to have children this year, and we need some medical assistance for that. That also costs money."

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Despite their previous discussion, it seems the wife thought her husband would still go ahead and surprise her with a birthday trip. When she discovered that he hadn't made any travel plans, she "snapped."

"She is now super angry because she is staying home for her birthday," the man wrote.

The wife denied agreeing to not travel this year and told her husband that he "should know what she wants for her birthday and should have known that she wanted to travel either way and surprised her with some tickets."

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The man asked the Reddit community for advice on "how to defuse the situation," even admitting that he gave in to his wife's wish to travel in order to smooth things over with her. But she has rejected his olive branch.

"I offered to buy some last-minute tickets anywhere but now she doesn't want [a trip] because she said I'd just be doing it because she forced me," the man concluded, asking, "Am I an a------?"

The post garnered more than 11,000 comments and sparked a lively discussion. Many accused the wife of being "selfish" and having unreasonable expectations, as well as unfairly going against their agreement not to travel.

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"You aren't a mind-reader, and her agreeing to this while expecting you to break the agreement is not ok," one person commented, before questioning the wife's willingness to ignore their strained finances to get what she wants.

"Does she really have the attitude that financial challenges just don't matter if it's something she wants or cares deeply about?" they continued, asking, "Are you on the same page in terms of what financial responsibility means, what expenses should be nixed and which should be prioritized?"

Another commenter agreed, advising the man to sit down with his wife and have an honest talk about the "big picture" and their long-term financial goals as a couple.

"Financial stability should come first, no matter what. No one should be traveling if they will go into debt or will be struggling after returning," they wrote. "Travel is a WANT not a NEED. If that’s not how your wife views travel, and it is a 'need' for her, you might just be incompatible."

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Many other people also urged the man to consider whether he and his wife are really ready to start a family, considering her desire to travel frequently and their financial realities.

"You're in debt and have no savings. That's no situation to go traveling. And even worse, that's definitely no situation to be thinking of having a child," someone wrote. "Children cost money, children come with unexpected costs."

Another chimed in, "My advice would to to absolutely not remotely consider kids until you are both on the same page with financial goals. Kids adds a level of financial stress (and just stress in general) you can't even envision right now."

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