This Man Was Berated By His Family For Paying Off His Wife's Student Loans But Not His Sister's, Now He's Wondering If He's The A**Hole
Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it.
Today's installment is a doozy. It involves family, marriage, and student loans. This story comes from u/Acceptable_Quail_876 who says they're a 34-year-old man who is having a problem I'm sure most of us would love to face. He said, "I recently came into a significant amount of money, so I'm using a throwaway. It’s life-changing for me and my family. I’ve been married to my wife (32, female) for five years, and we’ve been working hard to pay off her student loans, which were around $65,000."
"She’s always been super responsible with her finances, but the debt was a big stressor. With this windfall, I decided to pay off her loans entirely. It felt like the right thing to do since we’re building our life together and sharing finances. She cried when I told her, and it’s been a huge relief for both of us."
"Here’s where things get complicated. My sister (29, female) also has student loans, about $50,000. She found out about what I did for my wife and asked if I’d consider helping her out, too. While I love my sister, I don’t feel the same responsibility to pay her debt."
"She’s always been more casual about her finances, taking trips and buying expensive things despite having loans. I told her I couldn’t help her right now, as I wanted to save the rest of the windfall for our future (house, kids, emergencies, etc.)."
"Now she’s upset and saying I’m playing favorites, especially since we grew up in a family where 'we help each other out.' My parents are also weighing in saying I could at least pay part of her loans to keep the peace."
"I feel like I’ve been fair. This money is about securing my future with my wife. My sister isn’t entitled to it just because we’re related. But now I’m second-guessing myself. So, AITA for paying off my wife’s loans but not helping my sister?"
A lot of users said he's not the asshole and he SHOULD play favorites, leaning toward his wife. User TarzanKitty said, "Your wife is your favorite. It was right there in the wedding vows. Your wife is your nuclear family and the person you are building a life and a retirement with."
"Not the asshole. You should play favorites, and your wife should win. You aren't responsible for any family except the one you create (wife and kids). That money is for your family's future end of story," user colicinogenic said.
"No! You and your wife come first," said user PodFan06082. "What you do with the rest of the money is up to you and your wife. Your sister should never have asked. It was very rude to."
Others were critical of his parents for supporting his sister's ask. User tedsangria said, "Not the asshole. Maybe mom and dad can chip in to 'keep the peace.'"
Some users like sarratiger had follow-up questions and thoughts about his sister to see if she deserved the money. "If you gave her $10,000 to take a chunk off her debt, knowing your sister, would she be grateful or would she make some side comment that would piss you off?"
"If she would be mad that you wouldn’t pay the full amount, save yourself the money and grief. Keep looking out for your nuclear family."
"How much money has your sister given you?" asked user justmeandmycoop.
"I would consider paying the sister's [debt] if she mentioned she had the debt or even just asked for help, but demanding $50,000 from anyone is a whole other level of entitled. Not the asshole," said user Couscous-Hearing.
And user Reasonable_Star_959 pointed out, "In my observation, paying off a debt of someone else’s is like free money. Your sister would likely celebrate by going on a cruise or shopping spree. As you have noticed, she is having plenty of fun despite paying off her student loan debt month-by-month, same as your wife was."
Also, some users like DrPablisimo gave sound advice about discussing finances outside of your household. "It sounds like your sister has a lot of nerve... You learned a lesson. You may have to be tight-lipped about your immediate family's finances."
"Now you understand why you should never disclose your finances to your family members. It always brings jealousy and demands for money," said user Status_Principle9926.
Finally, user littledogbro had some advice encouraging him to bend the truth a bit. "Just say you have the money already tied up for a couple of years with penalties if you try to access it. Works every time."
Now that you've read through all of the evidence, I have to know — do you think he was wrong for paying off his wife's student loans but not his sister's? Let us know in the comments.
Comments have been edited for length and clarity.
