Men Spilled The Beans About Their Biggest Marriage Regrets, And Boy, Who Woulda Thought...
Reddit user skullman_ps2 asked the men of the community, "What's the biggest thing you regret about getting married?"
Men confessed the downfalls of their unions and the complicated nature of marriage. For some men, it's the greatest thing in the world, and for others, it's been pretty unsatisfying.
So, here are some major regrets men have about getting married:
Note: Some submissions were taken from this thread by a former Reddit user.
Warning: This post contains subjects of domestic violence. Please proceed with caution.
1."The first time I was too young (23), got into it way too fast, and didn't pump the brakes when I knew it was headed off the rails. At the time, I was in the military overseas, and I met someone who was in the service but on her way out. I felt like this was just kind of the next logical step in life, to go ahead and take the vows and make it work. The military lifestyle kind of forces people into bad marriages (mostly to guarantee yourself housing off-base), and the circumstances you live under are custom-made to put a strain on those marriages."
"What I would've told my younger self is that at 23, YOU ARE JUST A BABY, and you have so much more life to live and time to find someone you're truly compatible with. Whatever problems you encounter with a person prior to getting married multiply exponentially afterward.
So, be very sure — and if you're not sure, don't do it. You don't have to break up, but if you're not ready, you're not doing you or your new spouse any favors."
2."My biggest regret is not pushing to meet her family sooner. We dated for six years long distance before I saw her mom, dad, and sister interact at a dinner table. It revealed so much about my wife’s behaviors, mannerisms, and stigmas that I previously could not wrap my head around. Her parents were unbelievably toxic to one another, and her sister was unhinged. We’re still married and happy with a child on the way, but it would have been nice to know about her family history of mental illness and her parents' loveless marriage, and all the neglect my wife suffered prior."
3."The money we spent on [the wedding]. The worst part is that I kept telling my wife we could spend it on a nicer honeymoon, a house, or literally anything, but to no avail. She now agrees and, in general, is better with money than I am. But for whatever reason, the wedding venue, food, and everything else created a blind spot for her frugality."
4."She never loved me. She married me because she thought it would force her to develop feelings — what a waste of time."
5."I waiver back and forth about the regret part, but the reason is 90% the lack of sex. When we got engaged she was always interested in it, and this wasn't 'honeymoon phase' stuff. We'd been together for over four years at that point. Once we got engaged the sex dropped off a ton, and obviously didn't get better after the wedding. I raised enough of a stink about it that she took some steps to make things better (no more Lexapro). But it's never gotten back to where it used to be. It's not a dead-bedrooms situation, but it can be pretty frustrating."
6."Not divorcing sooner. I held out for years longer than what was good for either of us and the children. It got ugly. In hindsight, I should have walked away with her saying that I gave up too soon rather than having put up with those last five years where we spent a huge amount of money on marriage counseling. It just made things worse — we had intense fights that resulted in bruises and a concussion, and winter nights sleeping in the car."
7."I have no regrets about my first marriage, and getting married with what I knew at the time. But, I do regret how I handled her infidelity. I was far too conciliatory, and I think if I had been more 'firm' with her in setting boundaries afterward, maybe we'd have actually made it (I doubt it, but in retrospect, I think that was our only chance). My second marriage was just an overall mistake. We just weren't compatible. She's a good person, but we weren't good together. I knew this subconsciously before we got married, but I convinced myself that my misgivings were just 'jitters.' After I realized it six months in, I should have ended it sooner — I kept trying for seven years, but we had no chance."
"I'm engaged now to a woman who makes me feel differently about the relationship than I ever have before — this feels like 'it's supposed to,' if that makes any sense.
But, I've still learned a lot from my past, and I'm using what I learned to make sure I don't repeat mistakes (I definitely accept my portion of the blame for things that went wrong — I've had a lot of time to think about them)."
8."She drained me financially, then cheated on me. Then, when we tried to work it out 'for the kid,' she just wanted to convince me to pay for several of her bills (rent, utilities, etc.) with the idea that we'd be living together again. Oops — her deadbeat boyfriend already lived there."
9."That we had to move in with parents initially because the house we were buying together fell through. It didn’t give us the best start to our marriage, but things are much better now."
10."Her personality changed dramatically from the person I was dating. Stereotypical changes when we got married — way less sex and more entitlement (which happened about eight years into the marriage when we had a three-year-old kid). I never would have dated the person she became at that point."
11."For me, it is the constant compromising I do mentally. It's probably the same in any kind of relationship, but I lose the sense of independence and freedom for mental compromise as a partner. It's the biggest regret I can think of. It's good to remind oneself to take a 'me day' every once and a while."
12."I really just miss meeting new women, learning about them, having new conversations/experiences, and feeling that 'new love' stage again. And, of course, having sex. I would never cheat on my wife, though."
13."I regret not ending the marriage sooner. We separated because I acted like an idiot. I eventually got my shit together, and then we got back together to try and raise our daughter. It was clear right away she didn’t really forgive me, and wasn’t really trying to forgive me. It seemed more like she was getting her revenge or something. I kept trying to make it work, and I think she was too scared to be alone, so we stayed together in misery. Instead of just getting a clean divorce and custody agreement, we separated and spent years fighting even after I’d moved on and had a kid with someone else. So, yeah: I regret not getting the divorce done before she disappeared making me do it in absentia."
14."My wife and I both agree that we got married because of our families (and society in general just expected it). We have no regrets (our marriage is pretty good), but the relationship isn't better in any way for us because we're married. Married or not, we're definitely happier together than apart."
15."Not trusting my instincts sooner. I vividly remember telling her that she had the ability to 'steam-roll my emotions and feelings.' That was before we got married in 2001. Cut to four years post-divorce now in 2023, and her steam-roller is larger, more abusive, and meaner."
16."Did a 'visa marriage' so we could be together. She wanted it to be public, and I conceded — that was a big mistake. It should have just stayed on paper in a drawer for the utility of it. Telling people about it brought problems that we couldn't handle."
17."Don't get married — trust me. I tried really hard to do everything right. We were together for about four years before getting married, and the sex was still good. I started paying more attention to how I dressed when we got engaged. I kept planning dates — we didn't have kids, so that wasn't an issue. If there was a 'how not to end up in a sexless marriage' checklist, I followed every item. But, despite all of that, it didn't matter. Sex took a nosedive once we said 'I do' and never recovered. Fortunately, there were no kids, so after about two years, I told her I was done. Every dead bedroom relationship isn't always the husband's fault — plenty of men are in these situations for reasons totally beyond their control."
18."Thinking that the things that bothered me about her would fade or that she would change. Boy, was I wrong. Every single surface is covered in crap — I am about to divorce someone for being too messy."
19."I don’t mean this in an 'awwww, sweet!' kind of way, but I wish I’d just [gotten married] sooner. I wanted to have a good job before we got married, but getting married wouldn’t have changed that (except maybe making it a little easier for us tax-wise). We’d been together for six years and knew about eight months in, and we were done looking. But, I had stupid young-man pride."
20."I regret that I married the wrong woman. I was immature and naïve, and too eager to find a woman instead of finding the right woman."
21.And finally, "I gave into her ultimatum — she just wanted to get married. It didn't necessarily have to be me."
"I had the same experience — she said she wanted to be married young. After I graduated, I overworked and left her most of the time. At the end, she said, 'It didn't have to be me.' So, yeah — she married someone else."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
