It's OK to have sex at your parents' house this holiday season. Here's why.
Holiday travel can be disastrous for your sex life. Whether you are sharing a fold-out couch with your partner in Grandma’s den, or a tiny hotel room with your kids, it can be hard to find opportunities for intimacy.
And even if you score a cozy guest room with plenty of privacy, you might find that the holiday season leaves you too exhausted and overstimulated to do anything but collapse into bed.
So many holiday rom-coms are built around this idea: Do the parents let the couple sleep in the same room? If so, do they have sex in their childhood bedrooms with their parents sleeping in the room next door? The SNL sketch "Twin Bed" about hooking up over the holidays led by Aidy Bryant still comes to mind.
A 2020 Stanford study found that women experience a desire drought during the holiday season. Researchers found that women reported a dip in libido in the days leading up to Christmas Day, with low desire lingering until after the New Year.
But don’t worry. There are ways you can preserve and even enhance your sex life during the holiday season, even if your in-laws are just outside the door.
Set an intention to focus on intimacy
Commit to doing one thing every single day of your holiday break that will prioritize your relationship. Whether you are road-tripping or hosting at home, it’s easy for our love lives to be de-prioritized. But you can consciously choose otherwise.
Instead of zoning out with your earbuds while your partner drives, you can play a couples’ questionnaire game (if the kids aren’t listening, you can even do an X-rated version of this). Or commit to giving your partner a daily 10-second kiss, mistletoe optional. Find little ways to seduce your partner, and soon you will feel your desire and connection increase organically.
Should you have sex at your parents house?
Instead of thinking “I’m not going to be in the mood when my parents are in the next room,” think of it as if you and your partner are teens again and trying to slip away for makeout sessions without getting grounded. Reframe your mindset. Approach the situation as a sexy adventure rather than viewing it as prude purgatory. If you bring passionate and eager energy, your partner will feel that and they will reciprocate.
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Set boundaries
Don’t just accept the fact that you’re not going to be comfortable over the holidays. Your parents may want to stay with you, but if you would prefer they stay in a hotel, you can express that boundary kindly and firmly. And remember, it’s OK to turn down invites, even if it hurts Grandma’s feelings. Do what makes sense for you and your relationship. If you get enough rest and take care of yourself emotionally, you’re going to be more in the mood for sex when the opportunity arises.
Make opportunities
Great sex doesn’t just happen, especially in long-term relationships and especially during the holidays. This might mean scheduling sex, or it might mean asking the grandparents to babysit so you can have a date night. It might mean opening a bottle of wine and putting on lingerie to wrap presents together. It might mean sending a naughty text to each other when you’re stuck at the airport. Or maybe sneaking away to the bathroom together instead of watching another hour of football.
Do less
It’s tempting to aim for Instagram-worthy perfection during the holiday season. But you don’t have to make every dish from scratch to feel the holiday magic. The more ‘perfect’ your holidays appear on the outside, the less content and peaceful you will feel on the inside. Allow yourself the grace of store-bought whipped cream and premade Thanksgiving dishes. Ask yourself if making the pie crusts by hand will add to your holiday joy, or if it will be just one more thing on your to-do list.
Remember, the holidays are only as magical as we make them, including in the bedroom.
Laura Berman is a sex, love and relationship therapist. She earned two master's degrees and a Ph.D. from New York University and is New York Times bestselling author of nine books and an award-winning syndicated radio host. She currently hosts the popular love and sex advice podcast “The Language of Love.” You can find her on Facebook, Instagram and her website.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: How to keep up your sex life during the holiday season
