After my oldest of 3 went to college, the house felt different. We're not empty nesters yet, but it was still a transitional period.
I have three daughters; my oldest daughter left for college in August.
I'm not quite an empty nester, but the house does feel different without her.
Here's how I'm dealing with the transition and including my younger daughters in the process.
When my oldest daughter left for college this past August, I experienced every emotion the articles warned me about: pride, sadness, excitement, and confusion. But nothing I read mentioned what it feels like to have a not-quite-empty nest. Our house isn't full anymore, yet it's far from empty. This in-between state is its own unique transition.
From 2010 to 2020, my three daughters shared a bedroom and formed an unbreakable bond. When the pandemic started, my oldest moved into her own bedroom downstairs allowing for a bit more independence — a shift that hinted at what life might look like when she eventually left. We joked about it, worried about it, but mostly ignored the reality. Then, suddenly, it was here.
As we prepared to send her off, I read a lot about empty nests — how to cope, what to expect — but nothing about the dynamics of having children still at home. How do you support them while adjusting to this new phase? Through trial and error, I've learned some strategies to smooth the transition.
We're including them in the process
For us, this meant making space — literally and emotionally. My youngest immediately claimed the downstairs bedroom, excited to finally have her own space. I hesitated. I'd read that when a child leaves for college, some parents leave their room untouched for at least a year, giving them a familiar haven to come home to. But my oldest was fine with it, and keeping the room empty didn't make sense for us.
Including the younger two in decisions about their sister's room helped them feel empowered during a time of change. They needed to know life was evolving for them, too, and didn't just revolve around their sister's absence.
We honor their sibling bond
The hardest part for my younger two daughters was missing the actual drop-off. They were both in school and devastated to miss that final goodbye. After my husband and I moved her into her dorm about three hours away, we came home after a couple of days to a quieter house. To ease the strangeness, we went to the movies. Unintentionally, I chose a tearjerker, which let us cry together in the dark without needing to explain it.
Later that night, I found both younger girls FaceTiming their sister and her roommate, laughing like nothing had changed. Their bond was intact, even with the physical distance.
I also sped up getting my youngest a phone by several months so she could stay connected with her sisters. Encouraging regular check-ins and shared group chats has helped keep their relationship strong. For them, it's not just having a sister move out; it's a change in their daily lives. Keeping those ties intact matters.
We balance evolving spaces with familiarity
Navigating the space left behind was tricky. My middle daughter was excited to have her own room for the first time, but she wasn't thrilled about keeping another twin bed in the larger room for her sister's visits home. At first, it caused tension — why did she have to sacrifice her new space?
I explained that the bed symbolized something larger: no matter where life took her sister, there would always be space for her here. Once she understood this, she accepted it. It also prepared her for her own eventual departure, knowing she'd always have a place to return to.
While it's important to let the kids at home grow into new spaces, keeping even a small corner or shelf for the child who left sends a powerful message: home is still their home.
We're creating new traditions
Our family dinners are quieter now, and I sometimes set too many places by habit. I still catch myself waiting up for my oldest, only to remember we dropped her off at college several months ago.
To adapt, we've started new rituals. A weekly movie night where everyone picks a film or a new TV series to watch together has become a favorite. These small traditions give us something to look forward to and reinforce our connection as a smaller group.
We embrace the 'not quite empty' moments
I still miscount kids at family events, frantically looking for my third daughter. This phase is strange — not fully empty, but not quite full. But I've learned to embrace it.
It's a transition filled with opportunities to connect in new ways. Soon enough, we'll send off the next one. For now, I'm cherishing these moments with my not-quite-empty nest and the balance between holding on and letting go.
When my oldest comes home, she'll always have her place here — both in her new role and in the family she helped shape.
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