Discovering Dr. Ruth: A Journey from Childhood Curiosity to Interviewing an Icon

The first time I heard Dr. Ruth Westheimer I was in the back seat of my dad’s car. It was the 1980s, I was maybe 9 years old. We were driving back from a trip to Maryland.

My dad thought I was sleeping, but I remember hearing this woman who sounded kind of like both of my Grandmas. My ears perked up. What was this woman talking about? As I listened, I realized: oh my, she’s talking about S-E-X. I started to giggle, my dad cleared his throat and quickly changed the station. He told me to close my eyes and go back to sleep.

My curiosity about Dr. Ruth, as she was widely called, continued. Who was she? Why did she sound so German and how did she get her own radio show especially to talk about sex? But as with any kid, especially when there was no internet, information was hard to come by and I was now too embarrassed to ask my dad.

I did learn that she was a famous radio personality who often talked about sex to help people. I think I even remember seeing “Saturday Night Live” spoof her. I learned she was from Germany and Jewish, just like my grandparents.

Years later, I discovered not only was Dr. Ruth German but she escaped the Nazis when her parents bravely put her on a train called the Kindertransport to start a new life, and they hoped they would join her someday. As many of us know many of these reunions never materialized. My Grandma Hanni was also on one of the Kindertransports - I started to feel an odd attachment.

Dr. Ruth spoke out for women who wanted freedom - that was one of her characteristics from an early age. She spoke about the importance of education, and why women should be in school and learn all the same subjects as their male counterparts.

Interviewing an Icon

In March of 2022, I was lucky enough to be the Executive Producer on a Yahoo Special for Women’s History Month called “Inspo to Impact.” Dr. Ruth was our main subject, the interview with Brittany Jones-Cooper took place at her home in Washington Heights, New York City. She was getting ready to publish another book. She loved telling the story of her life and of being a survivor.

“I left at the age of 10 and a half because of the Nazis. If I had not been sent to Switzerland, I would not be alive because so many of the other Jewish children from Germany did not make it,” said Dr. Ruth to Yahoo. “Switzerland took 300 children. I was one of them. Holland, Belgium and France, each took 300. Despite the fact that before the war, there were already dark clouds on the horizon. England took 10,000 Jewish children. My father had been taken to a labor camp. So I had no choice, I joined and that's why I survived. And that's why I have an obligation to help, to make the world a better place. I didn't know that that would be through good sex, but that's what happened in my life.”

She wanted women to be able to succeed on their own. In 2014 she told the Washington Post “I believe in equal pay for equal work.”

She raised children on her own, when being a single mom wasn’t a thing. She hosted a radio show and later her own TV show, she was a guest on talk shows and morning news programs. She wrote 45 books on sex and sexuality. In 2019, a documentary “Ask Dr. Ruth” gave us a comprehensive look at her life, showing how she fought for what she believed in - abortion, the right to work, the right to choice, even to be free for who you wanted to be. She fought for people to be sex-positive.

“The reason I was able to talk so openly about sex (and) everything (is) in the Jewish tradition, sex has always been an obligation of a husband with a wife,” explained Dr. Ruth, saying it has never been an immoral act. “I'm talking about two consenting adults and I talk about being responsible. And I talk about the importance of being sexually active with the partner that you really enjoy being with. That's an important point.”

Dr. Ruth shied away from calling herself a feminist, she thought it was too political, but she stood for women’s rights and humanity.

“I don't talk about politics because anybody who talks about orgasm from morning until night should not talk about politics. However I vote, since I'm an American citizen, I always vote,” said Dr. Ruth. “And I'm very, very sad if abortion becomes illegal again, because then only women with money will be able to get an abortion. If there is a contraceptive failure, sometimes people use a diaphragm, they use a condom, the condom breaks. Sometimes there's a contraceptive failure. And I'm very sad if only women with money, because they can fly to a big city (can afford it).”

Honoring a Life of Service and Honesty

I live in the same neighborhood as Dr. Ruth, belonged to the same temple, and volunteered my time at the YM & YWHA of Inwood where she was a long-standing Board member - more than 50 years served. I was able to meet her when we organized a Gala in her honor. It’s not lost on me how our lives have crossed paths so many times.

No matter where you stand, some of Dr. Ruth’s frank conversations about sex and sexuality make it easier for us to talk about period poverty, perimenopause, and menopause today.

She told Yahoo, “The reason I was able to talk so openly about orgasm, erection, lubrication, everything … in the Jewish tradition … sex has never been a sin.”

"Sexual education is vital to fostering healthy relationships and a fulfilling sex life."

Let’s keep it that way.

Dr. Ruth lived for 96 years. June 4, 1928 - July 12, 2024.