10 parenting styles to be aware of and what they actually mean

Emma Elms
·Real Life Editor (Freelance)
·8 min read
The gentle parenting method involves letting your child choose their meals from a couple of options. (Supplied)
The gentle parenting method involves letting your child choose their meals from a couple of options. (Supplied)

Since the start of time, parents have always parented differently. Everyone has their own way of disciplining their child and aiding them in their development. But what you may not be aware of is that there are in fact defined parenting styles. From gentle to FAFO to helicopter and permissive parenting, you'll likely be familiar with some of the approaches but may not know exactly what they entail.

Whether you read up on different techniques or are more of a 'muddle through and see what happens' parent, we've called on experts to explain the most common ways to raise a child in this day and age.

Which category do you see yourself in?

Popular among Millennial and Gen Z parents, this approach is based around empathy, respect and understanding. Parents encourage positive behaviours in their children by saying what they do want the child to do, rather than what they don’t.

"It's a firm but kind approach to parenting – being respectful to the child while still keeping boundaries in place," says parenting expert Catherine Wasley, founder of The Parent Rock.

'Gentle parenting' advocates guiding your child rather than punishing them and letting them experience the natural consequences of their actions – e.g. if the child won't eat dinner, instead of pushing them, parents let the child realise they're hungry later on. Children are also given the freedom to choose their meals and clothes from a range of limited options, which some critics argue gives the parent less authority.

A term that started on TikTok, 'FAFO parenting' – meaning 'F*** around and find out' – is also about letting children experience the natural consequences of their own actions, similar to 'gentle parenting' above. For instance, if your child won’t wear their coat, you don't force them to and instead let them realise how cold they are without it, so next time they won't protest.

"In this way, like 'gentle parenting' and 'free-range parenting' below, children are left to make their own mistakes with minimal parental involvement," says parenting expert Kirsty Ketley. But critics argue some children may not be ready for this level of freedom or it could put them in unsafe situations.

'Free-range parenting' is another style that gives children the freedom to be independent and make their own choices. "Free-range parents teach their children skills then allow them to take risks appropriate for their age in order to learn about the world themselves," says Ketley.

"Similar to 'FAFO parenting' and 'gentle parenting', this approach can foster independence and build resilience," says Ketley. "It can help them develop important problem-solving skills and learn through experience whether something is a good idea or not – for instance, free-range parents will leave children to explore a play area by themselves and decide for themselves whether or not they can go on the climbing frame unaided."

A 'snowplough parent' is a parent who 'clears the path' for their child 'like a snowplough', actively removing any obstacles to their child's success. "They may take action to ensure their child has the main part in a play or gets on the sports team," says Ketley. This is a loving attempt at trying to protect their child from failure, but as Ketley points out, "It can end up preventing the child from being independent or developing a sense of resilience."

A snowplough parent will go out of their way to remove any obstacles to their child's success. (Getty Images)
A snowplough parent will go out of their way to remove any obstacles to their child's success. (Getty Images)

Helicopter parenting

"'Helicopter parenting' refers to a highly protective style where parents closely monitor their child’s every move, often stepping in to prevent failure or discomfort," says Wasley. "It’s driven by a desire to ensure success, safety and happiness but can become overbearing."

'Helicopter parenting' can make it harder for children to develop problem-solving skills, as they don’t get the chance to tackle challenges independently. "Constant parental oversight may also create anxiety, with children feeling pressure to meet high expectations or fearing failure because they are so used to having things managed for them," she adds.

"Snowplow and 'helicopter parenting' are alike in that they both involve high parental involvement, but whereas snowplow parents remove obstacles in the way, helicopter parents hover and monitor behaviour before stepping in when needed, rather than taking pre-emptive action," says Ketley.

Permissive parenting

"'Permissive parenting' is characterised by being warm and responsive, but with few boundaries," explains Wasley. "Parents take on more of a friend role, prioritising their child's happiness over discipline, often giving in to demands to avoid conflict."

Having few restrictions means children are encouraged to explore their interests freely which can encourage creativity and independence, but Wasley points out that, "Without structure at home, the child may struggle with authority and rules at school."

"For parents, constantly trying to keep the peace without firm boundaries can be exhausting and leave them feeling powerless when faced with challenging behaviour," she adds.

This term went viral after author Amy Chua, a Yale Law Professor, published her 2011 memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Tiger parents like to have close control over their children’s lives, with an emphasis on high academic achievement and a packed schedule of extra-curricular activities.

"The aim is to instil a strong work ethic to achieve well at school, but it can instead lead to stress, anxiety and burnout, making children feel resentful towards their parents," says Ketley. "A typical example is: a child scores 90% on a test and the parent focuses on the 10% the child didn't get."

Tiger parents are also seen as showing less warmth and affection towards their offspring – the opposite to 'gentle parenting'.

"Developed by an American professor of paediatrics called Dr Williams Sears, this approach is based on the idea that a strong parent-child bond creates a secure, emotionally healthy individual," says Wasley. "It emphasises being responsive, emotionally in tune and physically close to your child."

'Baby-wearing' or carrying your child close to you in a sling is a core principle of 'attachment parenting.' (Getty Images)
'Baby-wearing' or carrying your child close to you in a sling is a core principle of 'attachment parenting.' (Getty Images)

Core principles include skin-to-skin contact from birth, breastfeeding, baby-wearing (keeping your baby close to you for bonding), co-sleeping or room-sharing, responding quickly to your baby’s cry and avoiding sleep training or strict feeding schedules that discourage a parent from being responsive.

"While this type of parenting can give children a strong sense of security, in reality these principles can feel quite prescriptive, making parents feel it’s all or nothing," says Wasley. "In reality, not everyone can breastfeed, co-sleep and commit to every aspect and that can leave parents feeling like they’re failing."

This parenting style is particularly pertinent to pre-school children, but as they become older, it's also about being a 'present parent', a term Meghan Markle used in her recent Netflix documentary.

Not to be confused with 'authoritarian parenting' below, 'authoritative parenting' is where parents have clear rules and boundaries but still encourage independence and allow children to express themselves. "Parents are still ultimately in control, but they encourage their children to think for themselves and be confident in taking on responsibilities and making good decisions," says Ketley.

This style of parenting can be quite demanding to maintain and it can be difficult for parents to remain consistent with rules and boundaries, when they're busy, which may make children feel insecure. "Also when parents set expectations too high, it can negative impact a child's self-esteem," adds Ketley.

This 'my way or the highway' style of parenting is seen as old-fashioned in today's more emotionally intelligent world.

"Authoritarian parenting is where parents enforce very strict rules with little or no flexibility," explains Ketley. "In some ways, parents are being selfish and controlling as they put their own wants and needs above their child's," says Ketley.

"There are few positives with this style, which tends to stifle children's creativity and problem-solving abilities, leaving them feeling fearful and growing up feeling like they can't make their own decisions," she warns.

"The key difference between this style and 'authoritative' parenting (above)," explains Ketley, "is that while 'authoritative parents' balance structure, rules and routine with love and compassion, authoritarian parents make it all about them, with little flexibility."

Widely viewed as a negative approach, 'uninvolved parenting' is also sometimes seen as neglectful parenting. The opposite of 'helicopter' and 'snowplough parenting', "Parents show no interest in their child's life," says Ketley. "They take care of their child's basic needs, but lack an emotional connection with their child. "They don't ask about their day, friendships or hobbies and may rarely attend events and activities their child is involved in."

When it comes to discipline, minimal rules or standards are set, meaning the child has few boundaries. "This style of parenting can cause low self-esteem and make the child struggle to build and maintain relationships throughout their life," explains Ketley. "They will also become less likely to share their emotions."

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