Parents Tell The Truth About The Tooth Fairy In These Too-Real Tweets
When it comes to childhood magic, parents face an onslaught of obstacles involved in keeping up the ruse.
My son’s first loose tooth popped out right before bedtime, and of course neither my wife or I had any cash on us. We needed a $1 bill. I ran out to the ATM after my son went to sleep, but was only able to take out twenties. Instead of making a second stop at a store to make change, I just went home and replaced the tooth he’d carefully tucked under his pillow with a twenty dollar bill. The next morning, he pulled it out and said, “Wow! Look what the tooth fairy gave me! I’m going to be rich — how many teeth do I have?”
I realized that I had set a terrible, and expensive, precedent.
And that is the tale of how my son’s tremendous college debt burden begins ... Kidding! (Sort of.)
Here are some other tales about tooth fairy mishaps and shenanigans from some of the funniest parents on X (formerly Twitter.)
My daughter busted me leaving money for the tooth fairy and I told her that sometimes she has so many teeth to take care of she messages moms to cover for her and she said maybe she didn’t come cause the tooth was so dirty which was a burn cause it was her sister’s tooth.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 14, 2023
Motherhood is accidentally handing the cashier some change with baby teeth in it and having to assure them that you’re also the tooth fairy and not a serial killer
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) July 12, 2021
We’ve had a bunk bed for three months so naturally my kid chooses the night she lost her tooth to sleep on the top bunk. Does anyone know how this tooth fairy can apply for hazard pay?
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 16, 2020
8-year-old: I lost a tooth two nights ago.
Me: The tooth fairy owes you fifty cents.
8: The tooth fairy owes me fifty dollars.
Those late fees are brutal.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2020
you never realize how creaky your floors and doors are until you’re trying to play tooth fairy at 11 pm
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 27, 2022
Sometimes a tooth falls out right before bedtime, and this is outside of the tooth fairy's normal retrieval window because she needs to go to the bank
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 29, 2024
Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!
Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.
Child: Were they made of wood?
Me:
Child:
Me: The Tooth Fairy isn't real.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 26, 2020
7yo: The tooth fairy didn’t come last night!
Me: That bitch.
7: What?
Me: What?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 3, 2019
whoever decided the Toothfairy puts money under your pillow instead of on the nightstand was an asshole.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 15, 2021
My 5YO lost her first tooth and is very certain that the tooth fairy will give it to an old lady who really needs it
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 4, 2021
My daughter asked me if the tooth fairy would only give money for *her* teeth and I’m a little concerned
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 2, 2024
“Mommy why does Santa’s handwriting look like the tooth fairy’s handwriting?”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) December 15, 2024
If you’re considering becoming a parent, I just found out that my kid put his friend’s tooth under his pillow because they realized that my kid’s tooth fairy “pays better.”
— The Dad (@thedad) August 16, 2022
6 lost a tooth today. We've outsourced the tooth fairy job to 12 tonight. I dig this. Has my next life began?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 9, 2021
help my husband who usually does bedtime is out of town & the 8-year-old out of nowhere said he knows we're the tooth fairy because his friend gets $6/tooth and he only gets $2 & the only variable is the different parents & i panicked and said maybe the friend has better teeth
— Vauhini Vara (@vauhinivara) May 9, 2023
My daughter found out I’m the tooth fairy so when she lost her tooth she asked me to take her to Sephora and I don’t know what’s worse jk it’s Sephora.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 18, 2024
Friends, for possibly the first time in ten years of parenting, I have managed to swap the tooth under the pillow for money the first night it was there. (My children know Tooth Fairies are often very busy, and to allow 2-3 business days.)
— Daniel Summers (@WFKARS) December 6, 2019
My 4yo: Dogs can’t lose their teeth because they don’t have pillows to leave them under for the tooth fairy. 🧚♀️
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) October 30, 2021
Years ago I was visiting my brother & his son lost a tooth. I was elected tooth fairy, but my nephew woke as I made the drop. Not wanting the whole house of cards to fall on my watch, I told him that I was the Tooth Fairy, like, for all of Earth. I fielded questions for an hour.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 19, 2021
Our 6yo lost his first tooth tonight, and our 8yo told him the tooth fairy would leave a note with fairy dust and money. She knows this because “she’s lost teeth before.” Holyshit you guys, I forgot how dedicated the tooth fairy was with the firstborn.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) April 30, 2022
The extreme amount of stress I feel when crawling into my sleeping child’s room to leave tooth fairy money proves I could never make it as a spy
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 25, 2023
Tweens act like they’re too old for everything until they lose a tooth and want money from the tooth fairy.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 15, 2020
After the tooth fairy didn’t show up for the third night, my 7YO hid a dollar under her sister’s pillow and said, “I’m so done with lazy tooth fairies”
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 1, 2022
5-year-old, w a two missing bottom teeth, dictating a note tonight: "Dear Tooth Fairy, You are the best person I know. Thank you for all that you do..."
— Ashley Parker (@AshleyRParker) October 27, 2024
My kid lost her first tooth, then lost it three more times while playing with the pouch. By the time the fairy gets here it's getting Schrodinger’s Tooth
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 14, 2021
The political activism in this country has gotten out of hand. My son is lobbying for equal pay from the tooth fairy after hearing that some kid got $20.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 21, 2023
Could literally *only* find a $10 bill in our entire house for the Tooth Fairy tonight. The other 3 children will notice this increase. This game just got a lot more expensive.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) January 8, 2023
good morning except to those parents who forgot to play toothfairy last night
...again— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 24, 2021
I tell my kids that the tooth fairy evaluates each tooth on how well they take care of it. So, if one of their friends got a twenty dollar bill for their lost tooth, or if I’m ever short on cash I can say “well you should have brushed better!”
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 21, 2018
Me: Did the tooth fairy leave you money?
8-year-old: No.
Me: What do you call the two quarters under your pillow?
8: An insult.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2020
When the tooth fairy stopped coming here it wasn’t because the kids stopped believing, they just started to stay up later than me.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 22, 2021
I was not prepared to add amendments to the lies I tell my kids, but after walking in on my 9-year-old trying to knock out a tooth to save up for a video game, the tooth fairy only takes teeth that fall out on their own, apparently.
— The Dad (@thedad) October 9, 2022
My kid lost a tooth and plans to put it under her pillow tonight so the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy can meet and hopefully make a love connection and I am HERE FOR IT
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 3, 2021
My kid said he knew I was the tooth fairy so instead of money I put a kazoo under his pillow and now he’s a believer because “mommy would NEVER let me have this”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 3, 2023
This morning
6yo: I put my tooth on my shelf. The tooth fairy didn’t leave money
Me: …you know…when she’s in a hurry & she’s not sure you’re asleep she can leave it in a different place…like my bag
Him: oh! Can we check?
Reader the tooth fairy had left the coins in my bag— Amita Murray (@AmitaMurray) June 5, 2023
The puppy lost a tooth and the kids have been negotiating with the tooth fairy on his behalf, which is really sweet, but I’m not sure he needs a rainbow slime kit
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 5, 2021
9 cracked one of his baby teeth and is trying to put 1 piece at a time each night to get more tooth fairy money. That's creative. I can't even be mad about it.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 24, 2024
Daughter had her first loose tooth. I asked her how much she thinks the tooth fairy will bring for the first tooth……
She said $20,000.— Barstool Are Dee Tee (@editti22) December 16, 2024
My 7yo wanted to know why Poppy’s tooth fairy gives $20 and hers only gives $2 and I blurted ‘it’s cause Poppy’s mom is the worst’ which worked out great cause now my kid thinks the tooth fairy just feels sorry for Poppy
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 27, 2022
My kid asked if he should leave something for the tooth fairy, so I need everyone to back me up that the traditional offering is a bottle of wine
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 26, 2021
