Should parents tell kids to change clothes? Expert weighs in on viral TikTok of dad-daughter exchange

After a recent TikTok video of a father telling his daughter to go change out of her tank top went viral, people have been sharing mixed reactions.

In the video, a 12-year-old girl, who is off-camera, says to her dad she's going to the park before he asks, "What the hell are you wearing?"

The girl responds, "a tank top," and asks him what's wrong with it, adding she thought it was cute.

"Girl, your stuff’s hanging out... You gotta go in there and change, that ain’t happening," the dad in the video says.

"The boys are gonna be looking at your stuff. You need to go change."

The video received more than 4.8 million views and 354,000 likes. While many in the comments praised the way the father handled the situation, some disagreed.

"Stop sexualizing every part of a woman's body… Teen boys walk around topless all the damn time," one TikTok user commented.

Meanwhile, another said "the conversation is lasting too long," and that the girl should've quickly gone and changed.

Expert weighs in on 'difficult' conversations

One expert says it's important for parents to have difficult conversations with their kids about what they’re wearing to develop their sense of perspective.

Yahoo Canada spoke to the program head of early childhood studies at the University of Guelph-Humber, Nikki Martyn.

"We want, as parents, to be able to provide the child some autonomy to develop their style and personality, their identity, while ensuring they understand things like social norms and perspective taking," Martyn said.

"Like, what will other people think about them when they're wearing these clothes?"

She said it's understandable that parents are fearful that their children will get hurt, but it's having those difficult conversations around clothing that will help build trust, safety and social awareness.

"It’ll give the child respect and dignity," said Martyn. "When it comes down to it, it's just clothes, but… it gives us a great opportunity to be able to foster trust and communication."

But, the way these conversations are held can have an impact.

"I think coming in forcefully and saying, this is just the way it is without a discussion around why and understanding the reasoning, the child will often, especially a teenager, will want to rebel," she explained.

'Avoid shaming language'

If a child decides to leave the house in a crop top, for example, Martyn said by the end of the day, a parent can have a conversation with their child to understand how it felt to wear it and if what they were worried about was real.

Her advice to parents is: "avoid shaming language."

Martyn recommends parents ask their child how their experience of wearing a specific shirt or shorts was; ask what they are trying to say about themselves through clothing.

"Then the parent might be able to say, 'great, let's create some boundaries… let's go to the store and decide what we can say through clothing that makes you feel strong in the world — in a safe environment,'" said Martyn.

She said that will allow the child to have a trusting and loving relationship with their parents. That "allows them to continually go back, when they do feel bullied or they experience something negative," she added.

Parents might make a mistake and not deal with the situation well because they’re tired or frustrated, Martyn said. That’s why parents should choose the right time and place.

"Make sure that you're talking to your child in private so it's not embarrassing to them, so they can feel like it's safe and that they can be open with what they're thinking and feeling," the expert advised.

She added parents also need to be responsible and mindful about their own feelings.

"Sometimes it's easy to feel frustrated or overwhelmed," she admitted. But, it's about "trying to be mindful… of what (the conversation) is bringing up in the parent. So, if something happened to them in childhood… and being able to talk about it with the child," Martyn said.

She said the child can understand where a parent is coming from if they are expressing their own feelings in an age-appropriate way. For example, statements like "'I was scared or bullied' when 'I' wore that piece of clothing," can help, Martyn explained.

"There's lots of good things that happen with being able to understand somebody else's perspective... in this safe environment."

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