14 People Who Lost Their Loved Ones To Political Extremism Are Sharing The Moment They Knew It Was Time To Cut Them Off
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community, "Have you had to cut off any friends or family members due to differences in political opinion?" Here are the difficult stories people shared:
1."I'm Asian-Canadian, but my mom married an American border control officer and moved to the US to live with him. He loves Trump and is openly racist, particularly towards the Latino community. He loves toting guns and talking about how much the flag means to him. While my mom is and always has been politically neutral, none of my aunts and uncles will let him in their houses, and he was banned from my brother's wedding. I hate him and everything he stands for, but I love my mom, so I tolerate it."
2."My wife and I (same-sex couple) were close with her sister and brother-in-law for years before the 2020 election. We had a few tense conversations but were able to push them aside until the day after the election when they started texting about the 'steal.' Not long after, they said they didn't want their kids to know about gay people (um, OK), and now we no longer have a relationship with them. It's tough because my in-laws try to pretend it's not happening and try to bridge the gap, but I can never forgive or go back."
3."I haven't talked to my dad in about a month. He lives in Florida now and always has been a Trumper. We got into a political debate, and I just said, 'Dad, you're voting for a rapist. He RAPED someone!' and my dad goes, 'SO WHAT?' I hung up and cried. I haven't spoken a word to him since. I'm so torn. We need to discuss this more, but how can I even talk to someone who says that?"
—Anonymous
4."A few years ago, my mother became increasingly right-wing, paranoid, unhinged, hateful, and started believing in all sorts of debunked conspiracy theories. It all came to a head when, two years ago, I had cancer and was having a horrible reaction to chemotherapy. I was so sick and weak that my doctors hospitalized and quarantined me for almost a week because even the bacteria from my own digestive tract could have killed me. The hospital was full of anti-vaxxers who were deathly ill because of their own ignorance and poor choices. I was stuck on the same floor as them and had to listen to them scream at and demean the very people trying to help them."
"During that hospital stay, my mother made one of her extremely rare phone calls to check in on me. However, instead of trying to calm me down or feign concern, she spent an hour berating me for having gotten vaccinated. Then she spent the rest of the time screaming hateful, nonsensical garbage about immigrants. Eventually, I had to hang up on her and didn't call or speak to her for over a year. To this day, she still believes all those wild conspiracy theories and has never apologized for how she acted while I was sick."
—Anonymous
5."One of my siblings. She has been off the rails for a while (she became an anti-abortion, born-again 'Christian' years ago), so I wasn't surprised, but it's still so sad. I'll paint a picture of our last conversation. Her: 'I don't believe E. Jean Carroll; I know about the deviousness of women, and I have a son to protect from the #MeToo liars.' Me: 'You also have two daughters whose rights are being dismantled and sadly could be #MeToo victims one day. Don't they matter?' There's just no coming back from that. If she doesn't care about her own daughters' rights, how can I expect her to care about the rights of women she's never met?"
6."I was so close with my cousin. We used to say the universe got it wrong, and we were supposed to be siblings instead. He became a MAGA extremist in 2016: anti-abortion, pro-gun, pro-hate. I looked the other way initially, and then he started sharing his opinions on women's rights. That's when my heart broke. I needed a life-saving abortion years earlier. I realized I was too afraid to tell him and that if I did, he would instantly turn on me, saying scathing, hurtful rhetoric. It hit me that ignoring this part of him allowed the hate to continue. I realized that despite his voting for President Obama in 2012, he'd always had these hateful, racist, misogynist opinions, and that was who I'd really been eating holiday meals with."
"It hit me then that I didn't want my children around that. It hurts. I still love him, but he thinks I'm sensitive and 'can't see the truth.' However, I'd rather be thought of as too weak, kind, and sensitive than a hateful bully."
7."My dad. I could ignore it when he made Facebook posts, thinking, 'Uh, you brought me here from another country. I'm a first-generation immigrant; how can you side with this racist person who clearly hates women when I'm a woman?' I cut him off once he started sending me memes and videos. I don't answer his weekly calls. I declined his invitation to visit him. But I love watching my aunt tear apart every post he makes with facts and logic."
8."I have an ex who I saw for over a year. It ended for multiple reasons, but the nail in the coffin was when he told me he was accepting a job for Ron Desantis. He's from Italy and claimed not to have a good grasp on American politics, but when I told him how evil of a person the guy he'd be working for is, he just kept talking about how good it would look on his resume. Mind you, he is a nepo baby and is bound to take over his family's company, so he doesn't even need a resume."
9."I went no-contact with my brother after he went fully racist. In retrospect, it was always there, but he used to keep it under wraps. After moving to Texas and surrounding himself with like-minded people, he stopped hiding it."
10."My younger sister. She was a liberal until she moved from our home state to Texas in 2017. She has since become a full-blown QAnon/Trump supporter. My final straw was back in 2020 when she told me that I was 'being controlled by The Adversary' (her term for Satan) if I didn't vote for Trump. She then proceeded to hurl several racist and crude comments at me. I haven't seen or spoken to her since."
—Anonymous
11."Oh god, back in March of this year, a (former) friend of mine (of 14 years!) sent my husband and me a TikTok about how immigrants are teaching other immigrants how to become squatters or something. Truthfully, I never watched it. She added, 'I'm this close to voting for Trump,' to which I said, 'If you vote for Trump, you can delete my number.' She and I had a brother/sister relationship, so it was normal for us to be snarky with each other. But then she replied, 'Wow, you aren't a true friend.' I replied, 'ME? If you vote for him, you're not a true friend to vets, gays, women, immigrants, or teachers!' I got no reply, so I apologized and told her that she didn't have to vote for Biden but that she should at least research the other candidates. Apparently, she didn't get those texts. It turns out she blocked my number almost immediately."
"The kicker: We're all Latinos. Her husband was in the process of getting his papers. My husband and I are gay. And she wanted to vote for Trump? This happened in March of this year. I have yet to tell any of our friends what happened because I'm afraid they'll look at her differently. That was seven months ago. A 14-year friendship thrown away."
—Anonymous
12."My ex broke up with me partially because he felt our political views didn't align. He tends to go third party, while I'm a Democrat. He couldn't accept that I was pro-abortion rights and would likely get an abortion if I got pregnant (for medical reasons). Looking back, I think I dodged a bullet, but it still hurts to lose someone you love."
—Anonymous
13."I've had to cut off friends I thought I was close with. It wasn't an issue until Trump started his first run for office. I had friends who agreed with his politics, his characterizations of people, and the stuff he supports. Most of them were posting stuff agreeing with his racist and/or anti-gay statements."
—Anonymous
14.And: "I cut ties with my biological father after he posted on Facebook equating Democrats to Nazis. My bio dad and I are both Republicans, but in the wake of the George Floyd protests, he started posting and sharing really hurtful and racist posts. I got tired of seeing it and asked him privately to take one particularly repulsive post down because I thought it cheapened the murder and suffering of millions in the Holocaust. He refused and told me not to interfere with his 'First Amendment rights.' When I told him that my sincere request had nothing to do with the First Amendment but that I thought it was an insult to the memories and sacrifices of others, he started blaming my mom for raising me wrong (she is also a Republican, BTW) and said I must have learned this awful behavior from her. That crossed the line."
"I cut him off, took my son away from ever seeing him, and haven't spoken to him since. It wasn't the first time he had done something like this, but it was the last time I would ever have to deal with it."
—Anonymous
Have you ever gone no-contact with a loved one because of political differences? Tell us your story in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
